Page 17 of Your Two Lips
Unbidden, an image of Finn walking his bike back to his truck flashed through my mind. The muscles in his chest and arms flexing, and the upside-down V of his quads popping right above his kneecap. He’d looked so fucking good.
“I iced and soaked last night. My shoulders will get warmed up, and I’ll be ready for today.”
She pointed to her laptop next to the largest veggie sandwich known to man. “You're getting complimentary reviews from clients and a solid re-booking rate.” Her voice was warm.
“That’s good to hear.”
“I had no doubts,” ReeAnn said. She picked up a chip from her plate and popped it into her mouth.
Was it appropriate to ask her about Finn? She knew him, plus she was kind and insightful. Genuine care radiated off her in quiet moments like this.
“After biking yesterday, I agreed to team up with Finn Bakker for a bike race in a couple of months.”
“Really? Cool. That’ll be fun. Finn’s a good guy. He’s an even better mountain biker. If you’re any good at all, you’ll probably win.”
I cupped my hands around the warmth of the latte. “He’s a good guy? Another rider yesterday hinted that maybe he was a player.”
ReeAnn paused and leaned in. “I’ve known Finn since high school. In recent years, did he go home every night alone and imagine his dream girl in a white dress? No, I don’t believe he did. But I haven’t seen or heard about a trail of broken hearts either.” She shrugged. “He’s Lucas’s brother. Lucas thinks he’s a player, but his heart’s bigger than that. They used to be each other’s wingman. Those dimples of theirs were lethal like bartenders’ tattoos.”
“I agree.” I chuckled.
“Can I ask, off the employee/employer record, are you interested in something more than biking with Finn?”
My smile was tentative. “I’ll be seeing him a lot to train. He seems nice, and he looks … well, you know how he looks.”
“Yes, I do. Somethin’ in the water here, I guess.” She winked. “All I can say is, about a year ago, he backed off the player thing. No drama or relationship. He would still come out with us but called it quits early.”
I paused. “That guy I mentioned the other night, Joel, we’d been together a while, and the breakup was … rough. I’m not looking to jump into the hook-up culture deep-end. But I wouldn’t say no to a nice guy and a date.”
ReeAnn’s face softened. “I’m sorry about the rough part.”
“Whistler. I was regrouping. Hang time, I guess. I’m ready to date again but with careful steps, you know.”
ReeAnn’s eyes held a depth of understanding. “Hang time between the leap and the landing. Hanuman, the statue in my yoga studio, he jumped across the ocean to rescue the lover of a beloved king. In that statue, he’s seated with his fingers steepled in Hakini mudra. He’s preparing for that great leap. The statue reminds me that a leap, a change, is hard, even for an ancient deity. It reminds me to be kind to myself in the struggle toward growth.”
She set the remains of her sandwich on her plate and leaned back in her chair. “We moved a lot when I was younger. My dad was in the navy, and my mom’s a college professor. Change was a way of life. I assumed I could handle change.” She shrugged.
“You remember Jake from The Boathouse?”
I nodded.
“We were close friends in high school, but we went our separate ways after graduation. That was my first hard change as a new adult, losing him. It took a while for me to feel centered again.”
“How did you get your center back?”
“Time, meditation, and prayer, yoga. I worked at a Bay Area studio in college. It’s where I did my teacher training. With the practice, I found calm and strength.”
“You and Jake are both here now.” A question in my eyes along with the subject change.
“Yeah.” She exhaled. “We’re friends. But I have to think about my future. I want to start a studio, something of my own.”
“That’s a great idea.” I glanced at my hands clasped in my lap. “I’m working on finding my way, something of my own, too.”
“You will. We all find our way in our own time,” ReeAnn said. “You could come to a class. We’ll work on the heart chakra, the bridge between your mind and your body. Practices and poses that emphasize the heart chakra can help us feel more centered, connected to ourselves, our goals.”
As I walked into the spa, I kept turning the conversation over in my head. Iwasfinding my way step by step. I was no longer marching to the expectations of Joel’s family or even my family. The silver lining of being physically unable to meet the expectations of others was that I no longer had to try. My choices were all mine now, and that was both liberating and scary as hell.
The Carters would never have let me keep working after I married Joel, no matter how much I loved it.What would people say? The mother of my grandchild does not work outside of her volunteer responsibilities.Mrs. Carter would have insulted and chided until I buckled to her will, exactly like Joel did. Their money had strings, and I was glad to be free of them.
