I take a deep breath. Is that what Nikolai’s admission was last night? A manipulation to keep me close and cooperative? If so, he's an evil genius.
Even worse—it’s working.
"I know. I'm not letting him manipulate me."
"You say that as if you'd know it was happening," she murmurs. The bitterness in her voice is hard to miss.
"I'm sorry about the wedding,” I say quietly. “I know it might not matter, but I didn't ask him to call it off or anything. I've been asking for him to let me leave. I didn't reach out to him. I don't want to be here."
"Stop groveling," Xena snaps.
“Sorry.”
"You're done apologizing, okay?" she adds, her voice a little softer this time. It’s a lesson we’ve gone over before, more than once. "You and me, we're the same. People don't expect anything from us. They'll try to steamroll us if we let them."
"I know. Shit, I know.”
"No one is going to look out for people like us except for us, right?"
That's what Xena has said to me from the beginning. Nikolai wants to protect me, but I have to learn to be on my own. It's the only way I'll really be free. And Xena is willing to help me make that happen.
She knows what it’s like. She’s been controlled by the men in her family her entire life. But she has the desire to make things better for herself.
And now, finally, so do I.
Even if that means denying my feelings for Nikolai.
Even if it means running away and starting over.
If I can take care of Elise, it will all be worth it.
“You said Nikolai is out of the house, right?” she asks.
“I think so. I haven’t seen him since last night. He took off, and I never heard him come back. But I haven’t left my room yet.”
She lets out a short sigh of frustration. I’m not as good at any of this as she is. “Okay. Well, once you’re sure he’s out of the house, you should break into his office.”
I frown. “Why? Won’t that raise even more suspicions? I want him to think I’m content living here, not trying to escape.”
“This isn’t just about you anymore, Belle.” Her voice cracks like a whip, and I can’t help but flinch. “He called off the wedding. My family’s deal with him is shit unless we can get Nikolai and the Bratva back on our side. To do that, we need leverage.”
It takes me a second to put the pieces together. “You want me to spy on him?”
“Just look through his office and try to find me something I can use.”
I groan. “I don’t know.”
“You’re just snooping. Everyone knows how to snoop.”
“I’m not sneaky, and I’m a terrible liar. I don’t even know what I’m looking for.”
“You need a little motivation?” she asks. “You being useful to my brother is one of the only things that stands between you and your sister and certain death.”
My eyes widen. Xena may be accustomed to talk of death, but I’ll never get used to the casual threats they throw around.
“But you said you’d help me escape.”
“And I’ll keep trying to do that,” she assures me. “But there’s only so much I can do. It would be a whole hell of a lot easier if you could help yourself a little, too.”