Page 53 of Black Onyx
“They’re hungry. They only ate four hours ago but are behaving like it’s been decades.” Killian fills them in as he catches up to us much more sedately.
Everyone around the table chuckles as Loki and I practically dive on the food. I’ll never turn down food, and I have a feeling that Loki and I share something similar in our past that is the reason behind the way that we both approach food. I’m happy to let everyone think it's amusing though. I jump slightly as a hand gently squeezes my knee and I glance over at him; his eyes meet mine, an understanding in them that confirms my previous thoughts.
Lunch is delicious and consists of a massive bowl of stew filled with meat, vegetables, and the most delicious dumplings I’ve ever had. My favourite part was the freshly baked bread and home-churned butter, which I absolutely had to dip in the gravy. By the time we’re on the way back, I’m so fucking full that I seriously consider taking a nap. I know Revel will look after me; we’ve done it before when we’ve had to keep moving and can’t afford to stop for the night. The only thing that stops me is that after the fight that was far more dangerous than we were told and the fact that it’s more than obvious now that the Headmaster is up to something, it wouldn’t surprise me if something else got thrown at us on the way back just to make sure that whatever he wanted to achieve he did.
I still don’t have the vaguest idea what his motives could be.
“There is no way in all of the realms that rouge was a level one.” Rival mutters, riding next to me. You can practically see the wheels turning in his head as he tries to put all the obscure puzzle pieces together.
“I would’ve said that it was at least a level eight. I’m fairly sure it used magic to throw the sound of the stick-breaking so we wouldn’t know what direction he was coming from.” Mayhem adds, looking like his mind is going just as fast as Rival’s, and I’m willing to bet that as soon as we get back to the castle, we’re going to lose them to research, so they can work out exactly what level it was.
“That fucker had to have known,” Killian growls, his horns sparking much like his brothers. The brothers seem to be mending their relationship slowly, and I know it means a lot to both of them.
“We’ll see what we can find out when we get back. Shadows are good for spying, brother,” Storm’s lips tilt up ever so slightly at the corners into a dangerous grin, as his horns start to glow with the strength of his anger.
That seems to be the end of that conversation, and despite the rush to leave this morning, none of us seems to be in a hurry to get back, as we take it easy. I’m in no rush to get back to the academy and feel strangely free. I don’t have my father's timeline to stick to; I haven’t just had to do something that I shouldn’t have to do, and I’m not riding back into a situation that I know will cause me physical and emotional pain.
However, the sedate pace is making it extremely evident that Reaper is avoiding me, he’s riding right at the back of our procession, and whenever I turn around to see if I can catch his eye and make sure he’s okay, he studiously avoids looking in my direction. The thing really frustrating about it is that I don’t actually know what I’ve done wrong, and I truly care, which is a new concept for me.
And you had a moment with him before you left, and you don’t know how to deal with feelings; the bitchy voice in my head reminds me, and I vehemently tell her to shut the fuck up.
I’m hoping that he’ll talk to me when he’s ready. I don’t know how to do this.
I’m starting to recognise where we are, so we must only be ten or so minutes away from the academy, and I’m looking forward to a shower and possibly even a nap. Rival has moved up to ride next to Mayhem and Loki, and I’m acutely aware when the horse hooves speed up behind me, I’m expecting Reaper to ride past me and join the others, so I’m surprised when he pulls his horse next to mine and keeps pace. I stay silent and look ahead, not wanting to spook him and sensing that he has something that he needs to say.
He waits until the gates of the academy come into view before he starts talking.
“Are you okay?” he asks, his voice far quieter than usual, and out of the corner of my eye, I can see him gazing at my neck, where the vamp held me.
“I am, thanks to you. Loki healed the damage it did to my neck.” I pause and turn to look at him, “are you okay?”
Almost predictably, he stays silent, and now that I’m looking at him, his eyes remain focused on the gates ahead like he can’t wait for this conversation to be over.
I wait him out. If he doesn’t want to tell me, that’s fine.
Finally, he speaks, his voice hesitant, “You’ve probably guessed that I’m a shifter?”
He phrases it like a question, so I answer it like one by simply nodding. I don’t want to scare off his desire to talk to me by saying anything out loud, no matter how illogical that sounds.
Seeing my nod, he continues, “Well, if I shift, I lose control, and people get seriously hurt. Seeing you being held like that angered my beast, so much so that it almost triggered my shift. If the guys didn’t know me so well and knew how to keep me calm, I would’ve transformed, and then there’s a very good chance that you all could’ve died.” His voice lowers so much that I’m not sure I’m supposed to hear the next part, “you make me feel protective, and I’m not sure I can risk it.”
I had to have heard that wrong, but he rides off before I can reply, bypassing all of the others and heading straight through the gate at a canter.
Well fuck. I can see why it was so important to calm him, but I don’t really understand why that meant he wanted to ignore me. I should probably be terrified of his explanation, but in reality, I’m just not. Maybe that’s my absolute lack of normal fear response, but he doesn’t scare me. In fact, the only emotion I’m feeling is complete frustration, and that’s simply because he said all that and still didn’t tell me what he was.
When Reaper canters pass, the rest of them all look back at me questioningly, and I shrug, not sure what to say. Mayhem’s eyes dart between us, and he stops his horse, letting the others follow Reaper as he waits for me.
“Are you okay?” he asks me gently.
I decide to answer him honestly because I know I’m never going to figure it out, and maybe he’ll be able to help me understand. “Yeah, I’m just not sure why he needed to ignore me.”
He really thinks about his answer before he replies, which I appreciate, since it means he’s not just giving me a generic answer.
“He really cares about you; it’s easy to see. He doesn’t let anyone get close to him; none of us do. We’ve been a unit for so long that we don’t let anyone else in, and yet here you’ve come along, barely with us for a week, brought our best friend and brother back and just fit like you’ve always belonged with us. If he hurt you because he lost control of his beast, it would kill him. It doesn’t mean that ignoring you is the right thing to do, but he is probably trying to put some distance between you, so his shifter isn’t triggered by any sort of threat to you.”
I think I’m in shock. I swallow down the lump of emotion that’s stuck in my throat thanks to him saying I belong with them. I’ve never felt like I belonged anywhere.
“He didn’t have the same reaction when the assassin attacked? He doesn’t when Storm and I go at it,” I ask curiously, despite myself.
