Page 46 of Because of Liam

Chapter Twenty-Nine

We stayin that position for a long time. Me, between his legs, Liam holding me and letting go of his memories. His body relaxes into mine with each passing minute and I wonder why me? Why of all the people in his life, he chose me to talk to? Then I remember why we’re here. For a few blessed moments, Liam’s pain made me forget mine. His sharing strengthened me. I understand what he’s doing. What he’s doing for me. In confessing his darkest secret, in trusting me with this, he’s letting me know I’m not alone. He’s letting me know he’s here for me and that I can trust him too. He’s sharing his pain and in doing so, making my own pain lessen somehow.

His vulnerability and openness make it possible for me to be honest with myself. When his words break the silence, they are soft, just above a whisper, but the weight of them nearly crumbles me.

“He raped you.”

I suck in a breath and nod. Liam is not asking, he’s making an assertion.

“He drugged you and you had no idea who it was until now.”

Again, I just nod.

“Tell me what happened, River.”

I move away from his lap then, needing to put some distance between us for this. I sit with my legs crossed and face him. But Liam doesn’t let me go far. Mimicking my position, he pulls me back until our knees touch. It strikes me then that he’ll be the first person to know what happened that night. That he’ll be the first person I’ll talk to about it. Not my sister, not Becca or any of my friends. Not my mother or my father and not the police. But this man, this man who spends most of our time together teasing me and challenging me. This man with eyes that search my face and see into my soul. He knew it the moment I figured it out myself. I saw the look on his face and he knew it. Logan didn’t pick it up. Skye is utterly oblivious, but Liam realized Jon had raped me at the same time I found out myself.

I let my eyes drop to my lap and close them, allowing the few memories I have to float back in. I’ve spent the better part of a year trying to forget them. Probably not in the best way to deal with them and now I’m inviting them back in. Liam’s patient. He doesn’t push or ask again but waits for me to be ready.

“It happened about a year ago. I was at a frat party with my friend Becca. We hadn’t been there for an hour when Becca told me she was leaving for some guy she met. I drank nothing besides a soda. The guy Becca left with had a car and she gave me her keys so I could drive myself home. I thought one beer wouldn’t hurt me and I could go back to water or soda after. I wasn’t planning on staying late because I had a paper to finish. The party had been Becca’s idea. After that things get fuzzy. I remember seeing Jon outside, but I ignored him and didn’t think he had seen me. I walked to the keg and got a cup and filled it myself. It wasn’t even filled to the top. I went back to the living room and sat with some people I knew from sophomore year.”

I concentrate, trying to recall anything I might have overlooked before, now that I know it was Jon. And it comes to me. I look up with a sharp inhale of breath as a sliver of memory fights through the haze of that night.

Liam picks up on my reaction. “You remembered something right now, didn’t you?”

“Yes.”

I look at him, willing the bits and pieces to fit together. “There was this one thing that always bothered me, but it was just outside my grasp.”

“What is it? Do you remember?”

“Yes, I think I do.”

I take a deep breath. “I’m always careful with my drinks whenever I go out. I’ve never trusted anyone to get me anything. I’m not stupid. I know shit like this happens.” I laugh a humorless laugh. “I never expected it to happen to me.”

“No one does.” Liam waits for me to gather my thoughts.

“It always bugged me that I couldn’t figure how I was drugged. But now I think I know.”

I shift on the bed and roll my shoulders. Liam reaches with both hands and squeezes them, kneading the tension away. When he drops his hands after a few minutes I continue.

“My phone was buzzing and when I tried to get it out of my pocket someone bumped into me and I instinctively raised my cup hand so it wouldn’t spill on me. The person apologized, and we talked for a moment. I remember seeing Jon walking across the room. And now I realize he had been somewhere behind me. I think when that guy bumped into me, Jon put something in my drink.”

I close my eyes, letting the images flow back to me. “I remember feeling nauseous and dizzy, and going upstairs to look for a bathroom to splash cold water on my face and escape the smell of cigarettes. I remember getting to the bathroom and waking up hours later but nothing in between.”

“What happened when you woke up?”

My lips tremble and the sting of tears follows. That was the worse of my memories. “I was very confused, had no idea where I was or what had happened. I had a horrible headache, and it felt like I was drunk and had a hangover at the same time.” My eyes drop to my lap. This was the hardest part, what happened after I got my bearings, what I realized then. “I was lying inside a bathtub and someone had thrown a towel over me. The shower curtain was closed, and the light was on.” I squeeze my eyes shut and take three deep breaths. When I look up at Liam, I can feel the tension radiating from him, but he says nothing. He waits for me to be ready to speak again and I’m grateful for that. “I noticed I was missing one of my sandals. And that”—I choke on the next words—“that my underwear was caught around my right ankle. Then the pain hit me. And when I looked down at myself, the skirt of my dress was hiked up around my waist and there was blood smeared on my thighs.”

“Jesus! He hurt you so bad he made you bleed?”

I look him in the eyes. “I was a virgin, Liam.” I can see the surprise on his face.

“Everyone thinks I was hooking up left and right and I did have my share of boyfriends and dating. But after seeing what Skye went through with her high school boyfriend, I decided I’d have all the fun I could and still keep my V-card until I was one hundred percent sure the guy I was with would not dump me a week later and then tell stories about me.” I smile a fake smile and he knows it.

“I guess it’s a moot point now. He took that away from me, too.”

“I’m so sorry, River. No one should have to go through anything like this and knowing he took that away from you. . .”

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