Page 59 of Painting Her Fate

I feel those cracks, they’re splitting apart, ready to crumble. When that happens, it will fucking break me.

I can’t deny these couple days have been great being with Lili and taking a break from the bar, but I have worked strenuously for two years to get the bar to where it is today; night and day with not so much as a full day off since signing the papers. I have a ton of paperwork piling on my desk as we speak, a leaking cooler in the kitchen that’s ready to kick the bucket, the health inspector should be coming within the next few weeks, and it’s about to be ant season by the pool table like every fuckin’ year before now. There is a running list, and everything needs checked off. I have so much on my plate, I can’t afford to have any more distractions.

I should let her go before she finds out I’m already married to my bar.Would I be able to let her go even if she didn’t want something serious?

There is the hidden problem. I do not think I could let her go if I tried.

Back at the bar, I tuck in my office for a few minutes, dig through my cabinet and locate a clean black shirt with the bar’s logo on it. Giving it a sniff for good measure, I change and get right to work.

Finding a moment to catch up on payroll and write checks for a few vendors, plus pay the plumber that didn’t do dick for my leaking cooler, I’m exhausted.

Man, this is going to be one long night.

Thoughts of Lili out there on the dance floor made it seem all the better.

_CHAPTER 11 – LILI_

“Allow a lover in your world only if they are deserving, not demanding.”

-Layla Lochran

“Woo! We are going to have so much fun tonight!” Emma claps her hands together, “It’s nice having a girl to chat with in the midst of all the testosterone in my family.”

We enter my flat and Emma wastes no time exploring my wardrobe. Emma is this tiny hellraiser that barely reaches five feet, sports a blonde bob with a pink underlay, and always with a smile. She and I have known one another for about a year, shortly after they moved into the complex and became neighbors. Emma threw herself into my life and I’m glad she had. This chick can easily keep my mind off anything negative. She’s a good mate to have.

“Oh, I love this! I need one in my size.” She held up a black V-neck top embellished with silver sequins, “youhaveto wear this, maybe with some ripped black skinny jeans- no,” she dives back in then pulls out something a little skimpier, “this skirt, you know, to show off a little peek of that thigh tattoo you hide all the time- girl! You have to show that beautiful art to the world!”

I’m sent a wink, and not sure I’m keeping up with her. Like hell I’m wearing a mini skirt.

“Oooooh! These boots!” She screeches as she pops back out from the wardrobe, a pair of black thigh-high boots with a chunky heel in her hand. Her tone is laced with sex appeal, “My brother will not be able to keep his hands off you.” She arranges the items on the bed and held out the shoes, waggling her perfectly manicured brows at me in challenge.

I shake my head and grab for the clothing, sands boots. Let us see how short the skirt is and go from there.

“How am I supposed to dance? Can’t I just wear my converse?” I ask through the bathroom door.

“No way!” She squeaks a protest, “They pull the look together.” Her excitement is evident, “Ah-Ha! And the perfect jacket!”

I let out a chuckle at her easy amusement. Emma reminds me so much of Tamara, which can be both good, and oh so evil. They both have profound sense of style and a bubbly attitude about everything, but they also love having control, speak whatever the hell is on their minds, and the worst part of all, they butt into everyone’s love life.

If only I could be exempt from that last one but sadly, I feel I have no chance of that ever happening.

“And to clarify,” I say once I get the top on, its cut giving the simplest gander at my breasts without overdoing it. Okay, I’ll admit it, this is a smart choice, “your brother and I are just friends.”

I feel I should clarify that statement, but do I believe it, is the question. I cannot deny the feelings that rush to the surface when we’re nearby. Could I be ready for my first real relationship? I never felt this swarm of emotions teaming inside me. Can I be ready to move on from everything in my past?

Can I allow Alexander to meet my monster and not have him think me mental?

My only worry is if Alexander searched in the right spots, he would undoubtedly receive an eye full, one painting me in a bad light. It casts me as the vial person, the prissy missy, and a girl screaming for attention. There are two sides to every story.

Ultimately, I just want to be left alone, to paint whenever my heart desires, give to those who need it, and see to it a person never has to go through what I endured.

One of Tamara’s favorite songs,I Kissed A Girlby Katy Perry finishes playing on my bedroom speaker, and I smirk to myself.I wouldn’t mind Zander having a taste of my ChapStick, and no, not the vanilla lip balm. I give one last run of my fingers through the waves in my hair, not forgetting a hair tie, knowing it will be up once we start dancing.

“Friends? Girl- I’m not blind, I have never seen my brother gaze upon a‘lady-friend’like he does you. You make him happy.” She goes silent for a minute, and I’ve come to realize this is her way of planning mischief, “and if I have it my way, you will make the best sister-in-lawever!”

There it is. The elephant in the room has arrived. I almost messed up my mascara.Marriage.Pffff. Not for me. Not ever. No thank you. It’s not on my list of things to happen in my life. Glancing at myself one last time in the mirror, I raise my chin and open the door.

Emma shrieks in the confined space as she sees what I’ve added to the look, “you- look- fabulous! Oh my gosh!” She snaps her fingers in approval, “girl, I’m loving’ the bad-ass Lili.” She held a pleather moto jacket to complete the look, “my brother is going to lose- his- shit when he sees you.”

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