Page 47 of Alone

“Give me five minutes and I’ll be ready,” I say.

“It’ll take Megan at least an hour,” Leeah says. “So you have time. We were just hoping to have a cake picked out and ready to go before she came out of her room.”

“Less for her to have to worry about today,” Amanda adds.

I nod slowly. The tone of their voices has me a little bit on edge. Like Aiden is some kind of drug dealer or something and we need to be cautious around Megan so we don’t upset her.

I’m getting the same feeling I had when I first woke up in this bedroom of mine.

Completely confused and sensing that I’m missing a big piece of the puzzle.

“Just let me get shoes on. We’ll get the cake and then I can get ready when we get home,” I say. “Five minutes.”

Leeah and Amanda nod and I race around my bedroom trying to find something decent enough to buy a kid’s birthday cake in. I toss three or four rhinestone garters out of my way as I rummage through shirts and underwear.

“Finally,” I say, grabbing a t-shirt and ripped jeans. I’m still tugging a leg through my jeans when I stumble out the bedroom door toward Leeah and Amanda. “Let’s go.”

“Man, this store is busy,” Leeah says as we come around the corner into the bakery section.

“That’s because we’re never at the store at this hour,” I say, laughing. “You’d be surprised what the grocery store looks like during regular people's times.”

“Yeah, yeah,” Leeah groans.

Amanda is scanning the cakes and arguing with Leeah over which one Aiden would like better.

“But my mouth will turn black if we get the Batman cake,” Leeah whines.

“Oh, I’m sorry,” Amanda says, tapping her mouth in mock contemplation. “I forgot this wasyourparty and notAiden’sparty. You’re right. We better get the cake you want instead.”

Leeah grunts and throws her head back. “Fffiiiine,” she growls. “Make me feel bad about it.”

“I will,” Amanda says, smiling as she puts the Batman cake into the cart.

“I’ll go grab ice cream,” I say. “You two go get paper plates and napkins to match the cake that isn’t for Leeah.”

Leeah gives me the middle finger as Amanda drags her toward the party aisle to pick out the necessities.

As I stand in the middle of the aisle, I realize I’m standing in the store that I worked in part-time in my past life. It actually feels good to stand here and not be responsible for stocking shelves or bagging groceries. It also kind of feels good to not be in this aisle because I’m spending hundreds of dollars on food that my husband won’t be around to eat with the rest of the family.

I feel a ping in my gut when I think about my kids. I do miss them.

A lot actually.

But that life is gone and I need to focus on what’s right in front of me. And that would be peanut butter cup ice cream.

“Come to mama,” I say as I open the freezer and take out a carton of vanilla and a carton of chocolate. “No peanut butter cup,” I say to myself. “This is for Aiden. Not you.”

I tuck the freezing cold plastic containers under my arms and turn to go find Leeah and Amanda when I whip back toward the freezer and pull out a tub of peanut butter cup.

“I work for my money and I’ll buy whatever I damn well please,” I say, feeling satisfied with myself as I walk out of the ice cream aisle and head for the party aisle.

“No,” I hear a male voice say as I’m closing in on the party aisle. “You can’t have blue plates for a Batman themed party.”

His voice cripples my insides as I realize who is standing in the aisle with Amanda and Leeah.

I almost drop the tubs of ice cream as I pull a James Bond stunt and press my back to the end cap so they can’t see me as I listen.

“Sure we can,” Amanda says in her lawyer voice. “You can have just about any color plates for a Batman party.”

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