Page 52 of See No Evil

“It’s possible. It’s also understandable.”

“You’ve asked me a lot of questions today. I want to ask you some if you don’t mind.” His entire tone and demeanor changed then. He appeared smug. Resolute. Bitter. Would she be his mental and emotional punching bag?

“What do you want to ask me?”

“Do you know the statistics for a pedophile to molest or rape again? You know, the chances of them reoffending?”

“You know that I do, Legend.”

“Well, I’m going to say it anyway. You see, there’s an eighty-seven percent chance they’ll reoffend, even with treatment. That doesn’t match the figures that are posted online, which show a much lower, inaccurate number, but there are actual leaked FBI files that show therealnumber. Of course, that would fuck up the judicial and penal system, so they keep that under wraps.”

“Yes, I know. A lot is hidden. There is more protection for the perpetrator than the victims.”

“They can’t be rehabilitated, Desiree. There’s no hope for them. If a mothafucka is attracted to a kid for sex, there isno curing that shit! It’s just not going to happen. We want what we want, and it’s hardwired in us. Ninety-six percent of kid fuckers are men. Seventy-six percent of those sons of bitches are married. See? You’re not the only one who can give performances, and offer helpful speeches with all kinds of data to back it up, baby.” She looked away, but he grabbed her chin and made her face him. “I’m fuckin’ smart. You’ve had one of the smartest mothafuckas on the planet, in your presence! In your life! In your bed!

“Ain’t nobody gotshiton me in the brains department. I investigate. I plot. I KNOW.” He tapped on his temple as he glared at her. “Even when they’re old and feeble, and can’t get their dick up anymore, they’ll use a finger… a stick… their mouths. By any means necessary, they will get their gratification. They’ll be in groups where they laugh and get turned on by kids gettin’ fucked on film, and you have the gotdamn nerve to ask me what do I get from them being dead?! I GET SATISFACTION KNOWIN’ THEY’RE IN HELL. WHERE THEY BELONG! That’s what the fuck I get!”

She took a deep breath and nodded.

“Do you know what’s on the dark web, sweetheart? Do you realize how many underground organizations are creating child porn, sellin’ it, getting rich off child sex trafficking? Sometimes, their own families sell them. Do you know how many mothafuckas in political office have a desire to mess with kids, and go to Thailand, or places like that, so they can mess around with children with little to no law enforcement stopping them? They come back to the United States, kiss their wives and children, eat dinner, stand up in church and sing songs while clutchin’ a Bible and talking about, ‘Let’s Make America Great Again,’ when just two days prior, they were suckin’ a thirteen-year-old girl’s little breasts, that haven’t even fully developed, and ruining her gotdamn life!

“This is the sick ass world we’re living in, and since I’ve shown you all of this, I may as well go out with a bang!” He got so close to her face, she could barely distinguish his features. Just blurs of anger… “I donate to cloak-and-dagger sting operations. A sting operation is an underground group that hunts pedos, and hurts them badly. Castration and disfiguring, to name a couple techniques. I help pay for weapons to kill these mothafuckas, too. All this money I’m making just ain’t all for cookin’ school. In prison, I killed four of them myself. I asked for three minutes.” He held up three fingers. “That’s all I needed. Paid the guards good. Then I’d slip in their cell and slit their fuckin’ throats. Watch ’em bleed out. I slept good those nights too, baby. These three mothafuckas,” he marched away from her and pointed to the display inside his closet, “are special to me.

“They are my dessert, after a seven-course meal. Cooking became a way for me to escape, and now is the way for me to get my life back again. I got extra money in prison by cookin’ for other inmates. I got physically big. Strong. Pushed weight. Nobody was tryna fuck with me, unless it was to order some food. I can fight. I’m resourceful. I’m on the battlefield. I’m a soldier ’til the day I die. I’m slaughterin’ these mothafuckas, left and right. Every day a pedo is killed is a damn good day, in my book.”

“Have you ever gotten counseling, Legend?”

“Have I ever gotten counseling?” He smirked, looking at her as if she were crazy. “My Ruger GP100, Glock 19 and Smith and Wesson are all the counselin’ I need, baby!”

“I’m serious. I am telling you right now, as a person who knows, that even when they’re dead, you’re still going to feel the pain in the pit of your gut, Legend! You’re still going to have nightmares. You willstillbleed on the inside.”

His nostrils flared as he walked up to her, huffing hard. His eyes filled with bloodlust, violence, but she stood her ground.She would not cower, for she was looking into the eyes of a hulking monster. Inside though, he was just a small, trapped child. A terrified little boy.

Never breaking eye contact, she reached for his hand. He was trembling. She felt it as soon as she touched him.

“What the fuck a counselor gone do for me, huh?” he sneered. His wide, tattooed chest poked out, reminding her of an enraged bull, ready to tear shit up. “Ask me a bunch of dumb ass questions?” His jaw tensed. “Say dumb shit like,‘It wasn’t your fault.’ I FUCKIN’ KNOW THAT! I didn’t ask to have my six-year-old dick sucked by a grown ass man! I didn’t want my asshole played wit’! I didn’t need three mothafuckin’ men slobbering all over me, caressing me like I was some fuckin’ woman, a lover of theirs, their long-suffering wives. I alreadyknowit wasn’t my fuckin’ fault, Desiree! I already know that most adults don’t help and protectshit! We’re makin’ the laws, and we let these mothafuckas walk, time and time again! They get a slap on the wrist, while the guy with a joint gets ten years! Mothafucka out in Covington just raped a whole baby, it was on the news, and he gets counseling and put in a special part of the prison for his own protection. He gets meals with salt and pepper, while the baby he ruined gets a lifetime of trauma and mental disorders, and grows up to be a LEGEND!

“I already know that bein’ called ‘pretty’ by a grown ass man is fucked up! I already know that bein’ called ‘Freckles,’ by your abuser, is not a cute nickname—it’s part of the groomin’ process. So when a teacher does it, and you tell him not to, you gotta let that bitch know what time it is! I already know that accepting toys and candy from these mothafuckas is a mistake! I already know that the nightmares of them trying to fuck me in the ass ain’t gonna stop, but at least they won’t be alive to dream of me no gotdamn mo’e! I already know that Ms. Florence meant what the fuck she said, when she told me to TELL SOMEBODY ILOVE THE TRUTH OF WHAT HAPPENED TO ME! When she told me that my mama failed me, but she wouldNEVERTURN HER BACK ON ME! I knew she meant that shit! When she said, ‘LEGEND, GET YOUR SHIT TOGETHER, OR I WILL HAUNT YOU IN YOUR DREAMS!’—she meant that, too!

“She was right when she warned me that I am lettin’ them win, if I keep messing up my own life! I knew that somewhere, somebody loved me… but then she DIED! I had nobody to talk to about this anymore. I had her one day, and she was gone the next! The one person God let me have, who had my back, he snatched away from me! Don’t tell me what a mighty God we serve. He is CRUEL God! And I have accepted the fact that kings can and will be mean! God is LEGENDary! I alreadyhada counselor, baby! Her name was Ms. Florence. I was already failed by a selfish ogre. Her name is Paula—she is my mama. She birthed me, named me, and left me to die. She’s a ditzy, silly ass woman, who was so horny and desperate for a man, she turned a blind eye to what was happenin’ to her child. Then called me a liar even though I had bruises all over my fuckin’ body, and the doctor told her somethin’ wasn’t right! SHE REFUSED TO SEE THE EVIL! They still left me in that house! SOCIAL SERVICES REFUSED TO SEE THE EVIL!

“In fact, nobody from child services came to talk to me at all. And even if they tried, I would have fought ’cause my fuckin’ sister wasSTILLin there, and I was gonna be damned if I let them get a hold of ’er too! My father abandoned us ’cause he wanted a new life. I love children, they are amazing, but I told you I won’t have any of my own because this world is sick, and I’m afraid of causing them the same pain that was done tome! Abandonment! My brother fell out of an apartment building window and died when he was a kid!”

The veins bulged in his neck and face, and she could no longer see the man she loved inside the person speaking. Thiswas someone else. Someone who’d been crushed by the world. “A bunch of shattered glass and police officers, and a chalk outline! That’s what I have left of Tarik!”

Her eyes welled up. She tried to keep a straight face, but he was killing her. His pain filled the room like water in a vase that was now overflowing, drowning them both.

“My mama was once again wrapped up in some man, not watching her children, and he fell out of a tenth-floor window. My big brother. GONE. Over some dick! It was always a man before her kids! Always a nigga before her babies! So fuck her! Fuck a counselor. Fuck letting bygones be bygones. Fuck turning the other cheek! I told Ms. Florence that I was going to do right on my promise to her—to tell my story. I’m tellin’you! I’m showing you who I am, Desiree, and what I’m about. But certainly, Ms. Florence knew me well enough to understand that couldn’t be the end of it. My talking to you I mean, and pouring all this filth out at your feet. I need a happy ending, baby. I need a bloodbath.”

He clenched his fists. “I know you can understand. Remember how you smiled when you told me your fucked up daddy was dead.”

She swallowed, trying to not blink. To move. To breathe.

“I already know I ain’t right in the head, and I’m fine with that. So what? I already know my daddy failed me because when he left the home, I ain’t have no protection. These predators saw a single woman with kids. A single White mother who doesn’t pay attention to her children, and acts like they are an inconvenience half the damn time. I don’t want my mama dead. I used to think I did, but I don’t. What I want is for her to leave me the fuck alone. She was a target, and I think deep down she knew it. I became a sittin’ duck because of her own shit that she never worked through. I had a plan though, honey. You see, when I started fightin’ back, getting bigger, these mothafuckasgot scared because I wasn’t afraid of them no mo’e. One of the three was originally from up North. Jersey.

“He thought nobody cared about shit like what he was doing over this way. I’m just a country boy, right?! A half-breed livin’ in poverty. Wit’ my pretty hair, gold eyes and freckles, a piece of exotic meat to these fuckin’ freaks! ‘Oh… he’s different lookin’, ain’t he? Oh, he’s so skinny and cute… Looks like a bitch!’ I started fightin’ back. I started actin’ out. I started yellin’ louder! Then my voice started to change, and I wasn’t so cute anymore. I had razor blades in my mouth when they’d try ’nd kiss me, and I learned how to hide a knife. I was gettin’ stronger, and they couldn’t hold me down no more. I threatened them… and I meant that shit. I told them I’d be back when they least expected it. I’d look them in the eye and let ’em know, ‘Bitch, when I return, it’ll be with a vengeance!’ CHURCH!”

She tried to avert her gaze but he stayed in her face, his rage a demon within itself. “So no, baby. I don’t require no fuckin’ counseling. I receivedallthe help I need. My counselor, the woman whoshouldhave been my mama, is in a coffin, ashes to ashes, dust to dust, God rest her beautiful soul, but she’s also still very much alive. Let me tell your pretty little ass something.” He grabbed her arms and shook her. “Look at me! I promise that I love you, Desiree…” His voice softened. “I promise I’d never hurt you in a million fuckin’ years. I promise I understand your pain, and you understand mine. We were made for each other. If neither of us knew that before, wedefinitelyknow it now. I promise that one day, if you can stand the rain with me just a little bit longer, you’ll get the sunshine and rainbows for the rest of your days. I promise that I’ll be goodforyou, andtoyou…

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