Page 36 of Your Two Lips
“Even if we don’t win, I think we’ll do well.” I was still feeling cautious about the race, but I was focusing on Emily and how she enjoyed the idea of pushing herself. It made me want to push myself too. The fear was still in the shadows, but the desire to try again was growing with every ride I took with her.
I couldn’t imagine ever giving up biking entirely, and the actual fear only came with the intensity and energy of a race. I would treat this race like another fun ride with Emily. We’d tackle the obstacles we could safely complete and take the long path around anything else. I wouldn’t think about a clock or a win or sponsorship dollars. I would ride. With Emily.
“It isn’t really about winning. People look at me, my blonde hair, and my nice car and make assumptions. They think everything comes easily for me, or I’m not tough enough to earn it. Like those guys in Whistler with their condescending bro speak and shreddin’ it. They might as well have said, stay out, you don’t belong. I want to show myself Idobelong.”
“If you don’t belong on a bike, Em, I’m not sure who does.” Her emerald eyes sparkled.
We crossed under I-5 and headed toward the mountains, a sense of calm settling in the cab of my truck. I glanced at Emily, her ponytail blowing in the breeze coming through the open window. Yep, still disruptively beautiful. And those flaws I was hoping for at the beginning hadn’t appeared.
Neither one of us had said another word about the kiss. I wanted her and feared no amount of fucking my hand was going to ease that ache. It wasn’t about her beauty or her sexiness anymore. It was about her.
I was still curious about her ex. He held her wrist, and I’d seen that look in his eyes. He took what he wanted. Did he ever touch her in anger? I told myself I needed to know to be sensitive to her. The truth was, I wanted an excuse to rip his fucking arms off the next time I saw him.
I shifted in my seat, and Emily glanced at me. “I wanted to talk … well, that’s not true.” I started again. “About the other night.”
“The kiss. I’m sorry I made you uncomfortable,” she said. “We’re friends, but I appreciate you playing along. I knew he would back off if he thought I was with someone else.”
I was not sorry about that kiss.
“You didn’t make me uncomfortable.” Not in the way she meant. I gave her a smile and was glad to see it returned. “I wanted to ask about Joel.”
Her eyebrows furrowed. “What about him?”
“Honestly, I want to understand how you were ever with him. You must have had others asking you out all the time.” She glanced away. “Tell me if it’s too personal. You told me once to butt out of your love life.”
The edge of her lip curled as she kept facing forward. “Then I stuck my tongue down your throat.”
That made my dick twitch.
“Joel and I met the summer when he was in grad school. I was a junior at U-dub. I had a few dates in college. There was a guy in high school who was nice to me.” I hoped her knowing grin meant that the guy lucky enough to have loved her first had been good to her. “Guys in college, well, I got a lot of attention from guys in college.”
“I’ll bet.” It came out more like a grunt. She glanced at me. “You’re beautiful, Em.” College guys probably fell all over themselves to impress her. I would have. “Sorry. Go on.”
“Joel was older, less in-my-face about it, I guess. He was one of the first in a long time to ask me out for more than a party or a Netflix and chill.”
“Did they actually say, Netflix and chill?”
“No, but it’s what they meant.” Her shoulders rose with a sigh. “In the beginning, Joel was nice, a little nerdy even. He was romantic when I visited him at school in California, paying me a lot of attention without being demanding. When he started working full-time for his dad in Seattle, he changed. He got used to getting whatever he wanted when he wanted it. Plenty of other people in his world acted the same way. We grew apart. We underestimated life in the real world, I guess.”
“Em, did he ever hurt you physically?”
“No.” She tucked a lock of hair behind her ear. “His mom was so much better at being hurtful. His family has a lot of old money.”
“I sort of figured out the money thing, didn’t I, with the boat, the sunglasses, and the attitude.”
“Sunglasses?”
“Those Tom Ford aviators he had on top of his head. Lucas has a pair. I know what they cost.”
“Money like theirs can change people. It changes their expectations and need to control. I wasn’t who his mother would have chosen, and in the end, that mattered more than I realized.” Dickhead with a capital D.
Dirty and sweaty,she emerged from the last trail with Angela and Carrie and stopped beside me. Her grin stretched ear to ear.
“Great ride today,” I said. Emily was as ready for the race as anyone could be. We knew each other’s strengths and weaknesses, and that made us a quality team. I picked lines she could maneuver, even if they were a bit of a challenge, and she trusted my judgment, lowered her head, and pushed hard behind me. That trust, damn, it felt good.
“Any advice?” she asked while we walked the bikes to my truck.
I pulled a thin branch from the side of her helmet, making her laugh. “I think we’re ready. We should do a couple more rides this week to stay fit. Get rest. Eat lean meat and your beloved kale.” I winked. “Feed those muscles of yours. On the bike, you're solid.”
