Page 56 of To Enchant a Rakish Viscount

Harper smiled but it did not last long, nor did her eye contact as there was still something apparently on her mind. Brian had an inclination of what it might have been.

“I only didn’t tell you about the kiss because you had me shipped away the next day. You would not leave your room or speak to me. You even ate breakfast without me.”

“I figured you’d like to experience what it was like to be in a loveless marriage, since that’s the only thing you ever speak about.”

“Fair enough. I have experienced it and I can’t say that I enjoyed it. It’s actually quite unenjoyable, to be honest.”

Harper seemed shocked by his response. She tugged gently on his cheek.

“What was that for?” he asked.

“You seem like an entirely different person, so I was checking to make sure that you weren’t someone in a mask or something.”

Brian laughed. “Never short with the sarcasm, even after coming to blows with one of your best friends.” He had become suddenly aware of how they were still in an embrace, and he liked it. He liked it a lot. It also seemed like Harper was enjoying it as well because her body language didn’t shift one bit. That made him feel good and he took it as a good sign. Maybe she would forgive him for his shortcomings.

“You know, I’m not entirely sure that I want someone who has no issue leaving me so easily.”

He had thought too soon because she had pulled away from their embrace.

It was a strange feeling when she did, one that he had never felt before. Just her pulling away felt like he was losing a part of not only himself but his future. He felt more connected to her because maybe she was no longer just his friend, but his wife. It made him remember the moment he first saw her after chasing Conner up the tree when they were children.

“Why are you looking at me like that?” Brian asked Harper.

“Because you scare me.”

As a kid, Harper had said plenty of mean things to him before but hearing her say that he scared him bothered him and he couldn’t understand why. “What? How do I scare you? All I did was chase my friend up a tree. It’s not my fault that he cried so hard.”

“You know why you scare me? My mom always tells me to stay away from people who act like they don’t need you. And when you chase your friends up trees, all it shows is that you’re pushing them away. It shows that you don’t want them. And that’s what you did with Conner, right? You see that he’s the nicest boy out of all of you, and your little stupid heart can’t take that because you’re scared that he’s just going to leave you one day, right? Well, I think that’s dumb.” She poked him in the chest after her long rant.

“Why are you getting so worked up to it, it wasn’t even about you.” Her words had made him want to cry.

“Because you’re also wrong about Conner being the nicest. I think that you can be the nicest, but you just refuse because you don’t like yourself much. But I like you and don’t think you need to chase people up trees. I know you only did it because he made a joke about your mom. Your mom wouldn’t have wanted you to do that. She would have wanted you to be nice.”

Brian found himself near tears while watching Harper storm off. He held the tears back and gave chase. He would never push her away ever again. He would never push anyone away again.

When he reached her in the garden, he stood in front of her and gently grabbed her by the arms. He gave her the most eye contact that he had ever given anyone. It was a struggle to not let his eyes get salty, but he took on that challenge too. “I remember it now.”

“What?” She looked away.

“After Conner and the tree. What you said. You were the only one after my mom to….”

Harper’s eyes were filled with tears of her own when she finally looked back at him.

“The only reason that I pushed you away was because I feared loving you. I didn’t want to ever feel the great loss that my father did with my mother. But in London, he helped me, just as you helped me after my mom’s death. And I’m sorry for everything that I have put you through. It was misguided and weak. There is nothing more that I want than to change. Well…there is one thing that I want more…and that’s you.”

“Do you intend to make me suffer through the change? Are you saying these things one day and they will be different tomorrow? Because I have been on that carriage ride with you, and I cannot take it. I cannot take you loving and wanting me one moment and then throwing me away the next. The same way that you used to drink every day, I need you to love me with the same routine and consistency.

“I will not let you down, Harper. You have my word. All I want is change. I want to be the husband that you need me to be.”

They both walked back inside, and Brian couldn’t tell if she had actually believed his words or if she was still uncertain about everything. After all, he had done everything that she said he did. It must not have been easy kissing him one day and then being avoided the next. He hadn’t allowed himself to see it from her perspective like that. He regretted it and wished that he could take it all back. If only life worked that way.

Inside the house, they had spoken for what had to be hours. They caught up on more than he had ever expected them to catch up on and he found himself for once being vulnerable without any strings attached. To his surprise, it all felt good. It made him also regret holding things in for so long.

Harper had been understanding towards his fears. She had still been upset about it all, and rightfully so, but once Brian had explained better and taken the time to do so, she seemed to understand. That made it far less scary for him.

“So,” Brian started after their long discussion hit a silent point. “The big question is…do you still care for me?”

They had been sitting across from one another in the same room in which she had her spat with Marianne. First, Harper sent her eyes to Brian. He couldn’t tell what her answer was going to be. Then, she rose from her chair and said, “Follow me.”

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