Page 109 of Rise of the King (Checkmate 5)

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Hugs

Sophia

For the first time in longer than I remember, I run with tears in my eyes and blindly throw myself up the stairs toward the kitchen. The garage door is closed, and I need my laptop anyway, so I forge forward with the intention to barge through, collect my shit, and make myself a ghost, but my plans are squashed when I race into the kitchen and am attacked by a horde of bodies.

My brain is in fight or flight mode, so I swing out with the intention to immobilize my attacker, only to be pressed into an all-encompassing hug filled with long blonde hair and a snuffling pig.

“You’re not crazy for wanting this,” Jess Lenaghan murmurs. Her strong arms hold me close, and her sister presses against my back so our faces squish together. “I wanted to hurt the men who hurt my sister, too. I wanted to hurt them so bad, Kane and I went round and round about what I could live with and what would haunt me for the rest of my life.”

“And seeing a therapist doesn’t make you crazy,” Laine adds. “In fact, apart from the people in this room, my therapist saved my life. My vagina was torn too.” Her voice cracks, and her words remain low.Solow, I know she’s hiding her words from Angelo. “They tore me open; they cut me, burned me, scarred me, and convinced me I was nothing. I tried to kill myself because I didn’t deserve my life. Is that what you’re doing, Sophia? Are you going to endyouwhen you end him?”

“You need to let me go.” I’m stronger than them, meaner, and desperate to get away, but still, I can’t remove myself from this hug. “Please let me go.”

“I wanted to hurt them,” Laine whispers. “I wanted to show them I wasn’t weak, but all I really did was hurt myself, and by hurting myself, I hurt my family.”

“Let me go!”

“You’ll kill Jay if you don’t stop this,” Jess whispers. “He’s already lost so much. He lost his brother. He lost his mother. He lost his own life, and he’s about to eliminate his own father. If he loses you, too, he might not survive it.”

“Please let me go.” For the first time in eight years, I cry so much that snot slides over my top lip, and my breath hitches and rattles. “I need to go home for a bit. I need time to think.”

“Colum Bishop hurt his sons,” Jess presses on. “He broke them, time and time again. He doesn’t have their love. He doesn’t deserve it. They’re not going to choose him over Ellie.”

“I’m so close to it all ending,” I cry. “It’s so close.”

“And then what?” Laine asks. “What are your plans?”

“I don’t know. I don’t know!” Drawing in my strength and letting it fill my chest, with a battle cry, I shove the girls away, only to turn and slam into Jay’s broad chest.

“I’ve got you, Sugar Plum.” He picks me up and tucks my legs around his hips. My cries turn to painful sobs, and despite my hate for him in this moment, I cling to him so our chests touch and our hearts slam against each other. Eyes bore into the back of my head, but Jay doesn’t slow. He doesn’t stop or make me answer questions.

Walking through the home he already knows, he walks through the hall and turns left at the guest bedroom. Closing the door and shutting our audience out, he lays me out on the comfortable bed, lies down beside me, and pulls me close so my ear rests on his heart.

I stopped fighting him the second he picked me up and called me Sugar Plum.

“I’m sorry you’re hurting, Sophia. I know what you’re feeling, but being able to relate doesn’t take your pain away. I’m sorry I can’t take it away.”

“I’m sorry I hit you.”

Chuckling, he runs his fingers through my hair and bathes the top of my head with warm breath. “You’re not actually sorry about that. You’ve wanted to hit me for two long years. Today, you got your shot.”

“I love you, too, by the way.”

His heart stops. It gives one long pause before it restarts, and his lungs start moving. “I love you so much, Sophia. There’s nothing I wouldn’t do for you. Nothing at all. I’m not saying no to your plans; I’m just begging you to take care of your heart while you carry them out. When this is all done, I still need you to be okay with your choices. I don’t want them to haunt you.”

“I’m sorry I never tell you I love you. I’m a heartless bitch.”

“No, you’re not. How could you love me backandbe heartless at the same time? It’s impossible, Sweet Sophia.” He presses a kiss to my forehead. “I could feel your love. I knew it, even if you never said it.”

Bringing my leg up over his and attaching myself to his body, I close my eyes and cry through what may be delayed grief. Eight years, I’ve allowed this to build up. Eight years I let Ellie’s sad eyes haunt me. “I probably would have gone back to my apartment in New York City and sat in the dark for a week.”

“Hm?” He brushes my hair back and strokes my cheek.

“After this is done. My plans would have been to go all the way back to where it started, sit in the dark, and probably cry a lot. I never cry, so I figure that’s probably what I would have done after I was finished here.”

“And what about me?” His voice is deep and demanding, but gentle at the same time. “What about us?”

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