Page 70 of Everything Under the Sun

Finally, when I realized she wasn’t going to budge this time, I surrendered with a sigh, raised my body into a full upright sitting position, and then held out my hands to her if only to get her off my case about it.

“You can’t just clean them once,” she said, pouring the water over the wounds. “You have to keep them clean. It’s not like we have antibiotics lying around if they get infected.” She peered in closer at my hands.

I watched her, letting her do what seemed important to her, and strangely enough I found myself comforted by it. It was different than the comfort I felt when with Evelyn Bouchard. With Evelyn, I was a man not only confiding in a friend, but also one who could fulfill my needs as a man. With Evelyn, I could let off steam, confess my secrets and my desires; I could talk about my family, but most of all, I could confront the darkness that consumed my heart every day. I never had to keep my feelings of rage bottled up inside with Evelyn. I could tell her anything, inflict upon her any pain I needed to release. Because Evelyn found her absolution in taking on my agony, my sins. Evelyn was my only means of escape, just as I was to her.

Thais was exactly the opposite.

With Thais, I had to be careful. I couldn’t kiss her lips, or feel her beneath my hands; I couldn’t lay her down and ravage her the way I needed. Even right now, as she cleaned the tiny specks of dirt and debris from the top of my fingers, I needed a release. Emotional. Physical. Spiritual. Sexual. But Thais was not Evelyn, and to violate her in that way, I knew I’d never forgive myself.

“How are your ribs feeling?” she asked.

She set the empty bottle down and peered in closer at my knuckles for one last look.

“They’re getting better,” I said, though I didn’t know if they were or not—they weren’t getting worse, and that was a good sign, I thought.

“I take it you were the doctor in the family?” I said in jest.

She looked up from my knuckles, and she smiled. It alone, in that one fraction of a moment, did something to me—it softened my heart for her, made me feel even more protective of her than I already did. Such innocence. Dear God, why did You leave someone like her in my charge? I didn’t much believe in God—I used to—but that never stopped me from talking to Him every now and then. Just in case.

Thais released my hand.

“I guess I was the doctor,” she said. “I mean, I didn’t know much except what I learned reading in books, and from the things my father taught me, but I did what I could.”

She moved around to sit on the quilt. I sat still, watching her, listening with great interest.

“I learned about herbs and medicinal plants mostly, but I know how to do a lot of other things—I even helped build one of the houses in our town.”

I raised both brows.

“Oh, so you’re a carpenter and a doctor?” I smiled.

Thais blushed and shrugged.

“And a farmer and a fisherwoman and even a teacher.” She seemed very proud of what she could do, a little excited even, to be sharing it with me.

I laughed lightly under my breath.

“What’s so funny?” She tilted her head to one side, curiosity creating lines in her forehead.

“Fisherwoman,” I echoed. “Just never heard that before.”

She crossed her arms.

“Women are just as good at the things men can do,” she said with offense.

I waved a hand in front of me, shaking my head. “No, that’s not what I meant,” I said, apologetically. “The word—fisherwoman—I’ve just never heard it before. It caught me off guard, is all.” I went to lay back down on my spot beside her, wincing with my movements, until settling on my back again. “Fuck, I say the dumbest things sometimes—and I curse a lot. Sorry.”

“It’s okay.” She laid down, reached out and tugged on her dress, tucking it between her legs. “My sister used to say: Fuck all those heathens!” She laughed, and then looked over at me. “I’m not a child, Atticus; no need to mind your tongue around me.”

I laughed a little, too.

“Well, in any case,” I said, “I believe you were a great fisherwoman.”

Her face flushed with heat.

“I was,” she admitted, and a smile glowed in her eyes. “In fact, I still am.”

I admired her face longer than I’d intended.

---