Page 70 of Bitter Lies

Well, fuck him because if he doesn’t want me, then I’ll give myself to someone who does.

A while later, I’m sitting on the couch beside Jason as he strokes my thigh. I can’t feel my lips, and if I move, I’m pretty sure I might vomit, but I ignore it all, hoping for even the slightest tingle from Jason’s touch.

Griffin passes by, his gorgeous hazel eyes drilling into mine before dropping to Jason’s hand on the exposed skin of my thigh, and with a brutal smirk, he raises a brow and shakes his head before walking away.

Everything is a blur after that. I think I took more shots, but I don’t know.

When I open my eyes, I’m in the trees, the stars, the gorgeous stars I made a wish upon in a different life shining above me. My back prickles from a thousand tiny needles poking my skin, and Jason is above me as pain rips apart my insides. Breathless, I open my mouth to ask him for help until I realize it’s him.

He’s the one tearing me apart as he heaves over me with a greedy snarl on his face. Glancing around, I spy, to my shame, his friends standing in a circle around us, and only then do their comments penetrate.

“Yeah, man, fuck her good.”

“I bet she’s got a sweet snatch.”

“Hurry up. I want my turn.”

Turning back to Jason, I groan, “No.”

But he ignores me, and licking my lips, I repeat it, louder. “Stop.”

Jason glances at my face, but he doesn’t see me, and with a grimace, he surges inside of me even more brutally.

“Stop,” I cry out, and Will drops to his knees, covering my mouth, the salty tang of his sweat bitter on my tongue.

“Sh, baby, don’t be a little bitch. You were begging for it earlier.”

Was I? I don’t remember. I don’t remember a goddamn thing.

The horror lasts for what seems like an eternity, and finally, he’s done, pulling from me, but it’s not over, and mindlessly I stare at the sky, crying silently as each of them takes turns, one after the other.

Afterward, I lie on the ground, unable to move for the pain ricocheting through my body heavily as Jason’s parting words play on repeat in my head.

What? You’re going to pretend you didn’t like it?

Only when I hear a twig snap nearby do I force myself to stir, pulling my skirt down, as I slowly move to my hands and knees, panting with the effort.

My fingers curl into the dirt and leaves as I choke out a sob and raise my head to the constellations shining so bright above me, spying a shooting star blazing across the sky. But the stars no longer bring me comfort, and I drop my gaze back to the cold hard earth, blinking when I see the glint of yellow stones in the moonlight.

I pick up the necklace with trembling fingers and stare, noting absently that the clasp is now broken, before shoving it in my pocket with a whimper. My only tether to the boy I love is broken, and I can’t help but see that I will never have that connection again.

Slowly, painfully, I right myself and approach the house, leaning against the side and breathing deep before glancing back into the trees.

Like a lost child, a tiny voice whispers in my ear—did I ask for this? Did I beg five burly football players to fuck me?

Be careful what you wish for.

Chapter Twenty

Some things you can’t unsee.

Draggingmy feet to class, I breathe deep, but I can’t see the beauty before me. I can’t feel the air in my lungs. I’m walking through quicksand, and it’s pulling me under.

Wearily I sit down at my desk, staring into nothing, and I’m so out of it, I don’t so much as twitch when Griffin sits down next to me.

I can’t see past the shame coating my skin because I did this. I got drunk and vowed revenge, and for what? A boy who never cared. I followed those guys into the trees and lost my innocence and my sanity.

This is on me, and nothing I do is going to erase it. Not revenge against Jason. Not painting my fucking room or even myself. Not even fucking Griffin in a bid to feel something again.

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