Page 85 of Damn Roommate

“Wanna bet?” says Leo. “I have a good feeling about tonight. You don’t stand a chance, Jones, I’m going to steal all your targets.”

This remark hurts, even more knowing that Leo knows the feelings I have for Nolan. Deep down, I’m sure he’s just trying to show me that I have no chance of having feelings for each other. Except that he doesn’t know everything that has changed since then, everything we’ve said to each other and what we did. Because it’s a secret. Nolan chuckles and I can’t stop my gaze from sliding over him, our eyes lock and he smiles at me.

Is he trying to reassure me?

Is this his way of telling me that I have nothing to worryabout?

Does he understand that I am afraid?

He doesn’t say anything, just stares at me for a few seconds before turning his attention back to his buddies.

“Let’s go?”

“Can’t wait to find you a girl, Jones? I know one who won’t come home tonight,” says my brother, laughing.

I turn my back on them, pretending that their jokes don’t interest me, while focusing on my book again. The voices become distant, and I breathe out all the air in my lungs. My hands pressed against the counter, I can’t read a line of what I have in front of me, my brain too focused on the last conversation, on the torture of seeing how heavy a secret is to carry, to endure, to keep. I wanted to yell at the guys to shut up, to stop putting Nolan in the arms of the first girl because I’m here. I wanted to scream that I too want to havethis,with him, for real, and that I don’t want him to look elsewhere because I’m his.

I’ve always been his.

I can’t. I have no right to forbid him other women, because even if we agreed to try, he never promised me the moon. I know he can leave as quickly as he came, and that prospect squeezes my heart even more. I jump when a warm body presses against my back and two hands join mine on the counter. A mouth presses into my neck and a cloud of butterflies flutter in my stomach when a sweet voice whispers in my ear, “I’m sleeping withyoutonight, wait for me.”

Then he disappears as quickly as he came back, and I hear the front door slam. I can’t hold back my smile anymore and the tension in my chest disappears.

He is with me.

***

I stretch out in my chair and roll it across the hardwood floor, bumping into the rug on the floor. All my muscles are sore, and I blink several times to try to moisten my pupils. I yawn, quickly scanning my phone screen, which already says eleven o’clock. I finished later than expected. I open the few pending texts from the girls, ignoring the panic that overwhelms me that I still haven’t told themanything. I postponed the moment each time I had a chance to talk about it, because I’ve been dreading it. I’m dreading to say it out loud, that it would all eventually go away, or they judge what I got myself into.

A secret relationship.

A lie.

I know that this relationship is going to involve pain at some point, and as I know them, they will tell me if I have done something wrong. I’m afraid. Afraid that they’ll tell me that I made a mistake. That I followed my desire instead of my reason.

I love Nolan, I have for years.

My brother loves him and considers him as a member of our family.

He’s his best friend.

We weren’t supposed to get this close.

And one day or another, I know deep down inside that it will end badly.

I jump when I hear the front door slam and rush out into the hallway. A dark figure materializes before my eyes, stopping in its tracks. With a playful grin, arms crossed against his chest and hair in mess, Nolan watches me.

“I see that people are working hard around here.”

“I see that theepicnight has already come to an end.”

“I came home early.”

I raise an eyebrow as I see him approach slowly.

“Was it that bad?”

“I wanted to see someone.”

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