Page 39 of Love is Strange
“Listen, it’s okay. You don’t have to—”
“No. I need to finish this now,” he says, glancing up at me with watery eyes. I nod and move over on the beanbag, patting the empty space next to me. Silas smiles as he lets out his breath and comes over to sit next to me.
“A few months after she died, my father put a shotgun in his mouth and pulled the trigger. I guess in my grief, I didn’t realize how much it fucked him up that his mother was gone. I always felt so damn guilty for that. Maybe if I had paid more attention to him, went out for walks when he asked me, spent more time at home, he’d be alive still, you know?”
I turn as much as I can on the small space we’re sharing so I can look at him as he turns his eyes back toward the ceiling and sighs again. “And that’s why I don’t believe in shit. That’s why I live here, because I’ve been told so many times in my adult life that I’m the devil in the flesh and I figure that if Godisreal, then he can come down here and kick me the fuck out after he answers some questions I have for him. Why Grandma? Why Dad? Why not me, instead? They were amazing people and I’ve always been a bit of a waste and he chose them instead of me? Bullshit.”
“The Devil in the House of God. Sounds like a horror movie,” I say quietly, attempting to make a joke. Silas smiles at me and clears his throat again. “Is that why you have that tattoo then? Kind of like a mocking thing?”
“Yeah.”
I nod and chew my lower lip thoughtfully. I can’t say I understand exactly where he’s coming from, but I get his grief and anger. I just don’t think I could ever feel that way myself if my life had turned out the way his has.
“There’s another reason too,” he says softly.
I raise an eyebrow at him and wait.
“In this place, I’m my own God. I make my rules here and anyone that enters my home worshipsme.Know why? Because I barely let anyone in here. I don’t like having my personal space invaded by anyone and if you do make it past the front door, then you’re someone really special to me.”
My face flushes hot and his chuckle tells me that he’s noticed. I push my hair behind my ears and look away from Silas. I glance around the room again, taking in the cathedral ceilings, and wonder what I’m really doing here—why I even agreed to come back to the home of a man that I hate.
“Chill. I’m not gonna try to fuck you,” he says breezily as he gets to his feet. “I just wanted to show you the place is all.”
Liar.
I can feel it; his want to be deep inside of me. It’s almost like a small animal that knows it’s caged with a bird of prey watching it closely, waiting for any misstep so it can strike at the right moment.
“Okay, well, I’ve seen it,” I reply, getting to my feet as well. “It was a nice visit and I honestly appreciate you opening up to me, Si. Maybe you’re not such an unbearable bastard after all.”
He grins and shakes his head as he places a hand on either one of my hips and pulls me closer to him. I begin to tremble as he leans down, his face inches from mine. Silas lowers his lips to my neck and inhales my scent before he pulls back away and places his forehead against mine.
“Maybe a blowjob?” he asks softly.
I giggle nervously as I put my hands to his chest and gently push him away.
“Not today.”
“Well, while I will admit that my ego is crippled right now, I have to say that sounds promising for the future,” he replies, wiggling his eyebrows.
“Oh, fuck off,” I grumble, pulling out of his grip and stepping back toward the beanbag to grab my purse.
Silas laughs as I pull the strap over my shoulder and across my waist. I make a face at him, and he tilts his head, that grin returning as he takes me in for a moment.
“Next time?” he asks smirking.
I roll my eyes and walk away from him, heading for the front door, his laughter following me as I walk out and slam it behind me.
I let out a sigh as I lean against the door and push a stray hair away from my forehead. That fucker is getting to me and he knows it.
Chapter Eight
Another day comesand goes as I sit in my living room with Miko in my lap. The visit at Si’s was nice but nothing beats being home alone with the television droning on and a furry friend of your very own.
I’m so lost in the overwhelmingly happy feeling of abject loneliness that when my phone rings, I’m half tempted to ignore it since it’s so damn late at night.
But I don’t and find that it’s Vanessa calling.
“What’s up?” I ask, putting the phone to my ear and running a hand gently over Miko’s soft fur.
