Page 84 of Painting Her Fate

Lili is still very much in a dream state. A nightmare, more like it. My own body is shaking as sweat coats my skin.

What the fuck was that?I’ve heard of military brothers coming home with this kind of PTSD, but no civilian should ever have to deal with something like this.What. The. Hell?

Before I knew it, she’s cupping a hand over her mouth then racing to the bathroom, about falling to the floor due to her feet tangled within the covers.

I stand and rush to her side, helping her up, then she flings herself to the toilet. I lift the seat just in time for her be sick. I hold her hair and rub her back until she is finished, all the while she’s apologizing profusely.

Sorry? She was the one to go through this, not me.

She’s quiet as she brushes her teeth and takes some sort of pill from the medicine cabinet. She doesn’t elaborate on what it is, and I don’t ask. This one however, is not her Xanax. Is this something stronger?

I help her back to bed. I’m hesitant to be near her for her sake, but in the same respect, I want to hold her close and slay her demons for her. Right before we make it into the bed, her mood shifts from being zoned out, to being lively as if everything is right in the world.

I can see right through her ruse. She’s frightened beyond belief.

“I’m going to make tea.” She departs the room before I had the chance to ask her what that was all about.

She’s only dressed in a pair of black panties and a string top, so I grab her robe from the hanger on the back of the door, catching up to her just as she begins to fill the kettle.

“Lili, wait.” I don’t want to shout or touch her and take a chance and of her shutting down like she did the other night. I stand there quietly, not saying anything more as I watch her. She keeps her back to me as her hand trembles, barely holding onto the kettle. A loud clang from the kettle hitting the basin of the sink sounds. A sob escapes her as she crouches down and leans against the cupboards, holding onto her knees.

I react in an instant – turning off the faucet, crouching down next to her and pulling her into my arms. I lean against the fridge, the cool metal making me suck in a sharp breath, but I endure it for her, I always will.

“Xanax,” She falters, – please.”

“You don’t need it.” I confirm, “I’ve got you, Lili. I’ve got you.” I repeat it a few more times for good measure.

She doesn’t struggle, just tucks in tightly and curls herself onto my lap, allowing me to hold her and let her cry into my chest. I drape the robe over her back and run my hand along the material, trying to sooth her, maybe gain some of my own grounding as well.

“I’m sorry. I’m so sorry. So sorry.” She whispers her cries, over and over between sobs. Tears well in my eyes and I don’t bother to blink them back. I weep with her, for her.

“Shhh. You’re safe.” I whisper as I close my eyes and try to calm my racing pulse, my anger sitting at the forefront.

Why won’t she give me answers.

We sit there long enough that her cries and trembling cease, her breathing evening out. I continue stroking her back, my own heartbeat back to a somewhat normal rhythm. My ass is cold and hurts from the floor, but I will endure it for however long it may take. This discomfort is nothing to what I’ve endured in the desert. I look out the large bay of windows to see it is still dark, having no idea what time it is. When I think she has fallen asleep, her whisper breaks through the silence.

“Alexander?”

She’s going to ask me to leave. I can’t leave her like this, I won’t leave her like this. “Yeah?”

“Don-, don’t leave me.” Her emotions flood her voice still, front and center.

Fuck.My heart breaks seeing her this way. She’s vulnerable, the innocent little lass is back begging for her guard.

I’m here sweet girl. Always here.

“Never.” There is no way I could leave her in this state, not ever. I hope I can be the one she leans on for the rest of her days.

Is it possible to fall for someone this soon? I know in this moment that I will do anything in my power for her to be mine, she just needs to let me in.

I’m not declaring my love for her tonight, it’s not the right time. I’ll know when the right moment strikes.

Maybe now that some of our feelings are out in the open, Lili can start giving me answers to all these questions I have. A lonely tear escapes her, I brush it away with my thumb. Her gaze moves away in shame. I know she is strong; I can tell she is rarely one to cry in front of anyone. She keeps it bottled inside, this was just the spill-over, the bottle has much left within. She’s weary and sleepy as she speaks now.

“I’m not sure if I am ready for this. It’s all way too fast.” There is worry in her features. I cup her face in my hands and tilt her head to have her look at me.

“However slow you need this to go, I’m not going anywhere, Lili. I

---