Page 77 of Made for Cyn

“Fine,” I say calmly, turning to her, “and you can go fuck yourself. Oh, that’s right, I guess I should say you can go fuck Cyn.”

Her eyes widen, and her jaw drops to her knees before she stutters painfully, “Rainy—”

“I’m not interested, and I’d like you to leave my room now.”

With a pained smile, she backs away, muttering an apology at the door before exiting. After she’s gone, I collapse to the bed and allow myself to break down.

I cry because even though I knew Cyn was most assuredly not being abstinent, it was cruel to pick Iris to get back at me. Or maybe he just doesn’t care.

And I cry for Iris because my cousin is lost, and this shows me definitively that I don’t know how to save her.

I’d leave, but I can’t call my mom because she doesn’t have a fucking phone. Besides, I can’t go. Iris is here with John, so I’m stuck until we solve our problem, and then I don’t know, but I’m not sure I can stay here once all is said and done.

I’m completely alone, fighting an insanity I can’t comprehend, and my cousin, who should be my best friend, betrayed me with the guy who doesn’t apparently care who he has sex with and definitely doesn’t give two shits about me.

The following morning, I shuffle to school grimly, late to first period because Iris kept to her word and left without me, and I didn’t give myself enough time to walk.

This earns me detention, and I can only laugh at the universe as I fumble through my day numbly.

In gym, I only stare at Jig while he teases me until his grin fades, and he says soberly, “What’s up, LB?”

“Nothing, Jig. Nothing is fucking up but the sky,” I say, walking away to his bewildered stare.

Once again, I’m helplessly running around the field, this time for soccer. The same chick from before comes up from behind, shoving me out of the way as the ball sails in my direction.

Staring at her incredulously, I lose my shit, even though it’s stupid and a game and whatever. Shoving her to the ground with a shriek of rage born out of fear and frustration, I stand over her as she looks up at me with wide eyes. They narrow to slits, and she’s on me, pulling me to my ass before climbing over me, and then we’re rolling around, grunting while she swears in my ear.

Absently I wonder how this became my life as Jig pulls her off me and reaches for my hand, but instead, I roll away and gain my feet, staring with dread when the teacher barks, “To the principal’s office, both of you.”

Glancing back at Jig, I find him staring after me with a frown as I walk to my doom. They’re going to call John.

And now, I don’t even have a phone to call for help.

???

I’m given a week of detention and sent home with a grim-faced John who clenches the steering wheel so tightly, I shudder under the tension.

This is it, and I’m not sure I can come back from what’s about to happen. I contemplate running when we pull into the drive, but John speaks without looking my way, “If you don’t go inside and wait for me by the couch, I’ll give Iris your punishment instead.”

With quivering limbs, I march inside and stand before the couch blindly, praying this ends with a beating, and laugh bitterly at my own macabre wish.

My heart is pounding so painfully in my throat that I can barely hear him as he says softly, “Take off your pants.”

Shuddering, I say quietly, “No.”

“No?” The slick sound of his belt sliding through his pant loops is harsh in the silence.

“No?” he says again before he brings the belt down over my head and shoulders.

By the time he’s done, I’m curled in a ball on the floor, hidden somewhere in my head, and I don’t even look up when Iris blows through the door and immediately approaches, crouching over me.

“What are you doing home so early?” John barks.

“I’m going to kill you,” Iris hisses, touching my shoulder.

Flinching, I moan and move away, silently crying and damning myself for being so pathetic.

“Hmm, we’ll see about that,” John says, pulling his belt back on before leaning toward me.

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