Page 93 of Painting Her Fate

My hand grips the metal casing of the window as I try to gain my composure. Thunder rumbles in the distance. I feel his presence behind me, far enough for him not to touch me, but there, nonetheless. Hank nudges my side, pawing and whining at me to pet him. I don’t think, just drop to my bum, bury my head, and run my hands along Hank’s back.

*Saddened whisper* “Time to go Hank.”

“Jesus, Lili, what the hell did this bastard do to you?!”

*Taunting inner voice* Zander will never accept you now. He’s disgusted by you. Just look at yourself – broken – weak – vulnerable. How pathetic you are.

I’m panting, unable to control any of this situation.Why did I invite him over? I should’ve had him stay away.I feel sick, legs too weak to drag me to bed. I need a pill; any pill will do.

Take all the pills. Then you will no longer have to worry. You would have sweet eternal sleep.

Sleep sounds good right about now.

He kneels beside me, “let me make it better, I -”

“Just drop it!” I yell. He pulls back, blinks, stunned and Hank starts whimpering. “There is no help out there for me. None.” I take a beat to calm down then turn away and shove Hank towards his owner, “Just go. Please.” I draw my knees up to my chest, wrap my arms tightly around them, and weep.

He whispers my name, “Lili, Lili please. Talk to me.”

A bright flash of lightning streaked across the sky over the lake, a loud rumble of thunder in its wake.How I love thunderstorms.

I’m right at home here in this mindless abyss.

This is the best option for the both of us. No need to try and form a bond we know will become broken in the end. I do not have the fight in me to continue this.

Numbby Linkin Park sounds in the background, matching the despair

in the air.

Numb.Sounds like a good plan.

I don’t move from the floor, even after the click of the door sounds.

The storm continues raging outside, beating against the windows, the wind howling its mournful cry, and thunder screaming for me.

-Alexander-

My hands cradle my head, struck with a pounding headache, one that hasn’t let up since leaving her place last night. Let’s see if I can keep it from hindering my day. Is it me, or does it seem like the music station playing right now is channeling my torment?

After arriving to the bar shortly after six, I sent Shark a text cancelling the search on Lili. Hopefully, his job in Cali has an extension, giving me a sliver of hope he hasn’t started on my request. I knew I shouldn’t have asked him in the first place, pushing Lili to tell me her secrets last night has put me in this shitty mood. Hank is even feeling the effects of not having Lili’s touch. I know pup, I miss it too.

Lili crashed into my life kicking and screaming, her heart sang to me, and now I’m terrified I’ll never hear her beautiful melody or fall victim to her sassy comebacks. Hell, there is no way I’d think of lavender the same again.

I’m not right without her.

My mind raced with thoughts of what I could’ve, no – should’ve done last night. I should’ve fought with her to stay, instead, I put my tail between my legs and left her on her own.What an asshole you are.

Ford trods in and plops his burly frame onto the loveseat. He’s here early with me to put a tourniquet on the cooler, that’s if there is any life saving measures to be had. Chances are slim that it will live to see another day.

“You look like shit baking in the sun, there boss.” Ford’s pleasantry lacks its usual humor.

I grunt as my reply and keep my eyes trained at the paperwork in front of me. More than likely Shark filled him in on our conversation the other night. Sometimes it sucks having your brothers all up in your shit; this is one of these times.

“That good, huh? Why so glum? Is it your shoulder?” Ford moves his head around to crack his neck, sighing in relief when a decent pop sounds, then he starts on his knuckles, popping them one by one.

“I don’t wanna talk about it.” I feign interest as I down two more pain relievers. “Don’t start today, Kay? I’m fine.”

I’m not fine. Anything but.

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