Page 155 of Falling for the Wife

Callum was giving me a make or break it decision and I wasn’t playing fair, especially knowing how I felt about him. He wasn’t allowing leniency, not even for friendship. He was using my feelings as a weapon against me. “Cal—”

“Please, say you’ll stay.”

I would, if he could tell me what I wanted to hear most. It was now or never. “Are you in love with me?” I whispered, breathless.

Something passed in his eyes and my heart plummeted when I realized what that look was. It was a look of retreat and regroup. He was thinking about how to respond to my question.

Callum took his time, gathering himself up on his feet again before responding to me. His dark, penetrating eyes commanding me to look at him. “I—” he carefully began, “deeply care for you. More than any woman after her.”

I didn’t even have the power to flinch because I had known what was going to come out of his mouth before he’d said it. Still, for him to confirm it, stabbed me into reality over and over again. Giving up on my loved ones wasn’t my forte, but I guess I have to learn how for the first time.

It took every ounce in me to give him a smile, which was full of love and understanding; that he didn’t need to explain to me why he cared deeply, why he couldn’t love me, or why he wasn’t capable of giving me what I wanted when I was more than willing to give him everything that I had. My present and my future, I wanted it to be with him.

How could I spend the rest of my life next to a man who was in love with another? True, sex would be out of this world. Not to mention that I would get to keep him all for myself. He’d spoil me to no end and I wouldn’t want for anything in the materialistic aspect… but could I accept that even though I had him, there would be times that he’d think about Zara? Wonder about her and what life could’ve been if she hadn’t done what she had? Did I love him that much that I’d be more than willing to sacrifice not being loved by the man I had chosen to be with?

The answer was, unfortunately, a resounding no.

My family had so much love to give. My parents were in love with each other and I wanted what they had. I shouldn’t settle for anything less. If I had to give my all to a man, I’d expect the same exchange.

Callum and I weren’t meant to be, simple as that.

My heart was in pieces as it cracked a little bit more inside.

The urge to dwell on my broken heart was too tempting, however I had to see this through and leave his house. My brokenness could be dealt with later on. Right now, I needed all of my will to say goodbye to him.

We were having a staring contest as he waited for me to give him an answer.

It took every ounce in me to gather the courage to walk up to him, knowing that this might be the last time, for a very long time, that I was going to see him in the flesh.

“Promise me that you’ll take care of yourself?” I pleaded, knowing his penchant for racing and whatever else could get his adrenaline skyrocketing towards pure euphoria.

His quick transformation was heart wrenching. It tore me up inside, but I didn’t have that much choice.

Callum slowly distanced himself from me. He became stoic. Unreachable. “Take care of myself,” he muttered, nodding. “Why bother with asinine attempts of niceties?” Dark eyes cut through me. “I think I’ve begged enough. If you want to leave, go. You know you’re way around.”

“That’s harsh.”

He made a careless shrug and then spun around, not facing me. Callum’s immediate detachment rankled on my threadbare composure. It hurt, but I knew he was purposely doing this to protect himself. This was his way of ejecting someone from his life; with a cold attitude and instant rejection.

“So this is it?” I lingered longer. For each second I stayed, it made me die a little bit more inside… and yet, my feet remained rooted, the situation unresolved for me.

“This was your choice, Stella, not mine.” He spoke with indifference. “But you may be right, it’s time we end this. I was getting bored, anyway.”

His back still faced me, so I took a moment and burned this into memory, searedhiminto me. I knew he said those words because he was angry, but it didn’t make any difference because it still managed to wound me.

“I’ll be heading out then,” I whispered as I darted his silent form another quick glance. I steadily strode into the hallway then out of the house.

Out of his life for good.

Someday I’ll love again…

Those words echoed into my broken heart. If that day ever came, I’d better be falling for a man who was capable of loving me as a whole because I wouldn’t expect anything less.

One thing I had learned with my short affair with Callum, though, it truly was pure hardship to force yourself to walk away when you had irrevocably fallen into the deep abyss of loving a man. To muster enough will and discipline yourself to turn your back on you heart, hear it break repeatedly and still remain intact and sane, was one of the toughest trials I’d had to battle.

Saying goodbye was the most difficult thing to do when my heart wasn’t ready to let him go.

This lesson would forever be scarred into me.

---