Page 22 of Bitter Lies

Walking down the path, I glance around warily but keep going. I need to clear my head. I need something because my skin is crawling, and my throat hurts. I woke from a horrible dream, and it lingers over me like a dark cloud.

My team of counselors in the hospital, in their infinite wisdom, encouraged me to use exercise as a way to process shit, and I’m giving it my best shot, but I fucking hate it. I never much enjoyed exercising beyond swimming before, so this isn’t exactly a treat.

Slumping down on a bench near the edge of campus, I watch absently as students wander by, laughing with their friends, sipping on drinks, carousing around as people their age, my age, should.

Ignoring the pulse of jealousy, I turn my gaze away because I know that could be me, but I can’t push back the darkness. It lingers at the corners of my vision, pushing and pulling me between its cruel grasp, and just when I think I’ve caught the light, it fades away as the darkness rushes in once more.

Not to mention the slight pull of panic that lives inside of me every time I leave the sanctuary of my room.

“Hey.”

Startled, I glance up and find Miranda standing over me with a smile.

“Hey,” I say warily. I haven’t spoken to her since Griff shared with the entirety of her sorority that I tried to kill myself over a guy. I mean, how do you overcome that?

“You want to go get a coffee?”

Looking her over, I can’t help but ask, “Why?”

Cocking her head to the side, she laughs. “Why not?”

Since I was just lamenting the fact that I’m not normal, I give in and follow her along the path to the small coffee shop in the student union, weaving through students as the freshly ground smell of coffee hits my nose. I’m not much of a coffee drinker, but I do enjoy the aromas.

“So, how’s everything? I haven’t seen Griffin in a few days,” Miranda starts as we grab our drinks and sit down at a small bistro table overlooking the quad under a beautiful old tree that blocks the worst of the blazing sun.

Aha. So, this is about Griffin. I should have known.

“He’s fine,” I say sourly.

“Oh, okay. Is there, um, something going on between you two?”

“Huh? No,” I mutter, looking away with a flush. Fuck me. How awkward. Can she sense my not-so-hidden feelings? Am I that fucking obvious?

“Look, it’s clear you like him. I don’t want to step on your toes…” Her mouth curves in a pretty smile, but I see the curiosity behind her eyes.

Okay, that confirms that. Shit.

Glancing at her out of the corner of my eye, I see only sincerity on her face, but it’s really fucking awkward to be confronted about my wretched feelings by someone that Griffin stuck his dick inside.

Into the awkward silence, she flushes and looks away. “I’m sorry. Maybe I shouldn’t have said anything.”

“Look, I’ve known Griffin since we were twelve. He’s like family to me,” I say carefully.

“Is that why he’s so protective of you?” she asks dryly.

“Protective, ha!” I can’t help my amused laugh, but it sounds more bitter than happy.

“Halsey, surely you can see how he is around you?”

“You mean being a jerk? Yeah, I noticed.”

“No, but it’s like he’s always aware when you’re around. Although he does act particularly cruel with you. Which is weird because he’s such a sweetheart,” she muses.

And my traitorous fucking heart clenches in my chest. Is he a sweetheart? I wouldn’t fucking know.

“Anyway, I guess I sensed something between you, and I…like him, but I don’t want to waste my time with someone who’s caught up in another girl.”

For half a second, I consider lying just to ensure I won’t have to endure watching them together, but unfortunately for her, there are plenty of Miranda’s out there. Based on Griffin’s whore behavior, I’m guessing that she’s not long for this relationship anyway.

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