Page 72 of Painting Her Fate

I’m trying to hold out long enough to watch her come undone first.

With a jerky thrust of her hips, her body goes taut, “ah – shite – fuck.”

Her vice-like grip on my cock has me chasing her over the edge and jumping off, “Fuuuck.”

We gradually come down from our high, her forehead resting on my shoulder as her breath leaves chills in their wake. Lili tries shifting off my lap.

“Don’t go, not yet.” I plead with her and grip her hips.

Show me you, Lili, the real you.

Her walls are built back up again, solid. She’s not budging.

She shakes her head and hides her face in the shadows. Her hands none-too gently remove mine from her waist, then she’s out of bed gathering clothing from her dresser and racing to the bathroom.

The room is pitch black now without the faint lighting, leaving me alone, just me and my thoughts.

I don’t know what to do. How do I make it better? Did I say something I shouldn’t have? Was I too affectionate? Not enough?

The biggest question of all; did I let this go too far?

I should’ve been a better gentleman and given her a little more time

to adjust – or stopped it all together. That is exactly what I needed to do. Her heart wasn’t in this,not like mine. Maybe that’s my problem.

Get it together Marine – you haven’t done this in a while and clearly both of you have shit to work through. Leave your heart out of this.

Shakespeare was right about one thing;‘Love looks not with the eyes, but with the mind’.

Lili’sdeformitiesas she considers them, the scars that she bares, I pay them no heed. Beauty lay within the body, not on it. Not that her body disgusts me, quite the opposite. I can’t enough of her curves.

Here we go.It’s not the time for poems, dipshit. Quit thinking of A Midsummer Night’s Dream, and call through the door to see if she’s alright.

I can’t find my voice.

Maybe I should go; allow her to process, or rather WE process, separately.These days and nights in her company has my head spinning. I can’t think straight. She has secrets and the military man in me demands answers.

I need to get out of here. Standing,

I gather my clothes into a ball and mentally curse myself over and over at all the what if’s running through my head.I’ll leave after I clean up.Just as I remembered her second bathroom down the hall, dim lighting filled room once again as the bathroom door swung wide.

Lili kept her face hidden, ignoring me as she made her way to the bed and huddled under the covers and tucked in as if chilled.

She doesn’t want you here asshole. You ruined this – ruined her. She never wants you back here.My demons are a lively bunch tonight.

Disposing of the condom, I’m shocked to discover an uncapped script of Xanax on the counter; it being my reminder I still need to call Shark. Did our time together affect her on a scale that badly? Fuck if that doesn’t take the last bit of my pride and stomp on it.

Told you, asshole. Lili is wanting nothing to do with you now.

Shut the hell up, you don’t know what she does or doesn’t want.

Staring at the closed bathroom door, not in the large hotel sized mirror, I contemplate what my next move will be.

Leave or stay? Leave or stay?

If I dash out of here right this second while she is still conscious,

would she be upset? Or is this her silent way of telling me to get the hell out of here and leave her alone?

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