Page 82 of Bitter Lies

And closing my eyes, I fight back the images of hands pulling me in, holding me down, and groping me roughly, my vision wavering as I clutch my stomach. Will I ever see past it? Or will it haunt me forever?

Whimpering, I cover the sound with my hand and seek out Griffin because even in this, I need his comfort, but when I meet his glittering eyes, I smile sadly at the horror I see there. Does he see the dirty, too? Or is he disturbed by the entire fucking notion?

“Hals,” Griffin whispers painfully.

Biting back a sob and with my soul hanging loosely in my body, I back away, leaving the bags of shit on the bed and escaping because I don’t fucking care anymore.

Distantly I hear the sound of shouts as I pass by the window from the outside, but I keep going, drowning out the sounds of my pain with my headphones.

Chapter Twenty-Four

Lies are the devil’s own work, but sometimes so are truths.

The weeks fly by, and I avoid anything to do with my brother and Griffin, which isn’t hard because I don’t hear from either of them. For this I am grateful because I don’t know how to act in the face of my most shameful revelation.

As it is, most days, all I see when I look in the mirror is that girl who stares at me with red, weary eyes, betrayal, and acceptance on her face. What will Griffin see now?

The girl he traded away for a bet? Or the girl who allowed herself to be violated? Frankly, even though it stings, I’d rather be the girl he traded away, but I’m sure, much like everything else, this too is out of my control.

My roommate and I have settled in, and to my surprise, even though we’re exact opposites, she’s taken me under her proverbial wing and made it her mission to make me socialize.

She’s eager to include me in things, which is how I find myself at a club, dancing to music that used to make my skin crawl, laughing, and feeling normal for the first time in forever.

Maybe I just needed to be out from under my past, but I feel more relaxed than I have in a long time.

With a grin, she pulls me from the crowd and into a group of her friends who have also been welcoming of the new face in their midst. And even though my heart still burns for the boy who threw me away, I find I’m actually enjoying my college experience.

“Hey, Halsey, looking good,” Aaron says, looping an arm around my waist and swinging me around.

Laughing, I swat at his arm, and he chuckles, setting me down gently. Aaron is my new favorite person because he’s gentle and kind, and if I’m not mistaken, bisexual, but he puts no pressure on me, and we coexist in a dimension where there’s no unrequited feelings nor sexual tension.

“C’mon, bitch, let’s get a drink,” he calls over the din, and nodding, I follow him through the crowd, taking his hand when he offers it.

Which is the first thing Griffin sees when he steps into view, his eyes dropping to our joined hands before glaring at Aaron with glittering eyes.

I haven’t seen him since the altercation with Jason, and I have no clue what happened after I left, but I hope he made Jason hurt because a little bit of pain is nothing compared to what he deserves.

Sourly, I note Griffin’s with some chick—I guess Miranda is long gone, and although I hated seeing him with her, I’m not sure I like the look of this new one.

She’s got a cruel gaze that finds me lacking from the get-go, and maybe sensing our history, she latches onto Griffin when she notices our eyes lock, saying something to him I can’t hear.

But he doesn’t so much as look down at her as he stares after me with a slight frown, his jewel bright eyes stalking me until I disappear into the masses.

Weirdly, I’m not sure what I was expecting, but the angry glare surely wasn’t it. Is he jealous? Ha!

I guess I can be grateful it wasn’t pity, but with the way we left things, I half thought he would never want to see me again. I don’t know but seeing him now creates a wild surge of energy in my body, like I could fly, although inevitably I must come down, and the fall would hurt.

Aaron pulls me up to the bar and shouts for two bottles of water before turning back to me with a curious leer. “Who was that tall drink of water?”

Pulling my lips into an approximation of a smile, I glance back the way we came, but I can no longer see him in the crush, only the image that still dances in my brain. Beautiful hazel eyes, staring out of thick lashes, over a straight nose and lips formed in a perpetual frown. His body eats up the space, crowding out everything around him until all you can see is him.

He’s beautiful, brutal, and cold.

“The boy who broke my heart,” I say with quivering lips, to which Aaron’s eyes soften as he pulls me into a hug.

Gratefully, I return the gesture, holding back tears because I can never outrun my past no matter how hard I try. Griffin Hathaway will always hold a piece of me, whether I want him to or not.

Just as he will always hate me for reasons, I suspect I’ll never understand.

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