Page 37 of Ironvine

Amanda sported a brittle smile as she raised her glass and clinked hers.

“Because of you and Charles? That was long ago.” Her breath burned in her throat as the words unrolled from her lips. “Have you taken up with him again?”

Amanda let out a small laugh. “Are you in shock? Should l ring for tea after all?”

“No. Don’t.” Georgie gulped at the wine.

“You know nothing of what it is to be bound to a man you do not want or even like. You know nothing. I imagine you like Hugh very much.”

“I do, yes.”

“I imagine you’ve had a great many suitors call on you since you’ve come out.”

“I have, yes.”

Amanda reached out and touched a curled lock of Georgina’s hair. “You remind me very much of myself at your age. The world at your feet. All eyes bedazzled at the sight of you. Everyone wanting to breathe your air, to dance with you as an excuse to touch you, speak with you, be seen with you. Desirous of a moment to impress you with their wit, their charm. How I enjoyed it.”

“Of course you did. You still do…bedazzle.” Georgina shifted her weight, suddenly uncomfortable. Philippa had told her all about Amanda’s great victories in their younger days. All the men of their circle had been in love with her at one point or another. Georgina remembered it herself, she may have been younger, but she had noted it.

“When I was younger than you are, I had fallen in love with a very handsome and very wealthy man. He had just returned from a tour of the Continent, but he was sent away once more, and we were to wait to be affianced. He left me and was all the way across the sea from me, on the other side of the world. Letters were rare and few…and…”

“And?” Georgina knew she spoke of Charles’s good friend Brandon, who was now married to her close friend, Justine. When they’d been younger, there had been an affection between Brandon and Amanda, but then Brandon’s father had sent him to the West Indies, where he stayed for almost two years to manage a new investment of his father’s.

Amanda took a long sip of wine. “Suddenly, waiting, and pining were no longer terribly romantic. In fact, they had become quite dull. There was no end to it. I realised then that I no longer felt gripped by this love I thought I had in me. So I allowed myself the entertainments of men once again. Men who promised me all the wonderful things a man promises a woman when he is besotted. A man will say anything to claim a smile, a touch, a kiss.” She eyed Georgina. “Isn’t that so, Miss Georgina?” Her eyebrow was cocked, and her lips parted. She was teasing her, making fun of her, the innocent maid. Or she knew what had happened with Hugh at the ball.

“Yes, men make a great many pretty promises to get what they want from you,” said Georgina.

“I very much enjoyed William’s words, his ardour, his fierce intent. And I accepted his offer of marriage.”

William was Brandon’s cousin.

“And you were happy?” It seemed an insipid remark, but Georgina wanted to know.

“I do not think I could ever be what some people term happy. Is it like the satisfaction one experiences after a very fine meal and good wine? After a good ride on your favourite horse?” She raised her glass at Georgie and drank. “After triumphing at a game of cards?” Her gaze shot to Georgie. “After a passionate few hours spent with one’s lover?”

Georgina’s insides twisted painfully at Amanda’s boasting veiled with a taunt, the smug smile sneaking over her mouth. She was implying that Charles was her lover. “Surely, Amanda, that is fleeting happiness, not—”

“It was very real to me. That was what I wanted more of.”

“Is not your child a source of happiness?”

“Yes, of course, he is. But what about me, Georgina? What about me?”

Georgina had no answer.

Amanda moved about the room, drinking from her glass in a greedy fashion, at odds with the world. “Mark me, you will remember that question one day when you are married for at least five years.What about me?A haunting question every married woman asks herself.

“You see, Georgina, once your enthusiasm wanes with your husband and his with you, once you’ve achieved the necessary delivery of a healthy heir or two, you will find you need to establish a new set of rules. You mustn’t take it personally. You mustn’t be upset if your husband delights in another woman’s body, looking for that very same searing yet fleeting satisfaction you long for. Why shouldn’t we, too, claim it for ourselves?”

“Amanda, I—”

She raised her hand in Georgina’s face. “I’m tutoring you on what to expect in a marriage. I am sure no one has spoken to you with such frankness on the topic.”

“No.” It was best to agree with her.

Amanda cupped Georgina’s chin. “You need to know, Georgina. Be prepared. It’s much better when you are prepared. No one tells you these things. I had to learn them myself. My mother was of the you-must-do-as-your-husband-your-master-tells-you generation. I find that ridiculous.

“I liked William well enough all along. Enjoyed his company. Found him attractive and most attentive. But as time crawled on, I became a bit reckless.” She drank more. “After we quit the country and settled here in town, things changed. Suddenly, there wasn’t the money we’d once been accustomed to. Suddenly, William was peevishly jealous of everyone and questioned every little thing I did or said. We argued frequently. One upped the other more frequently. And that, my dear, is a cold and slippery place to be.”

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