Page 43 of Painting Her Fate

Remembering her actions this morning, how she knew the basic defensive moves, and her closed off demeanor throughout the day, I can see the signs. She’s been through more than she’s letting on. This is more than what a breakup does to someone. I can sense the dark depravity lingering on the edges of her stability.What the hell happened to this girl?I slammed the door in my mind and locked everything away. My grip loosens on the steering wheel as I calm myself.

Emotionless me.

The way the Marines made me.

Never whole again.

I can’t leave her alone like this.I won’t. I want to be her anchor. If

that means digging a little to find the answers I seek, I just might.

Time will tell.

_CHAPTER 9 - LILI_

“A kiss possesses a thousand tales for thine heart.” – Layla Lochran

“Lili. We’re here.” Zander’s familiar tone breaks me from my thoughts.How long have we been sitting here?“Lili, you, okay?” There’s worry tinging his tone.

Oh God, the smoke. I can’t get it off me.

I’m taken back to the worst nights of my childhood. Why suddenly did my emotions take over? Why did I have to go back to that bad place?I hate it there.Don’t let Alexander see you break.Do not give the monster the satisfaction.

_Age Eleven_

Gran’s been away a few days on the holiday of her dreams. Retirement is treating her wonderfully, and it is what she deserves. Mum still consumes her days and nights at the law office and is never home. I’m beginning to wonder if she must have sleeping quarters there. That leaves me here in this big house, most times by my lonesome, well, other than my tabby kitten, Goldie. Gran and I found her in an alley, only days old with no mum in sight. I nursed back to health and now she is the spunkiest thing I’ve ever laid eyes on. I have many books to explore, an abundance of instruments at my disposal, and of course my collection of Doctor Who fandom; yes, I am a Whovian for life and think it the absolute coolest to meet David Tennent one day. Obsessed, I am not. Okay, maybe just little. I’ll be fine.

With the sun high in the sky and chirping birds on the breeze, I feel light and giddy, my typical happy-go-lucky mood amplified now that school is officially on holiday the day after tomorrow. My good mate Patrick left for holiday yesterday, the lucky bugger. Scotland is lovely this time of year, early spring with blooms in abundance. I cannot wait for Gran to get back so we can visit our Scotland origins – my secret garden is calling me.

I’ve been used to setting myself to bed for a few years now, c’mon,

I’m eleven. I am a mighty lass and can be here by myself. I tune the radio to mine and Gran’s favorite station and lower the volume. I thought of her whilst humming one of our favorite song, Hey Jude by The Beetles. Before I knew it, I was finding peaceful slumber.

I lay there on my side, asking what might’ve given me a start. Nothing but silence in the room. No noise came from the radio, no cars outside. It’s late. Then the bed dips, my first thought is mum has made it home and is coming in to check on me. Until I get the smell of a pungent smoke. Mum doesn’t smoke. He does. Why is he in my room?

There’s a slur in his drawn-out words, “You’re awake, my little flower.” He took a long drag on his cigarette, the lit end lighting my darkened room and casting eerie shadows along the walls. As he spoke, smoke billowed from his lips and smacked me in the face, “Be a good girl and keep quiet.” I tighten my grip on the blanket, ready to hide under the covers.

If’ I’m under them nothing can hurt me. I’m safe. This isn’t real.

He tugged the blanket from my grasp and flung it to the end of the bed. I squeeze my eyes closed. No! He took a lock of my hair in his fingers and breathes near my cheek. Get away, Lili. Run!

I’m trembling. I cannot move. I shiver, my nerves begging me to flee. He growls his approval, I close my eyes.

“Ohh, this one is my favorite, little flower.” He trailed the back of his fingers across my cheek, “best not soil it.”

_Present day_

I don’t answer Alexander, instead just sit there staring at my hands, my thoughts in a thick fog.I’m shutting down after smelling the smoke, feeling someone foreign touch me.Run, Lili.

I’m startled again when he opens the passenger door. He holds his hands out palms up, showing he won’t hurt me.

“It’s alight.” He starts, “Is it okay if I walk you up?” He asks, instantly soothing me, “You shouldn’t be alone right now.” He held his hand out in offering. I glance to his face that is cast in shadows; those deep gray mystic eyes sear into my soul, leaving me enraptured and breathless.I want to sketch this man.I play it like a mantra in my head and fall down the rabbit hole of everything Alexander.What was I supposed to be doing again?

I must’ve nodded because he leaned in and unbuckled my seatbelt.

“Ready?” He asks, soft eyes still gazing into my soul, “I’ve got you.”

In that second, I believe him. Nothing bad will get through this strong, put together, Marine.

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