Page 43 of Ripped Lace (Ripped Bratva)

“So you’re threatening me, then. Not coaxing.”

“I’m warning you,” he clarifies.

I look around, feeling my appetite drain instantly. “I want to see my son.”

Phoenix unfolds a napkin and lays it over his lap. “You will see him when I decide the time is right.”

I stare at him, searching for the humanity I know is there. From the first moment I’d set eyes on Phoenix, I’d seen him only as a protector. He saved me twice.

This new version of him… I have no idea what to make of. There’s a kind Phoenix and a cruel Phoenix. Which version is the lie?

“Why?”

“In the hopes that it will encourage you to remember certain things about the past you claim to have forgotten.”

I suck in my breath. “Do you think I’m lying about it?”

He sits back and regards me with a thoughtful expression. “Undecided, as of yet.”

I shake my head. “I swear to you, if I thought that the Sanctuary had anything to do with an organization like Astra Tyrannis, I… I…”

“What?” he demands. “Tell me, Elyssa: what would you have done?”

“Something,” I finish lamely. “I would have done something.”

“Everyone thinks they’re a hero until the time comes for action.”

I wince. It’s as good as a slap in the face. I want to scream, to protest, to defend myself—but how can I? How can I say I didn’t do anything when I don’t even know what I did? What my family and friends might’ve done?

There’s no telling what kind of sins are lurking in the black chasm of my memory.

“You told me that Josiah raped you,” Phoenix says bluntly.

If the first thing was a slap in the face, this is a knife in the gut.

I rear back. “Excuse me?”

“Would you prefer a different word?”

“I…” I stiffen. He’s accusing me of being weak. Of wilting from the reality of what I suffered through. “No. He did. It’s the truth.”

“And yet you went back to the Sanctuary of your own free will,” he points out. “You agreed to marry the man you claim raped you.”

My eyes sting with tears. “I had no choice…” I whisper.

“What was that?”

“I had no choice,” I repeat, raising my voice and looking him directly in the eye. “Nor was I thinking clearly. I was alone with a baby to care for. Charity—my best friend, the closest thing to a sister I ever had—I’d just seen her dead body sprawled out across the floor with you standing over her holding a gun. I was heartbroken. When you kicked me out of the house, I got in the car and started driving. But then I realized that the duffel bag was gone. All the money was in there. I had nothing. So I looked at my son and made a decision. I chose to go back to the one place I knew would take me. And yes, I even agreed to marry Josiah. But… I didn’t know how else I was going to survive. If it was just a matter of my future, it would have been easy. But I had my son to think of. Surely you can understand that.”

He listens to me with a muted gaze. I can’t tell what he’s thinking.

But when he doesn’t say anything for so long that I’m starting to writhe with anxiety in my seat, I break the pregnant silence.

“I know it looks suspicious that I went back. But I was feeling like… like maybe…”

I choke over my own words and flail around helplessly looking for a lifeline. There’s none.

Steady on, girl. You don’t have to keep defending yourself. You had your reasons. And they were the right ones.

---