Page 2 of Painting Her Fate

These many weeks I’ve abandoned the safety of my room only to use the bathroom. It’s sad I can’t do that alone anymore. Any sign of running water and Gran is right there to oversee I do not make any decisions I would regret.

Little does she know there are many other things that relieve pain and everlasting heartache if one is determined. I’ve had time to think about these things, too much time.

Sighing, I don my favorite jumper; the grey material is cozy and a bit loose-fitting now that I’ve lost weight. A twinge of discomfort strikes as my belly growls its demands. It’s time I seek something to quash this ache.It’s now or never.

The trek to the kitchen feels a lot longer than I remembered as I descend the staircase. My movements cease at the midpoint of my descent as I hear a loud commotion coming from the kitchen. Mum is yelling near the top of her lungs; I’m assuming she’s telling Gran yet again to quit fussing over me.

Gran’s sweet, timid voice is not the one responding and is instead that of a male, a foreign stranger with an American accent. He snapped back just as stark and brash as mum had.

“How could you keep this from me?! Fifteen God damn years!” There is a pause as his voice breaks, “I- I need to see her. Give me that much. Let her make the choice on this,” another pause, “Guinevere, please!” He begged.

Wanting to hear this, I scurry down the stairs then standing just out of sight from everyone in the other room.Who is he here to see?I allow the thought to float around in my mind.Fifteen years…

Mum huffs then lashes out, “So you can take her from me? Is that it?!” Mum turns defensive and the man snarls.

“That’s not-”

“Leave! Daniel!” Mum interjects with a screech, “leave, and never come back! You’re not welcome! You have no right to be here!” Her tone is clipped as her lashing continued, at Gran this time. “I cannot believe you of all people- MY OWN MOTHER- would go against my wishes and do this to me! You had no God damn right!” I ball my fists, trying to hold back my intervening. No one speaks to Gran this way and gets away with it.

A growl emanates from the stranger, Daniel, raising gooseflesh on my arms.

“Don’t blame June for this! You should’ve been the one to tell me, clearly, you’re still too damn selfish to think of someone other than yourself.” Hostility grows as tensions rise, “She has a right to know-”, his voice is etched with regret and starts to break, “-how fucking sorry I am.” He clears his throat to gather himself, “so no, I’m not leaving unless I’m escorted in handcuffs.”

“That can easily be arranged!” Mum spat back, “shall I give a call now?!”

“Now, take a breath, both of ye.” Gran steps in, her soft-spoken demeanor flared with a wee bit of Scottish sass, “stress is not good for the babe.”

A pause, “Guinevere-,” that tone of hers says she means business, “you owe the two of them this opportunity. Lili's therapist said this could help her with her recent - seclusion.”

Bloodyhell.Could I be right?Is it-him? I feel a surge run throughout

my body, a lightning strike of adrenaline. I ball my hands and take deep breaths, my hunger forgotten as I try wrapping my mind around everything I overheard. Voices grew louder, more agitated, then came a pause. No one spoke- the tension in the room damn near impenetrable.

I couldn't hold back any longer, I wanted to know if my suspicions were correct. I whipped my body around the doorway then gaped at the sheer size of the stranger before me. The well over six-foot man had his back to me, his arms crossed, biceps stretching the arms of his black shirt, feet encased in black leather boots. He’s bruiting, unlike most men found in London.

Mum is shadowed by his body as she stands by the cooker, and Gran, opposite mum, stood at the sink and let out a gasp when our eyes met. She brought a hand to her lips to hold back saying anything more. Her eyes went wide with surprise then softened with a twinkle of excitement as she glanced at the man.

He spun around in a haste. Our eyes locked, everyone fell silent as we just stared at one another, both wide-eyed and frozen.

His features are strikingly similar to my own. We share the same shade of gray-blue eyes; Gran forever goes on about how they remind her of the heavenly skies of Scotland. His dark blonde hair matched my own, although his was neatly trimmed into a military cut as mine was an unkempt rat’s nest. I can’t remember the last time I’ve done something to it. Shower- towel dry- repeat. It’s not like I go anywhere nowadays. What caught me by surprise was viewing the shape of his nose and the widow's peak at the top of his forehead; this told me the truth- I didn’t need a test to confirm I was part of him.

He exuded strength and a commanding energy that felt like nothing I had sensed before. I wasn’t afraid of him but given his size and demeanor, I can imagine he is someone not to be messed with. I felt nothing but a strong protectiveness from him. I needed that, needed him to tell me he was here to protect those I love from my monster.

My heart damn near leapt from my throat. I wanted to scream, burst into tears, sink to the floor, and shut down. These past fifteen years being told by my mum that my father didn't want a thing to do with me, it kept an empty void in my heart, where he should have been all along. A tentative whisper breaks the silence.

“Liliana.” His arms fall to his sides and his breath leaves him in a rush

as he tries holding back tears.

I barely made the words'dad'come out of my throat before I threw my body into his hard chest, my hands balling into fists against his back. A sharp burning flooded my eyes, then the tears began streaming down my cheeks. Once they started, I couldn't stop them.

His body tensed then I felt his arms wrap tightly around my shoulders. His heartbeat raced under my ear and his body trembled as sounds of our weeping filled the room. I could hear Gran crying nearby as well.

A large hand stroked down my unkempt hair, “Please forgive me Lili, I-, I just found out two days ago-.” His choked words only broke my heart further, his emotions flooding him now that he was left in the dark as much as I was.

“You didn't know.” I mumbled into his chest then pulled back to look into his familiar eyes again. Gran held a tissue out for me, and I took it. “We didn't know.” I whisper full of my own emotion. My thoughts are scrambled as I try to wrap my head around the situation. Everything is happening way too fast.

We stood like this, locked in a fifteen year too-late embrace, almost like he and I were emotionally reading the other person and trying to make up for so many lost years.

---