Page 185 of Tarnished Tyrant (Zhukova Bratva 1)

He winces like that was the harshest blow yet. I almost feel bad for him, but only in the way you feel pity for a bird that flies into a window.

“I know you’ll never forgive me for what I did. Or didn’t do,” he adds. “But losing your mom broke me. We didn’t have the money to get her the treatments she needed, and she was always better with you than I was. She knew how to talk to you. When she was gone, I couldn’t make it work. And I’m sorry for that.”

I’m not sure what I expected from him. He’s apologizing. At times in my life, that’s all I wanted from him. Recognition of what he did. Remorse.

But it’s not enough now.

It will never be enough.

I wave him off and back towards the door. “Don’t be sorry.”

“Does that mean you forgive me?” he calls after me, a wild kind of hope in his eyes.

“Fuck no,” I snort. “It means I refuse to be weak like you.”

46

BELLE

He loves me.

I can’t wrap my mind about it.

As soon as Nikolai stormed out of the room last night, I stumbled back to my room and crawled into bed. I stared at the ceiling, watching the shadows deepen and then fade away as daylight streamed through the sheer curtains.

Now, it’s full morning, and I’m still lying in bed, staring up at the ceiling.

“I should have said it back.”

My voice is raspy from lack of sleep and disuse, but my mind is as clear as it’s been in weeks.

Nikolai wanted me to respond. He wanted me to say it back. At least, I think he did. That’s what people want when they confess their feelings, right?

I love you.

I love you, too.

Simple. Uncomplicated. But things between me and Nikolai have never been simple. We are complicated in every sense of the word.

“He loves me,” I say softly.

Hearing it out loud doesn’t help me make any more sense of it. Lying in bed and letting the day waste away isn’t helping, either. I need to take action. I need to keep moving forward.

I should get up and go talk to Elise. Last night was a lot for me to absorb, and I already knew about Nikolai leading the Bratva and the mafias gunning for us. So Elise must have been blindsided beyond belief by the violence she witnessed.

But I can’t go to her. Not now. Everything I thought I knew has been turned upside down, and I’m in no state to offer comfort when I can’t even comfort myself.

Plus, it’s early. Hopefully she’s still sleeping. She needs the rest.

I slip out of bed and grab my phone from the nightstand. Making a phone call when I don’t know if or where Nikolai has cameras or bugs set up in my room is a big risk, but I’m out of options.

I step into the dark walk-in closet and leave the door cracked to let in a little ambient light from the main room. Then I nestle in amongst a rack of brand new clothes to hopefully dampen my voice.

“It’s me,” I say softly when the line clicks open.

There’s a sigh. “You’re alone?”

“Yeah, I’m alone.”

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