Page 154 of Remi's War (Four Dark Horsemen 2)

I groan inwardly at his no-nonsense tone, letting me know he will do exactly as he says, although I can understand where he’s coming from.

After that fateful night with Remi where I decided to give this obsession of mine that consumes me a chance, life has become passionate, dark bliss with a dash of crazy.

Since I’d never been to Chicago before, Remi created a whole program for me to explore the city, although it is very unusual.

Instead of dragging me to all the museums and famous places that Chicago is known for, he has taken me to less popular spots, showing me the hidden beauty of this magnificent city and the quiet atmosphere around us that still exists in megapolises. According to him, this way I get to discover my true love for the city, because it’s just like with people; you learn to love them on the inside after being attracted to their outward beauty. Sometimes, I think that’s how he longs for me to judge him too, from the inside instead of focusing on his outside deeds.

All the sightseeing hasn’t stopped us from having hot, passionate sex on every available surface, and goose bumps break on my skin while hot flashes travel through me just remembering our last encounter in the park where anyone could walk up on us at any minute.

My husband quickly taught me not to be shy either and to succumb to our urges wherever the mood strikes us. Deep down, I know he will always protect me and will never let anyone see me in that state.

My eyes close when his whisper echoes in my ears.

“You’re mine, chérie, only ever mine.”

My stomach flutters while my heart contracts in my chest. The lustful and needy sensations envelop me whole, because I think I’ve slowly become obsessed with my husband as well.

The way he holds me… cherishes me… looks at me as if no one else exists for him. What woman could resist it, let alone someone like me who has fallen for the monster?

My bliss doesn’t make me blind to what he does in the darkness that’s a second home to him, and he doesn’t even hide it. In fact, whenever he comes to our apartment after killing someone, there is a challenge in his gaze, awaiting my reaction—or rather rejection.

A man who has known rejection all his life is ready to accept it with dignity, but I never do. Instead, I wrap my arms around him and let him touch me with those hands that should send fear through me and make me run far, far away from him.

He never gives me details, only tells me about their disgusting deeds and how such people never change, and while logically I understand… I know it’s wrong on so many levels.

We are not meant to kill others or decide our own justice; laws are in place for a reason, and what he does still speaks about a monster residing in his soul who will never leave him.

I can try to tame him or be his friend, but we both know he has such a strong hold on Remi, helping him through dark times and pushing him forward, that they are almost one and the same.

And in such moments, I’m scared.

Scared to love a man like that in an all-consuming way, because then I am justifying his every crime. What if he loses his head and directs his anger to an innocent? Or hurts me?

I shake my head, already knowing he won’t ever hurt me. However, sometimes I wonder if I’m just delusional, believing a little love can change a man.

Can I love someone who thrives in darkness, and instead of wishing to get out of hell, he drags me there right along with him so he can have a “peaceful shore,” as he calls me?

He says I have all the freedom this world has to offer, and yet… if I dare to leave him, I think he will trap me in our house and won’t let me go out until I accept him all over again.

A choice without a choice, we might have started over on that night, but the variables didn’t change.

Falling in love with your captor even has a whole psychological term, but my heart tells me it’s not what it is.

However, soon, he will get his revenge on his grandfather, and then he won’t have a reason to stay married to a Walsh.

I will have my answer then. Because if he sees me as his woman, he will give me a true choice.

Because only a true choice can accept darkness and all the flaws in the person.

During this month, we have also formed a sort of truce with the dark four who can’t be called the most welcoming bunch, but they’ve done their best to stay polite and even, dare I say, be nice in my presence on the rare occasions Remi took us to the club. Octavius mostly stayed silent, broodingly watching us all, while Florian found ways to tease me and my husband to no end, which resulted in Remi threatening to snap his neck. Which of course only urged Florian to try to ruffle his feathers harder.

Maybe because Jimena recently got engaged to his worst enemy, who also happens to be his cousin. These two just complicate their relationship more and more with each passing day, and I feel bad for their families once it all blows up in their faces.

Not that Octavius is any better, though, considering he makes Isla’s life a living hell after she tricked him into marrying her. It doesn’t stop him from breathing fire at whoever dares to upset her or show her disrespect, but still. Their relationship is one of the weirdest I’ve ever seen.

Needless to say, the second group of the horsemen, as I call them, has a lot of issues to get through.

The only exception are Santiago and Briseis, with whom we have dinners once a week. While I’m still uncomfortable with the cruel man who apparently only has a heart for his wife—otherwise, he stays cold—I see how much he means to Remi but also, more importantly, how he values my husband. And because of that, I try to see goodness in him, in all of them really, since they are best friends.

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