Page 67 of Hard Lessons

The word ‘sorry’ was on his lips. But as she’d been earlier, he was reluctant to say it. If he did she might think him not in control. Which he was mostly, just on occasion she made him lose his mind the way no one else ever had or could.

“I love you,” he said quietly, hoping that would go some way to making up for what he’d done.

She pushed up onto one elbow and stared down at his face.

Once again her beauty took his breath away. With her cheeks flushed, her eyes bright and lips pouty and red, she was a vision of perfection.

“I would never hurt you,” he said, hooking a strand of hair behind her ear.

“My ass hurts right now.”

“From the spanking or the fucking?”

She looked down at his chest then whirled a section of his body hair with her index finger, the way she’d always done. “From the spanking.”

“That’s over now. You’ve nearly settled your debt. Only one hundred more.”

“I don’t want to talk about that now.” She frowned and glanced into the corner of her room where her case and bag sat.

“We don’t have to.” He lifted his head and kissed her neck. The skin was flushed. He hoped to hell she wouldn’t have fingerprint bruises there. He didn’t want to see that. He knew she liked the possessive hold, that’s why he’d done it. It was a thrill for both of them. But he could see now he couldn’t let his mind go into animal instinct mode when they did it.

“It drove me insane without you,” he said softly. “When I was inside.”

She didn’t speak, just continued to study his chest hair as she toyed with it.

“Not being with you was the hardest part about the entire thing. It hurt so much, Serena.”

“And sometimes.” Her attention flicked to his face and she held one hand up, showcasing the red strips circling her wrist. “Being with you hurts me.”

“I’m sorry. Fuck. I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to.” He frowned, remorse flooding him and unable to hold the words in.

Her expression softened suddenly. “Hey. I’m okay.”

“Thank God. What if—?”

“I’ve known from the beginning you like it rough, Luca. I never expected you to change.”

He was silent. Her understanding him the way she did was just another thing he loved about her. “I won’t do that again, with the rope, holding your throat if you don’t want me to.”

“We’ll see.” She traced her fingertip up to his Adam’s apple. A frown appeared on her brow and her voice hardened. “I still don’t want to be here with you, you know. Don’t think that’s changed.”

An angry bloom of heat scraped down his neck. She sure as hell seemed like she did, snuggled up with him like this. “What?”

“I don’t want to be,” she sighed and the crease on her forehead faded. “But at the same time I do.”

“What do you mean?”

“I love you, Luca Morretti. With everything that I am. I craved your body against mine,inmine, when you were behind bars. I have no interest in other men. There’s only you. But...”

“I hate that but.”

“But we want different things now. I’ve changed.”

“You still look the same to me.”

“In here.” She tapped her sternum. “I’ve seen how people, normal people, live quiet, fulfilled lives. No guns, no retribution, no slipping out in the middle of the night to do goodness knows what. People that make decent, honest livings and—”

He set his fingertip over her lips. “I understand.”

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