We drank in silence.
“My sister’s getting married next month.”
“Congrats.”
“I’m the maid of honor, and that’s the family reason I came out here. To try on the dress and help with the planning. I hate the stupid dress. It’s yellow. I can’t wear a yellow dress with a huge bow over my ass. Ugh, it’s so ugly. She’s doing this to me on purpose, I know it.”
“Simple solution. Wear the dress for the ceremony, the pictures, then don’t wear it to the party.”
Tania stilled, gesturing at me with her near empty glass. “That’s brilliant.” Her face dropped, and she swiped at her mouth with the back of her hand.
“You okay?”
“I don’t know these days. I’m drifting. My sister’s getting married to her first love, most of my friends are in serious relationships and making the big bucks, getting on with their lives like they’re supposed to, and—”
“Supposed to? Supposed to what? That’s your problem right there. You’re hung up on that shit word.”
“Finger, I can’t even hang onto a boyfriend. I know I’m difficult. Hard to please, can’t admit I’m wrong. I didn’t even want anything serious—I thought guys liked that. So it must be me.”
I took a swig of my icy beer.
“But when I caught Andrew in bed with Shelly the other day, I freaked. I heard them, I saw them...it was awful.” Her voice shook, her head sinking into her hand on the bar. “I didn’t think I’d care so much, but I did. I do.” She raised her head. Her eyes were wet. “Paying my bills is hard enough, trying to keep a business afloat...there has to be something I’m not doing right. Obviously, my karma is crap, and I’m fucking doomed. I should just give up.”
“You never fucking give up.”
“Easy for you to say.”
“You think?” I shot her a look.
“No, no. I’m sorry.” Tania jumped up on her toes and threw her arms around me. She nestled her face into my neck and sighed, her body pressing into mine. “Forgive me.”
She smelled good. Of pricey perfume, of clean. Her skin was warm against mine and had my pulse drumming a little faster. Tania’s skin, her skin...all three of us in that bed came running back to me, flashing behind my eyes.
I wrapped my arms around her.
“They’ll be other chances, other assholes,” I murmured.
“Is that what you tell yourself when you look in the mirror every day?” she asked.
“I don’t look in the fucking mirror.”
A sad smile clung to one side of her mouth. “Well, you know what I see?” She leaned in close to me. “Hurt, pain, anger, resentment. And love. So much fucking love,” she whispered in my ear, her lips grazing my skin, her fingers at my neck.
“Shut the fuck up.” I tightened my hold on her, liking the feel of her pressed against me, sharing her frustrations with me.
“Tell me it’s been easy without her. Tell me you’ve forgotten her,” she said.
“I don’t want to forget. I can’t cut her out.”
Tania slid down my body, releasing me. “You two...you were my idols. My sure thing.” Averting her gaze, she grabbed my beer bottle and drained it.
I brushed the hair from her face, my fingers lingering on her neck, her shoulder, catching in her sleeve, pulling it. A shiny black bra strap revealed itself. Tania eyed me. I held her gaze, the question, the idea.
“There’s a motel across the highway,” I said.
Her eyes narrowed. “I know.”
“That Andrew any good in the sack?”