Page 79 of Your Two Lips
His eyes were a dull blue. “I need to sleep. I have a lot on my mind.” The same sentiment I hurt him with a few days ago.
I steppedinto my entryway and flipped on the light. Looking through the house to the back garden and beyond, I saw distant clouds hovering above the dark water. The days were still warm, but the night air smelled of fallen leaves as the wind rustled in the trees outside. I loved the cool nights and spicy smells of early fall. It was romantic, but romance was slipping through my fingers and taking my heart with it.
My phone buzzed in my pocket, waking me from my trance. Carrie.
“Emily. How is Finn’s dad? What’s happening? I mean, hello, how are you?” Carrie’s lack of restraint when she spoke made me smile. You knew exactly how she felt about things. No hidden agendas.
“What’ve you heard?”
“Assume nothing and start at the beginning.”
I dropped my purse and keys by the door and told Carrie everything I knew as I walked to the back, turned on lights, and made a cup of tea.
“It all went as well as it could. Now we wait,” I said.
“Is he going to be okay?”
“We hope so. He’ll need to make some lifestyle changes, diet, and exercise. Tess is already investigating at-home resources and services for his recovery.”
“Okay, how are you?”
“I’m fine.” My voice cracked.
“I don’t believe you.”
“I’m okay.”
“You don’t sound okay.”
I took a sharp inhale. “Finn and I … we had a fight, and I haven’t apologized yet.”
“Oh, honey. You’ll fix it in a couple of days. Hang in there.”
I wrapped her words around me like a blanket. “He’s pulling away. I can feel it.”
“What? No, he’s scared right now.”
“We were drifting apart before this.” I paused. Carrie had become a friend, and I needed to practice opening up to others. “He wants a future with me that I can’t give him.”
“Honey, why? You don’t think you could love him?”
My heart ached with the truth. “I’m already in love with him. But I’m … complicated.” Carrie stayed unusually quiet.
“Finn is taking over the farm sooner than planned. He has a legacy to carry forward. Family. It’s part of his dream, and I can’t.” I prayed for strength. “I can’t have a baby. I was sick … and now I can’t. It wouldn’t be right to commit to him when I can’t give him the family he wants.”
“Emily. I’m so sorry.”
I closed my eyes as if that would make the words easier to say. “I had endometriosis as a teenager. It was aggressive and could have been life-threatening. I had to have a partial hysterectomy last year.”
“Oh, Emily.” The loss rested between us in the silence. “Was that why things ended with the other guy?”
“Yes. Well, that and his mother is a harpy, and he changed since we first met. We both did. But I was no longer up to the job of Mrs. Joel Carter in anyone’s eyes.”
“Emily ...”
“I’m dealing with it. My life has so much good in it.”
“Does Finn know all this?”
