Page 75 of Painting Her Fate

That is where I should be. Six feet under. Maybe then others would be here in my stead.

Lili’s mystic eyes are dark and mournful as they find mine, “I’m sorry, so sorry for all you’ve been through and what you still endure.” She chokes on a sob, “I want to take your pain away.”

“Damn it, Lili.” I can’t stop this breakdown from happening as I tighten my grip, sensing the onset of my own tears falling now. Her words rattle me to my core, she’s breaking down this tough Marine and it’s frightening as all hell.

God, why does it hurt this fucking much?

Cupping her jaw, I lean in and lay a bruising kiss on her lips, our tears mingling and bodies trembling from our silent cries. I want to dispel her tears and tell her it will all be okay, unsure if it will ever be okay.

“Shhh, it’s alright.” I brush away more stray tears.

“It’s not fair you to have to suffer like this.” She wipes her eyes with her sleeve and sniffs, trying to gain control of her emotions, “I’m sorry, I’m usually not like this.” She tries hiding her face, but I hold her in place.

“Hey, it’s okay – It’s okay, it’s okay.” I repeat, rubbing her shoulder, “shed no more tears.” Deep down I question to myself if my reality will ever be okay. Her troubled features grip my heart in a vice, “To quote Hemingway, ‘The best way to find out if you trust somebody is to trust them.’ I trust you, Lili, completely.” I tuck a strand of hair behind her ear then lean in, placing another, yet softer kiss to her lips. “Let our time we share flow in a gentle stream, not as raging rapids.”

She’s sectioned off her emotions for far too long. Could this be the breaking point we both needed?

I fear this has only scratched the surface.

Time for a lighter topic.

I smile down at her, “how about that omelet now?” I plant a kiss to the tip of her nose, “you going to fulfil your end of the bargain?”

I finally get to see that smile as her worry diminishes, “you’re lucky, I don’t play for just anyone.” She sighs, adding a touch of sass, “you must be special.”

“I do in fact feel special.” I quip, “I’m making breakfast for the prettiest lady I know.” She spins a dining chair around to face the kitchen.

Stunned laughter breaks the last of the anxiety plaguing me, “best to not say that when your mum and Emma are present. You might be spanked.”

She laughs a good-hearted laugh, a sound that pulls at my heartstrings, then she begins strumming her guitar.

“Ooh, now that sounds fun.” I turn to eye her expectantly, “spanking is kinda kinky. Should we try that next time?”

“Oi! Behave!” She screeches then laughs again.

Honestly, if I happened to say ‘Lili is the prettiest lady I know’ in

front of my mom and sister, they will first bawl their eyes out, then in the next breath they’d be welcoming Lili into the family. Come to think of it, I’m fairly sure Lili is already integrated into our crazy. She better hold on tight.

There is no doubt mom caught the way I looked at my siren, not that I was hiding. Can you hide things from your mom? They see all when it comes to their children. Scare me.

Could I have more with Lili? I wasn’t lying when I told her she makes my days brighter; my pain is there, but she aids in keeping my tolerance in check and my demons caged.

End this now or your business will fail. She is a distraction you do not need, not now, or ever.

Pushing those thoughts to the wayside I focus on the here and now, and the woman who has me wrapped around her finger as I crack two eggs into a bowl, “so, do you take requests?”

Her joyous laughter rings as my answer.

_CHAPTER 13 - LILI_

“I never paint dreams or nightmares. I paint my own reality.”

– Frida Kahlo

_London, Age sixteen_

For my sixteenth birthday Gran and I spent the day together in the city, shopping, dining, and exploring our little secrets we share. Once home and blissfully exhausted, I entered my room to find a small, wrapped box set atop a gorgeous sapphire dress waiting for me on the bed. The note that is drawn in my stepfather’s handwriting said I was to be dressed and downstairs by five so that we could go to a new restaurant in the city.

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