Page 15 of Dagger in the Sea

Oh, wait, “bastard”—that’s me.

Mauro stood motionless in the distance, a stone mountain in the hallway, his eyes burning into mine. Shit, I still had to talk to him about my mother.

“Leave,” Mauro’s voice seethed.

And now was not the time. Fuck.

I got out of their house, their pompous fucking six bedroom house with the gaudy Italian lacquer furniture Mauro’s wife loved, my stride long and quick. Getting in my car, I gripped the thick leather steering wheel as I got the hell of out their neighborhood.

5

Turo

I let out a heavy breath,my head knocking back against the headrest as I got on the expressway and headed back into the city. I brushed a hand down my face.

This started with a girl.

I’d cheated on Ciara with her friend Serena, the former biker girl. Serena was beautiful in an odd way. She was funky vintage clothes, too much crazy colored hair, too many tattoos, and for all that exhibitionism, she was anything but an exhibitionist. Introverted, not very smiley, body language tight and in control. She was a woman of few words, yet the ones she used were careful and straight to the point like a sleek blade. But those clear blue-green eyes…oh, those gorgeous orbs told a thousand tales. I wanted to be fucked by those eyes alone.

An unusual desire for her had taken hold of me over the time that she’d been feeding me information about Med. I’d initially chalked it up to lust, but no, it had been more. Her last night in Chicago before she’d taken off for parts unknown with a new name and identity which I’d provided, I seized what I wanted—sex. She’d given into me, but she hadn’t surrendered. I tried to fuck her into submission, or at least earn some sign of appreciation, but nothing worked. Not the orgasms, not the intensity, not the pushing of every boundary. She remained remote, detached. Later, I realized that by screwing me she was setting fire to herself and her life up until that moment. A phoenix.

Thoughts of her had stayed with me long after that night, which was unusual for me. It was more than just a satisfying fuck with a sexy woman or the appeal of her imperiousness. I wasn’t sure, but it lingered for a long while like an exotic fragrance I couldn’t place and couldn’t forget. That fragrance festered inside me, but I ignored it.

A few months ago, three years after I last saw Serena, I met Finger, the man who had helped her escape from Med’s madhouse, and it all came together. Finger was a biker from another club, a club just as outlaw as Med’s—his rivals, in fact. Med had taken him prisoner and tortured him years ago like he had Serena, leaving him scarred and maimed.

Nonetheless, Finger had gone back in to Med’s lair and freed Serena and then brought her to Chicago where she lived in hiding. They kept their relationship secret. Unfortunately, Finger had gotten arrested and sent to jail for a few years, and Serena got spooked and took off having changed her identity again thanks to my help. After he got released, Finger came to me looking for her.

I’d listened to his deep, husky voice demanding answers from me about her, and that’s when I knew—it was his blood that pumped though her heart, his soul wrapped in hers if such a thing were possible. The fierceness in his eyes that night as he’d questioned me about where she’d gone, what her new name was—burning ashes. Full of torment and yearning just like her eyes had been, only she had learned to mask her pain with opaque ice.

He had a will of iron that had been forged in his raw passion for her, and it raged from him. It was palpable and pushed at me, like a wave in the ocean. This was being in love? This burning incineration?

I braked in the traffic on the exit ramp. Had he ever found her? Were they together now? Oh, for fuck’s sake, why the hell did I care?

Finger was a fearless, intelligent man, and I ended up hiring him for a job that Val had fucked up. Finger delivered, and the payoff for both of us had been undeniably huge. Boss was impressed, capos silenced, Val livid. So good.

Then and there I decided to keep my connection to Finger to myself. I had ruined Med’s stellar reputation in a matter of months thanks to Serena. I’d scored big on the Outfit’s resourcefulness scale with my Finger connection. But would any of those successes trump the blood issue? Would anything, ever?

No.

I knew that, so did Val, so did the Boss.

The Boss knew he could rely on me, though, and I’d worked hard to prove that to him over and over again. I provided steady income, no excuses, no complaining. But no matter how much I accomplished to lift myself up, I was dragged underfoot. Being a “consultant” as the Boss had named me was fine, running his prostitutes was fine, but it had gotten to the point I wanted more—my own territory, my own business within the business.

Rules were rules. Tradition was essential. My blood would always be an issue. I was the Tom Hagen of the Guardino crime family, for fuck’s sake. But this wasn’t a Hollywood film.

I wasin, but at the end of the day, on the periphery, out.

* * *

I maneuveredthrough the usual traffic in Lincoln Park and guided my black Range Rover into its parking spot in the garage under my building. José, the uniformed doorman, greeted me in the lobby and hit the button in the elevator that led to my apartment.

Once inside, I threw my trench coat on the vintage leather Barcelona chair my mother had given me as a housewarming gift when I’d bought the apartment. An ache raced over my skull. I needed a drink.

At my bar, I poured myself a Laphroig in my favorite glass and drained it in one swallow, my throat burning. I poured another.

Swirling the bracing liquor in my mouth, I took in the Chicago skyline. Earlier, when I’d gotten dressed and taken in this very same view, I’d felt more sure of myself, of my place, my future. Over the years I’d become good at kicking any self doubts to the curb before they flowered like a deadly plant releasing noxious fumes, rendering me immobile. I relished problems, finding a way out of their maze, breaking their code, solving, squashing.

Today, though. Fuck, today there had been no resolving.

---