Page 93 of Everything Under the Sun

When she didn’t answer right away, I sank to my knees in front of her again.

“Thais, I do the things I do to protect you,” I said, and she looked right at me, unflinching. “I…I’m sorry”—I lowered my head—“I know I’m the worst at expressing myself, but I would never hurt you.” I reached out carefully, in case she might retreat from me, and I fitted my hands around her upper arms. “I’d never raise a hand to you, not even out of anger—you have to believe that.”

“I’m not afraid of you,” she said, her words composed, her voice level. “I’m not afraid of you, Atticus, but sometimes I’m afraid for you.”

She reached out a hand and touched my prickly face under her smooth fingertips.

“Whatever that guilt is you feel,” she continued, “whatever your regrets—for the things you couldn’t change, the things you had no control over—you need to let it go.” Her fingers fell away from my face; the feeling they left behind made me ache inside as if I’d just lost a friend.

“And just like you want me to trust you when it comes to my safety, I need you to trust me when it comes to telling apart the good from the bad—I couldn’t live with myself if I let those people starve, and you need to understand that. It’s all I ask.”

How was it true there were any good people left in the world at all? But how was it possible there was good left as pure as it was in the one who sat right in front of me? In front of me, of all people. To combat the urge to get choked up over the revelation, I nodded and forced it out of my mind.

“Okay,” I agreed.

“Promise me,” she said, and a soft smile appeared in her eyes, “that you’ll ask me from now on before you start swinging.”

I snorted.

“You’re kidding, right?”

“Do I look like I’m kidding?”

She may not have looked like she was kidding, but I still had a difficult time taking her seriously—her smile had a lot to do with it.

I fell onto my bottom, then drew my knees up, resting my arms atop them at the wrists. “Now,” I said, “there has to be some compromise in there somewhere. If someone attacks us first, I’m not going to stop and ask for your permission to retaliate—not gonna happen.”

THAIS

“That sounds fair,” I agreed with a nod.

He smiled, and although it was a simple smile that just barely tugged the corners of his mouth, I was beguiled by it; his blue eyes enriched the color of his rugged face behind all the dirt and tiny growing hairs. His lips, I thought, I rather liked to look at them.

After a moment, I glanced down shyly at my hands in my lap, felt a sea of timidity in my stomach.

“Is something wrong?” he asked.

I looked up slowly, but it was becoming more difficult to face him. I shook my head and took a deep breath.

“There’s something else I…want to ask of you.” I could hardly get the words out; I almost changed my mind. Almost. I will not be afraid. I will not be afraid.

“Of course,” Atticus said. “Anything.” A new smile broke in his face then. “Unless you want me to start giving all of our stuff away to drifters. They can find their own; work for it like we have. And yeah, I know we didn’t exactly work for the stuff at the farmhouse, but that was different.”

“No, it’s not that…”

His smile faded again.

“Then what is it?”

I wrung my fingers in my lap, and then raised my eyes to his.

I will not be afraid…

“I want you to kiss me.”

ATTICUS

I froze inside my skin; nothing moved but my eyes for a moment.

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