Page 70 of Purity

“No, I’m fine,” I say, though my voice is as husky as when I have a cold.

“No, you’re not.” She scans my face. “Have you been crying?” Her eyes widen as if a thought occurs to her. “Are you upset about the divorce?”

“No, it has nothing to do with that. Everything’s fine. I’m just tired, but I did…”

God, I can’t believe I have to tell her I did the exact same thing her piece of shit husband did a few days ago.

“I broke a window in the guesthouse.”

Her head jerks back. “What happened?”

I sigh heavily, shutting my eyes. “It was an accident, but I cleaned everything up. I’m going to get it replaced as soon as I can, and when I get my first paycheck, I’ll get that whole place deep cleaned for you.”

She stares at me for a long moment. “Why do I think it wasn’t an accident? Tell me what’s going on.”

“I don’t want to unload on you, not with everything you’re going through with Dad.”

“You’ll be doing me a favor by unloading on me. If you don’t, I’ll worry.”

In the end, I tell her the story because I’m too exhausted to argue with her. With each detail I share, the tension leaves my shoulders, and based on her concerned but placid expression, my mom is isn’t disturbed by any of it.

“I wasn’t in a rage when I threw the ball,” I say when I’m finished. “I was honestly just… I don’t know… I hardly even remember throwing it.”

“You were in shock.”

“I guess so.”

She nods slowly, her brow furrowed.

“What are you thinking?” I ask.

“I’m just surprised you didn’t want to be in a relationship with her. Whenever you used to say you don’t do relationships, I always thought it was because you couldn’t be with her. Because her religion is so strict.”

I huff, shaking my head. “I’m a fucking idiot, Mom. I guess she just took me by surprise, and I freaked out. It’s so stupid. Now I have nothing.”

Her expression grows stern. “You need to talk to her.”

“She’s been gone three hours, and I’ve already called her twenty times.” I laugh humorlessly. “I think she turned off her phone, because it’s going straight to voice mail now.”

“Well, you’d better find a way to see her whenever she’s ready. You can’t let it go and hope that she comes around. This needs to be dealt with now, unless you want to lose her for good.”

The sound pulled from my chest is something between a groan and a cry. If I can’t get her back, I’ll be forced to live in this dark and desolate world forever.

My stomach jolts when a thought occurs to me. “She left a few of her things at the house. Would it seem manipulative if I brought them to her and asked to talk to her?”

She stares at me for a moment. “Maybe wait a week or so. Give her a little bit of space first.”

I nod frantically, even though I have no intention of waiting even close to a week. I don’t think I’m physically capable of it.

I’ll wait until tomorrow. Any longer, and I’ll lose my mind.

Livvy

I scrub the sponge against the glass plate so hard that it slips out of my hand. I catch it just before it hits the bottom of the sink.

Goodness, I need an outlet for all of this nervous energy. I wish I liked running.

“Livvy.” My sister raises her voice over the faucet water.

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