Page 41 of See No Evil

“No, I didn’t do this on purpose. How in the hell would I even know this was in here, Axel? You’re actin’ like this was some great conspiracy. A master plan to get over here and confront you!”

“You’ve got the keys. I have no idea what you’re doing when I’m not here.”

“You’re really crazy! Like, really, truly fucking insane! You know me better than to accuse me of something like this.”

“No, I don’t.” Legend shook his head vehemently, his face and body now covered in sweat. “I thought I did, but it seems I don’t know you at all.”

“You sound foolish. If anyone should be confused, it should be me. There you go, twisting and turning the conversation, trying to mindfuck someone again. I’m not going for it. I’ve known you too long, and I know how you operate. You’re a planner. You’re methodical, persistent, patient, merciless, at times evil, and you’re demented. Tell me what this is, Legend, before things go too far.” Axel pointed to the display, then looked back at him as if he were a thing, not a person. A twisted, warped, frenzied creature.

“And if I don’t? You going to the police? You gonna snitch?” He sneered.

“You know I’m not. I need to know for me, and me only.”

“None of your gotdamn business. For the third time, I AIN’T GOTTA TELL YOU SHIT! You ain’t my God, and you ain’t my devil. Man, get yo’ Dollar Tree, clearance rack, bootleg, knock-off made in Hong Kong, Jason Momoa wanna-be lookin’ ass the fuck out of my apartment.”

“This is technically my apartment, Legend, and I—”

And then, Legend snapped.

“I will blow a motherfuckin’ hole in you! I warned you! I told you to stop!” Legend sucked his teeth, ran his hand along the gun in his holster, and seethed—sending his message loud and clear. Axel’s gaze drilled into his.

“I’m not going to raise a gun to my brother, Legend. But if you raise yours, I will have to raise mine, so don’t make me. Remember, I can hit a target better than you.”

“But I shoot faster than you.”

As if on cue, their nostrils flared and they raced towards each other, attacking with vicious punches, kicks, and blows. In the tussling match, their bodies wrapped around one another as epinephrine soared, and testosterone filled the room. Stinging, flowing sweat and adrenaline rushed through him. The dogs were barking and snarling at the closed bedroom door. For a quick second, Legend debated throwing the door open for the dogs to rush in and attack Axel once he pulled free from his grasp, letting them rip him from limb to limb. They’d do it on command, and Axel would exist no more…

Then he felt sickened for even considering it. Just as quickly as the thought entered his brain, it left.

He had Axel now in a half nelson, but the man somehow grabbed and twisted his leg, forcing him to tumble to the ground. It was probably mere seconds, but it felt like hours. They rolled around, yelling and cursing until finally, they released one another, realizing it was futile. They were bloodied. Bruised. Barely able to catch their breath.

“Cas… Caspian… Caspian isn’t here… to… break us… up, like he used… to…” Axel’s chest heaved, his eyes glossy and his mouth split, blood dripping down his chin.

“No, he’s not.” Legend touched his mouth. It stung. They sat there, the bedroom in shambles. Things had fallen and broken, toppled over. And it wasn’t just the furniture. The dogs kept hollering and barking—and so did his mind. Rap music was background noise, but right then he didn’t feel like dancing. Singing. Drinking. Smoking.

He was disappearing within himself. He didn’t feel like doing much at all. As he lowered his gaze to the floor, he heard Axel getting up, followed by the crunching of boots over broken glass.

Axel let out a loud sigh.

“Legend… please talk to me. I’m worried about you.”

Legend kept his head down, but picked up a shard from the mirror that had broken, and held it tight. He looked at his reflection in it. Hating it…

“Legend, you’ve been going through some shit. Well, I’d thought… things were going well? Your offer to buy the land you wanted for your restaurant got accepted. You’ve started a new relationship, you’re still doing well at work, bills paid, and you’re kickin’ ass in cookin’ school—so much so, you said one of the teachers said you might graduate early. All of that is great… and then…” Axel took another deep breath, but Legend refused to look at him. “Then, I see this. This isn’t nothin’ but hatred. Hurt. Pain. You’re going to wind up back in prison, Legend. Whatever is going on, you gotta talk to someone. This… this ain’t okay…”

“I wish all I had to worry about was a racist father who lied all the damn time. I ain’t sayin’ it didn’t cut you, I ain’t sayin’ it was easy for you, man, but I’ve bigger problems than that. You can’t handle the answer to your question to me today, and I can’t handle tellin’ you. Just go, Axel. Please. Just go away…”

After a few seconds, Axel began to walk away. He paused, as if he wanted to say something else, but thought better of it. He opened the bedroom door, where the dogs lay, now settled, then closed it behind him. Legend waited until he heard the frontdoor open and close. Looking back at the mirror, he regarded himself once more.

Ain’t shit to see now, is it? No matter where you go, it always comes back. Now my best friend has seen a glimpse inside the back of my mind, the part that’s the darkest, dankest, deepest. Maybe Axel is right. I’m insane. Crazy. Out of my mind. Maybe half-breeds ain’t wrapped too tight, just like Greenwald said. All that blood mixin’, making confusion in the brain.

I looked at Axel today, and it’s sad, ’cause I think he’s afraid of me now, too. Not enough to duck and dodge me, or be afraid to throw a fist, but enough to know what’s behind door number 3. He asked for an explanation, but he ain’t ready. Nobody’s ready. The worst of me is mild, compared to the part of me that’s yet to come out.

Don’t nobody understand my pain. Don’t nobody see me. Don’t nobody see my evil, and love me anyway. It just can’t be. The beast in me that hates so hard refuses to be put to death. I’m practically fallin’ in love with an incredible woman, and I STILL want to tear this planet apart! She hugs me. Makes time for me. Makes me laugh. Cooks for me. Helps me, and I’m STILL pissed the fuck off. I would set the world on fire in a flash if I could. Love didn’t work to fix me, Ms. Florence! You were wrong! You put someone in my life, who I still can’t tell my truth to.

You wanted me to confront my evil, to see it for what it is, but I can’t do it the way you want me to. Desiree deserves the truth, but I can’t give it to her. I wanted to… I did… but I can’t. I’m broken. Ain’t no fixin’ it. Ain’t no fixin’ me. This is what happens when ya mama lets the world eat you up, and stands by and burps the Earth after it consumes you. She handed it a glass of water to wash me down. I look at my mamaand sometimes wish she would drop dead. I hate just about everybody, and now, I hate myself.

A tear rolled down his cheek, and he tossed the shard to the side.

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