Page 56 of Bitter Lies

Mandy was my only friend until she betrayed me by fucking Griff, and after, well, I couldn’t look her in the eye without seeing his face.

“Hm, I heard she’s gained fifty pounds and is fucking our old gym teacher now.” It’s speculation and I know I’m being spiteful, but it’s my last damn refuge and I cling to it with nowhere else to turn.

“Jealous?”

“Oh, Griffin,” I sigh, “What’s there to be jealous of? Apparently, I was fucking douches like Bobby Moore, remember?”

The victory is hollow when he clenches the wheel, his knuckles white and I hide a grim smile. “Another lie?”

“Perhaps.” I shrug, leaving him to figure out which part was the truth, and I hope it eats at him the same way visions of him with Mandy do me. Fucker.

The party is still going strong when we arrive, and to my displeasure, I find Jason standing in the front yard with my brother. He’s like a fucking cockroach, and there’s not enough pesticide to make him go the fuck away.

They both look up as we pull in, stepping away from each other, and suspiciously, I stare at Max as he looks between Griffin and me with a stern expression. What were they doing?

Griffin stares through the windshield at Max for a minute before sighing, and not for the first time, I wonder what is going on with them because they used to be inseparable, and now the tension only seems to grow with each passing day.

“What’s wrong?” I ask, but Griffin only chuffs and says, “Don’t worry about it. I think you’ve got enough on your mind, don’t you?”

“Really?” This fucker just doesn’t know when to quit.

“Yes, Halsey, go take another fucking blue pill and pretend you’re the victim,” he says harshly.

My jaw drops to my knees, and I exit the vehicle on trembling limbs, heading straight for my room and collapsing on the bed, where I relive every cruel word Griffin has ever uttered until I pass into a fitful sleep, visions of his disgust dancing before my eyes.

∞∞∞

On Monday morning, I tiptoe out the door and head across campus to my counseling appointment. Yesterday was spent avoiding both the boys because, at this point, they’re both on my shit list.

Griffin iced me out so thoroughly I felt cold in his wake, and Max gave me mercurial glares whenever possible. A warning, I suppose.

I don’t know what to do about Max’s new drug habit, and I wonder just how long he’s been doing it and if Griffin knows. I don’t even know how bad it is, but the spiteful part of me thinks we should hold an intervention to see how he fucking feels about being grilled by our parents and Griffin, but more importantly, I’m worried.

This isn’t Max, or at least it wasn’t. What happened to my sweet brother? Where did it all go wrong? I don’t know, and I’m sad in the face of this because no matter what I do, I’m damned.

And my heart hurts for him because I know only too well that drowning your hurt in anything becomes an addiction that’s hard to pull free from.

Maybe I’m not popping pills to blur it all out, but I crave the oblivion that sleep gives me, and with each passing day without the sweet nothingness, I want it more.

If Max isn’t careful, he’s going to be in the same fucking boat, and it’s a small fucking floatie slowly losing air.

We’re also keeping the secret from Griffin, which gives me a small thrill, because for once, I’m allowed behind the curtain usually reserved for them, but it’s a hollow victory because this is seriously fucked-up shit.

“Hello, Halsey, how’s the last week been?” Dr. Marks asks.

Glancing up, I smile feebly as I follow him into the room. Let’s see, I found my brother with cocaine, to which he threatened me and then argued with my dick crush again after he stalked me to a party and suggested anal sex.

“Um, fine,” I mutter.

“Hm, any feelings of sadness? Not eating?”

“No, not really. I did get angry, though,” I admit.

“Okay, good. Do you want to tell me about it?”

His kind eyes are assessing and I look away under the expectation. “I ran into someone I wasn’t expecting to see, ever again.”

I’ve been holding on to this for a while, but now I feel the worry pushing at my chest, forcing me to reveal more of myself than I’m willing to give.

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