Page 45 of See No Evil

“What do you mean?”

“If he agrees to meet you, watch him. Talk to him. Confront him. If things go left, leave his ass where you found him. Ain’t nobody got time to be chasin’ no nigga. They a dime a dozen.” Mama tossed the cigarette butt out the window.

“You’re right about that.”

“You’re a smart, pretty woman. The world is yo’ oyster. You ain’t out here in these streets. You raisin’ your baby and taking care of business. So proud of you. You done went to college and everything. You got a job, have a clean and safe place to stay. Don’t let a man become a headache and disturb your peace, Desiree. Give him one more chance before you give him his walking papers, though. Everyone deserves at least that much… Don’t I know it!” Mama smiled sadly as she adjusted her seatbelt. “Oh, baby, fo’e you take me all the way home, can you swing through McDonald’s fuh me? I want to get me a burger. I ain’t cooking tonight.”

“Yeah, I can do that, Mama.” They reached a red light, and Desiree leaned in, and kissed her mother’s cheek. “Thanks for the talk.”

“You ain’t got to thank me. You’re my daughter.”

“Oh, and not that it matters or anything, but he’s not Black. He’s White and Puerto Rican.”

Mama shrugged. “White folk can be niggas, too.”

“Mama!”

“Shiiiid! If he ig’nant and ignorin’ my baby for no reason, then his Casper the friendly ghost ass fits the bill either way, and I’ll call him that to his face. You want a burger, too? My treat?”

Desiree burst out laughing.

“You just transitioned into that so fast!” she hollered. “Mama, you are a mess.”

“I’m a mess, but I’m telling the truth.” The older woman huffed. “I don’t care ’bout what color he is, as long as he’s decent to you and don’t cause you much heartache. Every man causes a little, so don’t expect a smooth ride. If it ain’t another woman making him pull away, then he needs to speak up. Some people go through things, then shut down. Some men ain’t good with their emotions whatsoever, but if y’all supposed to be together, then y’all need not to go through those thangs alone. You’ve got each other for a reason…”

Chapter Fourteen

Legend had ignoredAxel most of the day at work. He’d clocked in and clocked out. Did his damn job. Now he was sitting in an elementary school parking lot, waiting for Desiree. The past few days had been rough. He just wanted to be alone and sort his thoughts, figure out his next move. He felt badly for not giving her his full attention, but his mind wasn’t right, and he didn’t want her to see him that way. How he’d got sucked into showing up for one of her speaking engagements at a local elementary school was still beyond him. Perhaps she’d called at just the right time, when his defenses were down.

She claimed she wanted to speak to him face to face. He wasn’t surprised. There was no way she’d continue to allow his silence to reign over them. She wasn’t an idiot, and she knew him well enough now to sense that he was retreating, putting distance between them. Regardless, he agreed to come, and she suggested they go back to his place afterwards, to have a chat.

He was caught between a rock and a hard place, trapped between a problem and a promise. How did one say,‘I have an ongoing problem that has almost cost me my life. To make matters worse, my best friend saw something that I kept private, and now, he knows something is up, too.’The thought of that terrorized him to the point he could barely sleep. Axelwasn’t a stupid man, and there was no way he’d not bring this up again.

What if he told English about his findings, and she helped fill in the missing pieces? Some women seemed to have a sixth sense about such things, and then, Axel would know his secret, too. The very thing that almost destroyed him.

His phone buzzed—a text from Desiree telling him she was inside the school, and what classroom she was speaking in. After chugging his Gatorade, he checked himself in the mirror and removed his Yankees ball cap. He brushed his hair to get his waves poppin’, then got out of his truck.

After being buzzed into the school and going through the necessary checks, he received a visitor name tag and was told where to go. He could hear Desiree speaking, introducing herself inside one of the classrooms. It wasn’t long before he heard children erupt in laughter.She must’ve told them a joke, but I missed part of it. He looked down at his shoes and smiled.

He loved her voice. Her laugh. He missed her scent. Her love. The current distance between them put a hurtin’ on his heart, but he needed the reprieve. His hand surrounding the cold knob, he turned it and stepped in. Desiree introduced him to the class and teacher as her friend, just stopping by to observe and show support.

He gave a quick nod and wave, then took an empty seat on the far-right corner in the first row. As he looked around the classroom full of colorful letters and numbers, charts, and children with smiles on their faces, some of his old memories of when he was a little boy in class came rushing back to him. Nausea reared its head.

“He’s tall! I want him on my basketball team!” a little red-headed boy yelled, causing rolling laughter.

He smiled at the boy who’d spoken, then made a swooshing noise as he pretended to dunk a ball in the air. Once the class settled down, Desiree started to talk about herself, and her life.

He stretched his arms and legs as she got deeper into her spiel. Minutes ticked by, and his chest tightened. He zoned out, but each time she said something about her personal experience with her father, the PG rated version for young ears, he felt a sharp pain in his heart. Clasping his hands together, he lowered his head, and silently prayed.

God, please get me through this. My girl told me all of this, everything that happened, but it’s just too much for me right now. I can’t deal with this today. I know what she does at these schools, so why I agreed to this is beyond me. I guess I wanted to prove to her that I could be there for her, but at what cost? She’s so calm talkin’ about it, even throwing humor in there, but ain’t shit funny. She’s good at this. I see why she does it, and I understand why people from all over the city call her to come speak on it. She’s really good at expressing herself, being real but gentle with her delivery… while still getting her point across.

When I asked her why she’d subject herself to talking about this shit over and over again, she said it is therapeutic for her, too. Regardless, I have things in my head that she told me, that I can never forget, and to know she was in that much pain kills me. How can someone’s own father ruin a child’s innocence like that? I’m not a daddy, but I know that if I ever created life, I’d protect that life with my own. He created her… that was half of him, and he…. he… God! What kind of sick fuck does that shit?! I just want to run out of here. I want to leave, but I can’t.

I can’t do her like that. First, it was her father. Then it was her baby daddy, and a bunch of other guys after him that she was with that did ’er wrong, too. By the time I stepped to her, she was over it. I didn’t expect to fall in love with her, but Idid. I’m stuck. I’m not mentally stable enough for this woman. Period. I can’t be someone I’m not, because the real me will always emerge. I’m a monster. I’m out for blood right now, and I don’t want her to get hurt in the process. It hurts to admit that to myself, but it’s true. I’m shattered. Torn up. I’m a human puzzle and pieces of me are scattered all over the floor. I can’t give pure love, ’cause I’ve never experienced it before. Until now…

“…And there were other behaviors, too. The bottom line is, it’s not your fault. Silence makes it worse. Shutting down and pushing your loved ones and friends away makes it worse. That’s what they want. For your support system to be gone. For you to keep your mouth shut…” She went on, and on, and he began to sweat, though it was rather cool in the room. After about twenty minutes or so, she was finally finished. He sighed with relief. She answered some questions, and he looked at each child who raised their hand, wondering this and that. When it was all said and done, he stood to his feet and forced a smile.

As they exited the classroom, he met her gaze and fell in love all over again.She takes my breath away.With her, he lost complete control of his emotions. Every time he looked into her eyes, she pulled at his heart.

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