Page 51 of Because of Liam

Chapter Thirty-Two

When Loganand I are finally alone at home, I know I can’t put it off any longer. Logan won’t let me get away with not saying anything.

He locks the door behind us and drops his keys on the table. Then turns to me as he toes his shoes off. He’s waiting, his eyes trying to read me and hear what I’m not saying. He’s in full cop mode now.

I run my fingers through my too long hair. I’ll need to cut it soon.

He walks to the living room, sits, and waits for me. I exhale and sit across from him.

Logan waits. He doesn’t say a word. Again, cop tactics. If you wait long enough, the other person eventually speaks to avoid the uncomfortable silence. I’m not uncomfortable about the silence. What bothers me is the fact I have to share a secret River kept for an entire year even if she did give me permission to talk to Logan. I imagine she’s talking to Skye now or will talk to her soon. Shame and pride kept her silent long enough. Some people may never understand that kind of silence. That kind of denial, but I do. One would think a victim of such a horrible thing would want to run to the police and demand their attacker be arrested. But I know different. Even with proof and witnesses, such crimes are hard to prove and all too often fall into the hands of overpaid lawyers or dismissive judges. It’s not a question of who’s the criminal and who’s the victim but a question of who has the best lawyer or the most power behind them. It sickens me and my first instinct is to say, ‘fuck the law’ and take it into my own hands. I’d love to put my hands around that asshole’s neck and watch his eyes dull and roll over as I squeezed the life out of him. After I beat the shit out of him first. But River read my intent all too well and made me promise I wouldn’t do such a stupid thing. Killing him or even hurting him is not worth me going to jail, and Karma will take care of him one way or another. Well, fuck if I don’t want to change my name to Karma.

I look down at my hands and realize I’ve been fisting one hand into the other and cracking my knuckles. My hands itch to cause damage, to break bones. I can barely contain myself. I feel like a caged animal and my own memories come back. I gave River the cliff notes version of it, but there was so much more. Yeah, the five bastards who attacked me beat me pretty good even if they were careful not to leave any marks on my face, but they never finished the job they had intended on. The beating was just to let me know they could, that they had overpowered me. They were trying to break me down. My body first, then my spirit. Hannah saved me. She saved me that day, and she continued to save me every day after. Somehow, she got all five of them transferred far away from me. By the end of the week they were gone to separate places. I never heard of them again, so maybe Karma took care of them too. Hannah was more than a friend and a mentor. She was the one spot of light in the darkness that fell over me for months afterward.

Had they’d been successful on their intent, I don’t know what I would have done, but I’m pretty sure I would not be here right now. I think—I think I would have killed myself. I would not be able to live with myself if their intent had come to completion. Half of me can’t imagine what River is going through and the other half has a very good idea. I think River having no memory of it might be a blessing. God knows I’d love to be able to forget what happened to me and what almost happened. I’ll never forgive them and I’ll never forget it. Be it in nightmares or flashback, or just random memories hopping into my head, it’s always there.

Except when I’m around River. I never think of that day when she’s present. I never think about the day Hannah died either. At first, I didn’t realize, but after a few chance encounters, it dawned on me that whenever she’s near, the random haunting thoughts in my mind take a back seat to her. It made me angry and grateful. Angry I forgot the sacrifice Hannah made for me. She saved my life again, one last time at the cost of her own. I don’t want to forget that, not for a day, not for an hour, not for a second. I owe Hannah more than my life. I owe her my sanity. I owe her all the days ahead. Days she will not have. Days her husband and daughter will go through without her. And then I feel gratitude because for those few moments of whatever the hell we have between us—be it a joke, an argument or a lot of teasing and sexual frustration—for those moments, I forget. For those moments, none of the past happened, and I’m just a twenty-three-year-old guy who’s acting like a high school kid being a jerk to the girl he’s attracted to. And I’m attracted to River. There’s no denying it. All sexual innuendos and not-so-subtle sex jokes aside, from that very first day when she dumped her fruity drink on me, I’ve felt drawn to her. I may have been pissed as hell that spring morning, but my dick was ecstatic. Which pissed me off even more.

I look back at Logan, silently watching me still. Studying all the emotions crossing my face.

I let a heavy breath out, moving my head from one side to the other, trying to shake off the tension of the last few hours, and then I speak.

“She didn’t sleep with Jon. But he did see the beauty mark on her body.”

Logan narrows his eyes at me, trying to hear what I haven’t said and a second later he gets it.

“He raped her.” It was not a question. “But she never reported it. Why?”

“She didn’t know it was him until Skye asked her about it. The beauty mark comment gave it away.”

“She was drugged?” he asks me, but he already knows the answer.

“Yes. She doesn’t remember anything other than taking a few sips of a drink and waking up in a bathroom several hours later.”

His eyes drift from mine. “Jesus! I’ve seen this happen so many times, but you never think it can happen to someone you know. Does she want to press charges now?”

“She said yes, but I don’t think she’s sure. And I’m not sure he’ll be served justice either. It’s been a year, and all we have is her word against his.”

“Yeah, but guys like him, they very rarely do it just once. There has to be other victims. This may be happening to other girls even now.”

He looks at me then and sees the intent in my eyes.

“No!” His voice is firm, and it leaves no doubt he’ll fight me on this. Logan has had my back my whole life and I his, but we’re not in agreement on this one.

“No, you can’t do it, Liam. As much as you want to go after this guy and fix this yourself, you can’t.”

“Why not?” I ask in defiance.

“You know why. You can’t be a vigilante. You can’t take matters in your own hands and go beat the shit out of him. He’d come back and send your ass to jail for assault.”

“Who said I’d let him come back? Scum like him does not deserve to breathe.”

“So, you’d turn into a murderer?”

“Not a murderer. I’d just give Karma a little hand. Make things move along a little faster.”

“Yeah? And what about when Karma comes after you to fix your wrongdoing?”

I shrug.

“We’ll get this guy, I promise you. But let’s be smart about it. He has probably done this more than once. Some of the girls might remember something. We can watch him. We can prevent him from doing it again. We can go after him, but we’ll only catch him if we’re smart about it.”

He takes a deep breath. “Promise me, Liam, promise you’re not going to go off on your own and do something stupid.”

I meet his eyes. “I’ve already promised River I wouldn’t.”

“That’s good enough for me.”

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