Page 111 of Everything Under the Sun

“Look at me, Thais,” he whispered onto my mouth just before kissing it. “If you want me to touch you,” he said, as he continued to touch me, “all I ask is that you look at me. Don’t close your eyes.”

How is that possible?!

I nodded, staring into his eyes, afraid that if I looked away, if I didn’t do what he’d asked, that he would stop. I would die if he stopped. I’ll die if you stop…please…oh, God.

ATTICUS

She was so soft underneath my hand, so fragile, so sweet, so everything the world was not. I wanted to die…Oh my fucking God, just kill me and get it over with.

I peered into her eyes, searching her depths, drowning in her as she drowned in me. And when I felt her body tighten, her legs shudder and tense and collapse around my hand, I rubbed harder, faster, and did not relent. Her fingers wound tightly in the back of my hair. How can a woman so small have such a strong grip? I thought, and I wished she’d pull harder. Her thighs clamped about my arm with so much force. How can a woman who weighs so little be so powerful? And I wished she’d squeeze tighter.

“Atticus…oh, Atticus…” she cried out, her head and back arched against the mattress, her hands clutching the sheet.

Breathe. Breathe. Calm…

Finally, when her body stopped trembling, I stopped.

She lay on her back, breathless, looking up at the ceiling.

“I’m sorry,” she said in a quiet voice.

I pulled her dress back down and laid beside her again, facing her.

“Sorry for what?”

“I…looked away from your eyes,” she said. “I couldn’t help it.”

I leaned in and kissed her lips. “It’s okay,” I whispered onto her mouth.

I pulled her against my chest, wrapped my arms around her, nestled her head underneath my chin. It’s over, I thought as her warmth coalesced with mine. Now I have a new battle to fight. How am I going to let her go when I get her to Shreveport—if I get her to Shreveport? How will I be able to leave her? I squeezed my arms around her. I didn’t want to think about it. All I cared about was the moment.

Thais giggled suddenly and pulled me from my thoughts.

“What’s so funny?”

She raised her head, propping it on her knuckles, her elbow pressed into the mattress.

“I was just…thinking of something.” Her face was bright, red even, in the darkness of the room.

My brows crinkled in my forehead.

“About what?”

THAIS

I didn’t want to tell him, but another part of me did. I was shy; the thought of doing something like that made me flush with heat.

Atticus raised his head.

“Thais, tell me.”

I couldn’t look him in the eyes anymore.

With a dark smile, he reached out and cupped my chin, forcing my gaze. “Tell me,” he urged.

After a moment, I said, “I just thought…well, I thought you might like me to touch you with my hands?”

Atticus shook his head and laid back down.

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