Page 96 of Bitter Queen (Advantage Play 4)

“Are you sure you’re ready?”

“I don’t think I’ll ever be ready to face him again,” I mutter to myself.

“You don’t have to do this.”

“I know.”

“We can wait until you’re ready—”

“I’m ready to put him in my past,” I return before glancing toward the looming shed. “Which means I need to look him in the eye one more time.”

“You sure?”

“Yeah.” I gulp, then turn back to him. “I’m sure.”

His finger brushes beneath my chin, lifting it a few inches before his spine curves down, and he presses a soft kiss to my parted lips. “You can do this.”

“I’m scared,” I whisper, feeling like a small child.

“It’s okay to be scared.”

“You’re never scared,” I counter.

“Bullshit.” He laughs. “I was terrified when you went missing.”

Missing.

It feels like a lifetime ago, but my bumps and bruises prove otherwise.

Licking my lips, I ask, “Then what did you do?”

“I used that fear to push me forward instead of letting it paralyze me.”

Being paralyzed has always been my first reaction. It was the one I clung to. But D’s right. Sometimes, we have to fight our natural instincts and push past them, searching for the correct response and repeating the behavior over and over again until it becomes second nature.

Just like in the gym when we’d practice Jiu-Jitsu. When I’d want to pull away from my opponent instead of bringing him closer to get what I want. And even though I wasn’t able to escape Sei without D’s help, I was able to stall him until D could rescue me by bringing Sei closer. By playing his game and tricking him into letting me out of those handcuffs. Because if I hadn’t, I’d have more than bruises on my face and arms. And healing from that particular form of abuse was hard enough the first time.

Sometimes, we have to pick the harder route because we know it’ll pay off in the end. And if I let my fear paralyze me, I’ll regret it for the rest of my life.

“Then I guess that’s what I’m going to do too. Come on.”

With my head held high, I push the heavy door of the shed open. Déjà vu hits me square in the chest as I take in the bare space. In the center of the room, there’s a chair with a drain conveniently placed beneath it. But instead of Burlone being strapped to it, it’s Sei.

The last time I was here, I was drowning in self-loathing, hatred, bitterness, and every other dark emotion, and I was positive I’d never be able to look in the mirror without my scars glaring back at me. But I’m not drowning anymore. In fact, I feel like I can fly. Like the storm is clearing, and I can see blue skies ahead of me. I just need to finish this.

Squeezing Diece’s hand a little tighter, I look at him from over my shoulder.

He’s my rock. My knight. And my biggest cheerleader, although he’d kill me if he knew I looked at him that way.

My lips tilt up in amusement before I take a deep breath and face my demons head-on.

Sei’s long, stringy hair hangs over his face, shielding him from view. But I can still feel his eyes on me as they peek through the greasy curtain. Shoulders hunched, and his hands cuffed to the arms of the chair, he mentions, “Took you long enough.”

“Sorry,” I reply, my voice dripping with sarcasm. “I was a little banged up after our encounter. Figured I could use a day or two to rest.”

He lifts his chin and scans me up and down. “Looks like you could use a few more.”

Rolling my eyes, I harness my fear and saunter toward the cabinet in the back of the room like I don’t have a care in the world while praying he can’t see the way my entire body is trembling with every step. “Thanks. You don’t look too great yourself, ya know.”

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