Page 154 of Tarnished Tyrant (Zhukova Bratva 1)

As I think, tears prickle the backs of my eyes. I’ve never been one to dream about a future. My present has always been too chaotic to start making plans. But for a minute there… I saw one with Nikolai.

In the end, I do all I can do: I nod. “I’m done,” I promise her. “For good.”

“It’s not just for my sake,” Xena adds. “I’m doing this for you, too. My brother will kill you if he thinks you’re interfering with this deal.”

She makes the threat so casually that I miss it at first. As it sinks in, though, goosebumps rise on my arms. “Excuse me?”

Xena nods in confirmation. “He’ll come for you and your entire family. He’s done it before.”

My heart clenches. Thoughts of Elise run through my mind. What the hell was I thinking? Getting involved with Nikolai, bringing Elise into this world… Stupid. So reckless.

I spent my entire life blaming my mom for putting me and Elise in a dangerous environment, but then I turned around and did the same thing.

I might be even worse.

“Here.” Xena reaches into her small red clutch and pulls out a small envelope. She holds it out to me. “This is for you.”

I stare at it, my hands at my sides. “Is that hush money or something? Because I don’t want to take it. Nikolai filled me in, but I don’t know how stuff like this works. I don’t want the FBI knocking on my door because—”

“They’re plane tickets.” Xena opens the envelope and shows me what’s inside. “For you and your sister. I figured you’d want to get back to Oklahoma City as soon as possible.” My shock must be written all over my face, because Xena smiles. “It wasn’t hard to find where you lived.”

I mentally add “find a new apartment” to my long list of things to worry about in the weeks and months ahead.

“No strings attached,” Xena continues, holding the tickets out further. “I want you out of my life as much as I’m sure you want to leave.”

I was already packing when Xena knocked on the door, even though I had no idea where I’d go or how Elise and I would get there. This is manna from heaven. Elise and I can get on a plane and this whole thing can be over, whether Nikolai likes it or not.

In the end, it’s not a choice.Do it for her. Do it for Elise.

I grab the tickets. “Thanks,” I mumble.

“The plane leaves in a few hours,” Xena says.

I see Nikolai’s face in my mind. His square jaw and gray eyes. His deep, gravelly voice in my ear. The way his tanned, tattooed skin looked against mine when we were lying naked together, flushed with each other’s sweat.

Xena stands up, smoothing out her dress. And then, with one final pitying look my way, she turns and leaves.

In a daze, I walk back to the bedroom and finish packing. Elise is still downstairs, but I’ll go get her once our bags are packed. I’ll explain everything—or as much as I can safely tell her, at least—on the way to the airport.

I reach for the pile of art supplies on the bed. My markers and pens, the notebook I started filling only this morning when I woke up feeling safe and protected.

Even now, knowing everything, some traitorous part of me isn’t ready for it to be over. Deep down, I naively thought we could work this out. That I wouldn’t have to leave.

But this is it. There’s no other way forward.

I leave the notebooks on the bed. There’s no room for anything else.

I have to let Nikolai Zhukova go.

37

NIKOLAI

SIX WEEKS LATER

Arslan drops into the barstool next to me. “Day drinking again?”

“It’s afternoon,” I say, pointing to the clock above the bar. The hour hand is just barely past the twelve. “And since when do you give a shit about that kind of thing?”

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