Page 100 of Duke, Actually

“Actually, I have to tell you something.” He filled Seb in on how he’d refused to help Mother round up Father at the wedding and about how it had felt like a decisive shift in how he related to them. “Of course, I have no idea how things are going to be when I get home. They’ll probably try to pretend that nothing is different. As far as Father is concerned, therewon’tbe anything different. It won’t be as if Mother will have said, ‘Maximillian refused to assist me with wrangling you in your embarrassingly inebriated state.’”

“And you want him to know,” Seb said.

“Yes. I realize that it probably sounds hollow, given all the other times that I’ve behaved in ways that have displeased them, but—”

“This time it’s different,” Seb said vehemently, finishing the sentence the way Max had been planning to. “You’re done playing by their rules.”

“Indeed. But I don’t know how to make them see that.”

“We’ll cross that bridge when we come to it.”

Thewein that sentence felt like a tonic.

“Anyway,” Seb said with a chuckle, “I’ll come out when I get home. They’ll lose their minds, then your not behaving the way they want won’t seem so bad.”

Seb was in jest, but it was another example of how much the tables had turned. Regardless, Max didn’t want to lose track of the fact that his brother was planning to do something momentous. “I wonder if the world has changed enough that they won’t care that you’re gay.”

“I’ve wondered that, too. But it doesn’t really matter because theywillcare that it’s Torkel who’s my... person. They’ll see him as a servant.”

“It is veryUpstairs, Downstairsof you.” Max couldn’t help but find his brother’s use of the phrasemy personadorable.

“Joking aside,” Seb said, “I think all you can do is try to keep the truth in front of you. Try not to hide it or hide from it. That’s what I’m attempting to do.”

Hmm. That was both well put and profound in its simplicity. “How’d you get so smart?”

“This is the part where I’m tempted to make a crack about how I went to a vastly superior school while you stayed home and worked with a tutor, but I think this isactuallythe part where I tell you that I know why you did that.”

Max made a dismissive noise.

Seb wasn’t having it. “I know. I know why you stayed home. What Ihaven’tknown is how to say thank you. But it’s overdue. So thank you.”

Max’s instinct was to deflect, to minimize, but he thought about what Seb had said about trying not to hide the truth or to hide from the truth, so as uncomfortable as it was, he said, “You’re welcome.”

Seb cleared his throat. Perhaps he was discomfited by the uncharacteristically honest exchange, too. “I haven’t given you the advice you wanted as it relates to Dani.”

“It’s all right.” There wasn’t a solution, really. There wasn’t aproblem, even, except that now that he’d acknowledged how utterly, wildly in love with her he was, it was hard not to have that be front of mind at all times.

“All I can say,” Seb said, “is if I were you, I would do whatever I could to hold on to her.”

Max didn’t fall back asleep. He was consumed with thoughts of his brother. He had learned, these past months, that Seb didn’t need his protection anymore. That he was more strategic, and braver, than Max had given him credit for.

Max thought about his desire, his need, to signal somehow to his parents that he was going to live life on his own terms. He glanced at Dani, asleep next to him under the duvet. An idea was taking shape in his head. Perhaps there was a way he could get a version of what he wanted. A facsimile. It would be better than nothing. He would have to tread carefully, though. When the sun started to filter through the cracks in the curtains, Dani woke up and smiled at him. He smiled back and said, “What if we got married?”

“Ha-ha. Good morning to you, too.” She was on her back, and she reached her hands over her head and stretched in such a way that her head turned away from him.

“I am entirely in earnest.”

“All right,” she said, still stretching, still not looking at him. “I’ll marry you, but I have conditions.” She rolled back over, her eyes twinkling. She pulled her hands together under her chin in a way that made his heart twist. “I want everyone to address me at all times as Baroness Daniela von Martinez. Hmm. What else? Oh! I want Max Minimus to get a gold-plated collar. No, wait. Solid gold.” She laughed but cut it off quickly and turned genuinely contemplative. “But would a solid gold collar even work? Wouldit be flexible? I’ll have to get back to you on that one.” She shook her head, and the twinkle returned. “But certainly he can have a solid gold tag. Ha! I demand a solid gold dog tag! Okay, what else? I’m sure I can do better than this with my list of conditions. Give me a sec.”

“You can have all those things. Marry me, and you can have whatever you want.”

Her smile faded, replaced by a confused scrunch of her brow. “Oh, come on, Max. I was kidding.”

“I know you were, but I’m not.” He grabbed her hand and laced his fingers through hers. “Think about it. You’re tired of your job. I’m tired of toeing the line with my parents. I...”I love you.But he couldn’t say that. It was too soon—for her, not for him. She herself had said that the fastest way to get her to run for the hills was with a declaration of love. “Everyone would benefit. It wouldn’t be that different from what Marie and I had planned on, except...” He waved his free hand between them, not knowing how to sayExcept we get to have mind-blowing sex.

And I will secretly love you.

She took her hand back. She looked aghast. He was spooking her, which was fair enough. He tried to get them back into a joking mode. “There are family jewels, if you want them.”

---