Page 41 of Twelve Drummers Drumming

“You love me? How is that possible?” The rational, more cynical part of her shouted loudly in her mind that they had only known each other a few weeks.

And yet…

Yet was that not typical for many who met their spouses in the Season? A recommendation from a mutual acquaintance, a few dances, a dinner with each other’s parents…and that was it.

A marriage betrothal could occur.

Had she and Hugh not shared far more than that?More, Jemima thought with a flush,than some wedded couples shared?

Their hopes, their passions, their debates. Their moment on the balcony.

Was that not more than some wives ever gained?

No, this was ridiculous, Jemima tried to tell herself. In love, with Hugh Rotherham, a man she did not know existed two months ago?

The more emotional side of her, a side she rarely allowed to take control but was always whispering in the background murmured:and?

An hour’s acquaintance was enough for her to decide against many of the young men thrown in her path. Why then were several weeks not sufficient for her to decide in favor of Captain Hugh Rotherham?

It took her several swallows to remove the dryness from her mouth, before she was ready to speak again, and it was with difficulty. “You…”

Hugh was not waiting for her to speak; he had already pushed himself up to his feet, retrieved his crutch, and looked at her with sad eyes.

“You really believe you can just walk away, without a look back at me?”

Hugh was already walking toward the exit for the park, toward his lodgings, but Jemima was easily able to keep up with him. Pushing herself to her feet, she reached his side within a moment, fighting the urge to take his hand in hers.

If only she could make him see…

“You honestly think leaving me here soaking wet in the park is an option for you?” Jemima spluttered. “You say you love me, yet in the same breath proclaim you have no wish to marry me?”

“Jemima, what can I offer you?” Hugh said sadly, not looking at her as they left the park and started down the street. “I have no prospects, and we are at war! When it is over, I will have no occupation to protect you and keep you happy in the situation you are currently accustomed to.”

“But—” Jemima was unsure what she was going to say, but she was interrupted before she could think.

“What of your ideals?” Hugh spoke roughly, and some of his words were drowned out as they stepped inside a building, which Jemima assumed was his billets. She did not think. She merely followed him, unwilling to allow this conversation to end. “Change the way you are, that is the last thing that I would want!”

With a sudden lurch, Jemima realized they were climbing the stairs that would lead straight to his—to Captain Hugh Rotherham’s rooms. And they were empty.

Door flung wide open, Hugh strode forth as best he could, and Jemima hurriedly closed the door behind her. The last thing she wanted when Captain Hugh Rotherham ended their acquaintance forever was for spectators to listen in.

“Your thoughts and opinions make you who you are,” Hugh was saying, “and that is the woman I fell in love with! Changing you would be akin to murdering the old Jemima to allow a new Jemima, one that I do not know, to be born instead!”

“That is the biggest pile of nonsense I have ever heard in my life! Do you really think so little of me that you believe me unchanging, unwilling to ever grow, to learn, to change my mind?”

Hugh paused from his uncomfortable pacing to stare at Jemima. “Change—change your mind?”

“I do not say I have completely changed every opinion,” she said quickly. “I cannot pretend to love war, and I still think we do almost nothing for our veterans who return home—but knowing you, appreciating exactly what it is like to go off to war, with friends as close as brothers by your side, to do what must be done…do you think that I am of marble, that I would not be moved by such knowledge?”

“So you are willing, are you, to become a soldier’s wife?” shot back Hugh. “To become a soldier’s widow? Because we’re going back to France, Jemima, I received the news today, and, by God, do you think I could leave you here if you were my wife?”

“Wife?”

Jemima stared almost unblinking as the word echoed between them.

Wife. Hugh’s wife.

Hugh almost looked amazed that he had said it. As though it had been teasing around the edges of his mind but had not expected it to slip out.

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