Page 76 of Love is Strange
“What are you talking about?” I ask him, my voice raising slightly. “I told you that you’d have to get rid of me yourself if you ever wanted me to leave, and I know there’s no chance of that. You’re stuck with me, Rus; forever.”
He looks up at me with a tear-stained face and a sad smile before he rests his cheek against my arm.
“I know.”
“Then you know there’s nothing to worry about,” I say to him, running a hand gently over his head. “We love each other too much to ever let go, don’t we?”
“Don’t you think that’s strange?” he asks, pulling away from my arm.
He turns his face away from me as he begins to wrench his hands and I raise an eyebrow questioningly at him. Even though he can’t see it, I know he’ll tell me what’s in his heart without any further prodding. “I feel consumed by you, but not in a bad way. In an obsessive kind of way and I don’t want anyone else to ever know what it’s like to have you, Ells.”
I walk around to the front of Icarus and drop gently down on my knees. I reach up and place a hand on either side of his face and force him to look me in the eyes.
“And no one ever will,” I whisper to him fiercely.
He smiles, nods, and gets to his feet, holding a hand down toward me. I take it and allow him to pull me to my feet and smile hopefully as he wraps his arms around my waist.
“I love you, Ells.”
Epilogue
BEFORE
We’re dancing slowlyin the living room to the sound of our own heartbeats. There’s no music because we don’t need it. I hold Ella tightly in my arms, kissing the top of her head when she rests it against my chest.
I’ve always imagined that on the day we got married, we would dance something like this—in a world of our own where music holds no meaning because we’re the only ones that would matter in that moment.
I don’t see my life without Ella and I know she doesn’t see hers without me and that’s why I know this is the only way. I’ll love her for as long as she’ll allow me to and I’ll give myself to her every night that she can stand it.
We may never have our family, but I think that we’re honestly perfect the way we are. Adding another person to the equation, even if it would be someone born of our love for each other, would only take her away from me and I can’t stand the thought.
I can’t stand losing Ella to anyone else.
It haunts me at night, thinking that maybe the bliss we shared thatonetime will be the time she gets pregnant and I lose her.
But Ella promised me.
She promised me I would never lose her to anyone else and I plan on making her keep that promise.
“Rus?” she asks.
I close my eyes and continue to sway around in a circle with her in my arms.
“Rus?”
She coughs and tries to push me away, but I hold Ella close and continue to dance.
“Wait. You’re holding me too tightly,” she complains with another cough and another attempt to push me away.
I won’t let go.
I’ll never let Ella go and she should know that by now.
I turn us in a semi-circle and continue to use my forearm to apply pressure to the back of her neck, kissing the top of her head again as she begins to beg and cry.
She’s telling me that I’m hurting her.
She’s telling me that she can’t breathe.
