Page 51 of Knockout (Whiskey Dolls 2)

On a laugh, Layla threw a pillow at my head. “Go answer the door before she lets herself in,” she whisper-yelled.

My face pulled into a sullen frown—not the best look for a grown ass man who was toeing the line of forty years old. “Fine.” I jabbed a finger at her. “But you better still be naked when I get back.”

With no other choice, I stormed out of my bedroom, making sure the door was securely shut, before stomping down the hall and through the living room. “You have gotto be joking,” I said by way of hello when I jerked the front door open. “It’s barely eight in the morning on a Sunday. Why are you even awake?”

“And good morning to you,” Gram stated casually as she let herself into my apartment like she owned the place. “Aren’t you just a ray of sunshine?”

Well Ihadbeen...until now.

“How did you get here?” I asked, crossing my arms over my chest and giving her the stink eye as she moseyed into my kitchen and started a fresh pot of coffee. “You didn’t drive, did you? I hid your keys where you shouldn’t have been able to find them.”

“Top shelf in the library, behind the first edition hardback of War and Peace.”

My mouth dropped open. “How did you—”

“Because I’m a genius,” she answered offhandedly. “I found them ages ago, and now they’re hidden somewhereyou’llnever find them.”

“Gram, I swear to God—”

She turned to face me once the coffee began to percolate, waving me off carelessly. “Relax, would you? I took an Uber, you big baby. My driver was a hoot, I’ll tell you. I gave that boy all the stars and a nice, fat tip.”

“So what brings you by at the buttcrack of dawn on my day off?” Ever the dutiful grandson, I rounded the counter—spotting Layla’s top from the night before on my way and kicking it beneath the sofa, out of sight—and moved to the cabinet where I kept my coffee mugs, pulling one down for her so she wouldn’t have to struggle to reach. In return, she gave me an affectionate pat on my cheek.

“Do I need a reason to visit my own grandson? Can’t I just pop by when I’m missing you?”

I gave her a wry look as she filled her mug. “If you were any other grandmother, I’d say yes. But I know you. You never do anything without a motive. Spill it so I can go back to bed.”

She let out a huff like dealing with me was taxing instead of the other way around. “All right, fine. Since you feel like spoiling my fun, I’ll just get to the point. I’m here to talk to you about the family reunion.”

I cut her off by slicing my hand through the air. “Nothing to talk about, I’m not going.”

Once a year the Kingsley clan got together at some luxury resort and spa up in the mountains for what they calledfamily bonding. Utter bullshit. For three days they pretended they loved each other while talking shit about everyone when their backs were turned.

The women would passive-aggressively point out who had what nipped, tucked, or sucked, who was cheating or being cheated on, all while nursing their different levels of alcoholism with thirty dollar top shelf cocktails that flowed like water. Meanwhile, whenever the men weren’t hitting on the poor, unsuspecting staff members, they were busy trying to one-up each other when it came to cars, private jets, vacation homes, or who had the best-looking mistress.

It was all nine circles of hell, only with a view, brutal torture at its finest, wrapped up in a long weekend. There was no fucking way I’d be caught dead there. I’d rather drag my nut sac through a thorny bush than deal with those bottom-feeding assholes.

“And that’s exactly what I want to talk about,” Gram continued, never one to be brushed off.

“I don’t even know why we’re talking about this,” I grunted in frustration. “Neither one of us has gone to that joke of a reunion in years. I don’t understand why you’d want to go now.”

“Call me sentimental, but I’d really like to see the looks on those soul-sucking vampires’ plastic faces when I tell them that I’ve written each and every one of them out of my will. And I wantyouto be able to watch what happens when I inform them that I’m leaving all my worldly possessions to you and you alone whenever I take that big cloud ride through the sky.”

I threw my head back on a scoff. “Gram, that’s not sentimental, that’s psychotic. Straight up. You realize that, right? And I’ve already told you, I don’t want or need anything. You can leave it all to charity for all I care.”

“Oh, I already have a nice chunk set aside for that. But the rest is going to you. Just suck it up, will you? We’re going.”

“Like hell,” I argued. “Even if I could stand a single solitary one of them, you really expect me to spend three days stuck in the same place with my ex and the cousin she left me for? Is that some kind of joke? I have every intention of living out the rest of my life without ever seeing Chandler or Leah again.”

The grin that pulled at her weathered, papery cheeks just then sent an unpleasant tickle down my back. She was up to something, and whatever it was, it was bound to be disastrous, possibly even felonious. “Ah, but you see, Joodle Bug, I’ve already thought of that. Just imagine how green with envy that earth-bound hell bitch will be when you walk into that reunion with a knockout like Layla on your arm.”

My head jerked back, my eyes widening at the insanity the woman before me had just spouted. It was clear Gram had lost her mind; maybe it really was time to put her in a home after all. I wasn’t equipped to handle the care she’d need on my own if that were the case.

I opened my mouth—to laugh or ask her if she’d gone batty, I wasn’t quite sure which—but before I could get a word in edgewise, she continued, dropping a bomb big enough to destroy the entire building. “Lucky thing I had the forethought and already reserved your room. I sent in the RSVP weeks ago for you and Layla both.” She clapped her hands merrily, and that whole plan to find a place to bury her where no one would ever find her suddenly seemed like the most brilliant idea ever.

“You’ve cracked, haven’t you? That has to be the case, because I can’t fathom any other reason why you’d think showing up to that viper pit with my neighbor was a good idea! Layla probably won’t even go for it. Christ knows we’ve told her enough horror stories about those slimy maggots!”

Gram sipped her coffee, ever the picture of calm. “If you’re not sure then just go ask her. She’s back in your room, is she not?” she asked with a dainty yet knowing arch of her brow.

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