Page 88 of Your Two Lips
Finn smiled, those panty-melting dimples peeking out. “I love you too, Em.” He touched my face, and I let him. I missed his touch so much. I was like a starving woman being offered food. It would be too much and cause me pain, but I had to have it.
“Why didn’t you tell me about the hysterectomy?” There was no accusation in the question, only tenderness.
My stomach dropped, and I moved away. “Carrie,” I whispered.
“Don’t be angry. I’m glad she told me. Didn’t you know you could trust me?”
I swallowed. Damn it, this was hard. “Finn, I’m … I’m not whole. I didn’t want you to see that.”
“Em, before that first day with you, I planned to protect my so-called broken heart from anyone who could hurt me. And then you made me believe something real was out there for me. When you paid the grading deposit, all my fears came back. I thought I had fallen for a rich woman who didn’t actually care about me.”
“Finn, why would you think that?”
“It happened before.”
I held his eyes as my ice cream melted. “No, you …” are everything, made me want to live, not just survive, made me stronger. “I didn’t tell you because I didn’t want you to see me as less. The way you looked at me, it was like oxygen. I wanted you to see me as a whole woman for as long as possible.”
“You are a whole woman. Why would you think you couldn’t be what I needed?”
“You’d be giving up your chance for a family to carry on the legacy. Look at these spoons, heirlooms. You're the fourth generation to run your farm. These things are passed down. You can’t do that with me.”
“Why not?”
“Finn, I can’t have a baby.” I was angry and in love and sad and so happy to see him all at the same time.
“I understand you can’t carry children in your body, and Em, I am sorry about that, but only because I know it’s something you want that I can’t give you. But, baby, there’s adoption. Or maybe a surrogate, I don’t know, I haven’t done much research yet, but we can have a family when the time comes.”
“You say that now, that you’re okay not having a biological child that’s part you and part the woman you love, but would you really be? Think about it.” I put the ice cream down. I’d lost my appetite.
“Emily. I say that now. I’ll say it tomorrow and every day after. Family is who we say it is.”
“What about your parents? Family legacy is important.”
He took both my hands in his. “Em, it will not matter to my parents.”
“You may be surprised.”
“My mom was adopted when she was a baby,” Finn said.
I blinked.
“We don’t talk about it much because it doesn’t matter. Mom loved my grandparents, and they loved her. Family is what you choose. Even blood relatives are still a choice. I have to remind myself to choose Lucas half of the time.”
I couldn’t help my smile. The brothers were quite different, but there were a lot of similarities, too.
“My mom is their daughter. They fed her, comforted her, educated her, and loved her. That’s family. Mom’s recipes were my Nonna’s that were handed down. These spoons are Mom’s family heirlooms because they were Nonna’s, not her birth mother’s.”
“Her brothers?”
“My uncles are biological. A young pregnant girl came from the city to stay with a relative and give the baby up. Nonna wanted a big Italian family like the one she grew up in. She wanted a girl but hadn’t been able to get pregnant again. They found each other. She said Mom was God’s gift to her. Mom’s name is Donata. It means gift in Italian.”
My heart hurt. Was it breaking or healing? I blinked back tears, but they fell anyway. “Finn, I can’t resist this. The heirlooms, your mom, you saying you love me no matter what.” I swallowed. “Please be sure about this. Are you sure?”
“Yes. Why would you doubt it?” He cradled my face, his thumbs wiping away the tears.
“I’ve been lied to before.”
He rested his forehead on mine. “Em, you are my match. I knew it the first day on the trail when you didn’t hold back. You put your head down, and you pedaled through the muck. You trusted the bike to get you through the hard stuff, and it was beautiful. Do that in life. Don’t hold back. Put your head down and push through the hard stuff with me. Trust that I’ll support you. We’ll support each other. I want you. I want to put you first.”
