Page 7 of Imbalanced Minds

He doesn’t listen to what I say and goes to reach around me for the door. I can’t let him leave like this, but I also don’t want to be led on. If he truly wants to be with me, surely he’ll stay and fight for this. Fight for something I’ve been fighting for since college.

My voice is quiet when I speak again, just as he’s walking through the door and leaves me with a broken heart, I plead one last time.

“Please.”

The door echoes in the entranceway as it clicks closed. He didn’t even turn his head to look back.

I slide down the wall, confused and so hurt. I can’t believe I had him in my grasp then at the flick of a switch he was gone.

He just walked away.

I’m such a fool. Absolutely humiliated by the fact that I let him in so easily. I’m the damn fool who wanted him, not the other way around. He probably only saw an opportunity to get a piece of arse. What the hell was he thinking? What the hell was I thinking? Why did I think anything good could come out of wanting him? He’s made it clear for as long as I can remember that he’s not interested; friends were all he ever offered me in return.

I wish I could take it all back. Take back all the effort I put into my appearance and advances, especially for him.

I swore to myself I’d never make such an effort for a guy again, yet here I am. Trying too hard to impress someone for the wrong reasons. I’ve not come this far to fall into bad habits.

Who am I kidding? I’m pathetic.

Tyrell was right about so many things. I still hear his voice in my head. Until I can get him out, I don’t see any point in having a happy future with anyone.

Wiping the tears from my face, I get up and hunt the cupboards for something strong to drink. If I’m going to drown my sorrows from his rejection I may as well do it properly. With hard liquor.

Each cupboard door I open gets slammed closed even harder than the last as they come up empty. This causes more upset and now added frustration. I can’t help the full-body roar of anger mixed with pain that’s escaping me as I’m once again hurt and alone.

In the midst of my rage, I sweep the kitchen island clear of all its contents; bills, keys, the fruit bowl, you name it – it’s laying on the floor scattered or broken. But even that doesn’t make me feel any better.

At this point I don’t recognise myself; the ugly sound coming from my mouth, one of heartache because no matter what I tell myself, I care for Cory deeply. And after that kiss, I not only crave him but I burn for him.

I somehow find some strength and make it to my room. Once on my bed, I shield myself in the comfort of my mink blanket then let every thought roll to the surface; all those horrible and ugly judgements I’ve been holding at bay now free.

Lying in the dark, head spinning from both the alcohol I’ve consumed through the night and the complete mind fuck from Cory, I close my eyes and hope I’ll pass out so I can forget this shit-tastic night.

I welcome the darkness as my eyelids drift closed.

It’s just me, my dreams and those stormy grey eyes that I can’t seem to escape.

“Please,” I beg to the open room before sleep consumes me.

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