Page 28 of A New Year Baby

CHAPTER 17

First, I drive to the bakery looking for Stella, but her mother informs me that she is not there. Then I drive in circles around town looking for her, before I think to head up to our spot. I drive over to the gazebo where I proposed to her, and sure enough, I see a single car there, and a person standing by herself. She’s all alone in the gazebo, with her arms crossed, overlooking the pond where her little girl is feeding the ducks.

I park Evie’s Jeep, and take a deep breath. I get out slowly, and walk over to the gazebo. She must hear me approach, but she doesn’t turn around.

“Stell,” I say quietly. And then I’m not quite sure what else to say, because how could I ever apologize for what I’ve done? Tears fill my eyes. There are no words to make up for this. Ever.

And I guess when you don’t have words… there are only actions.

I walk up behind her, slowly, gazing over her shoulder at the little girl feeding the ducks. Stella has her arms wrapped tightly around her body, and she’s shivering ever-so-slightly with cold. Or maybe she’s shaking with silent tears.

I reach out and touch her shoulder, and she doesn’t move. She doesn’t speak. But she doesn’t pull away. The tears slide out of my eyes now, and I don’t even care that I’m a grown man crying. When I was robbed and all my belongings were taken away, except her photograph—I wanted to live only so that I could touch her again. And now I’m touching her. She’s right here, inches away from me. I’m alive, and she’s real. And she’s beside me again.

I just thought it would never be possible. There was a whole ocean between us. I thought I would be dead long before I ever got the chance to come back here. And I thought she wouldn’t want anything to do with me. But she’s here. In our spot. In our gazebo. Something breaks in me.

I move closer to her, sliding my arms around her waist and hugging her tightly. I press my lips against her hair, inhaling the scent of her. Flour and vanilla, just as before. Just like I remembered when I thought I was losing my mind through all those nights of captivity.

There’s an explosion of emotion in my chest. I let my face fall against her shoulder as I hug her from behind and cry. I just can’t control the tears that burst out of me like a torrential downpour. They make my whole body shake violently.

I hold her tightly, like she is the most precious thing I’ve ever touched, and I just cry and cry like a baby. I’m not even ashamed. I wonder if this is what people feel like when they come home from a war. I’m just desperate for her. I’m unbearably happy, and sad, and overjoyed—and overwhelmed by the sweet sight of that little girl standing a few feet away and feeding the ducks. It’s everything we ever dreamed of, all those times we came and sat hear and talked about our future together.

And I left her to bear the weight of it all alone.

I wasted all those years we were supposed to spend together.

“Forgive me, Stella,” I beg against her ear, raining kisses against her hair and her neck. I’m aware that I’m probably covering her in my tears. “Please, please forgive me.”

She is silent and still for a moment, but then she turns around to face me and throws her arms around my neck. I can now see and feel how hard she is crying too. We just stand here for a moment, in the gazebo, our arms locked around each other tightly, hugging and crying. Her cheek is pressed against mine, and I can feel the warmth of her tears mixing with mine. I turn my head to the side and kiss her tears away.

She turns head so that her lips to meet mine, and kisses me with all the pent-up longing and emotion of all the years we’ve been apart. I place my hand behind her head, letting my fingers slide into her messy, sandy blonde hair, unraveling her bun as I kiss her back deeply. She doesn’t know how badly I want and need her. I step forward until her back is pressed up against one of the posts of the gazebo, so that I can kiss her more deeply and feel her body melting against mine. She moans softly against my mouth.

“Jack,” she whispers, and her voice comes rushing back to me. It’s so feminine and sweet and gentle. It fills my soul with a sensation of so much love and longing, and makes my body instantly rock hard. It’s the first time I’ve heard her speak in hears, and I didn’t know how precious the sound was to me. I was such an idiot for taking it for granted for so long. When I was robbed of everything, and I had no money or clothes or food, the thing I somehow longed for most was to hear her voice.

I would happily tear all her clothing off right now in this gazebo and take her right here against this post, if we were alone. But then another voice reminds me that there are little eyes watching us.

“Um, excuse me, sir. Who are you? And why are you kissing my mom?”

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