Page 120 of Midnight Confessions

Everything inside them smells likehim.

Everything holds some sort of memory of what we shared in our bubble. The bubble of Aleck and me. The bubble that’s been popped with a deafening clap.

I wear every minute that ticks by like a life vest stuffed with lead. The only thing binding me to time, the knowledge that it’s been eleven hours since I left that message. Eleven hours that he’s chosen not to call me back or even text something trivial that I can grab ahold of.

The only connection I have to Richard’s condition is Preston. He’s at Aleck’s side. He calls Sondra on the hour, then she calls me. He must know that I know about Richard by now. Even if he hasn’t listened to my voicemail. But I know him better than that. He listened. He listened, and he chose.

I’m being selfish, I know, but the idea that his radio silence isn’t because of Richard’s accident and more of an easy way out, is consuming me. I knew last night. Iknewhe was saying goodbye, and I deluded myself into believing he wouldn’t be able to let us go.

But he chose. By now, I have to acknowledge that.

And maybe he was always going to leave me behind. Maybe I’m only“Good enough to fuck, but not good enough to date.”Hayden’s words—louder than any of the words Aleck spoke—becoming white noise static behind every thought I have right now.

Taking a deep breath, I pick up my phone and open it, tapping Aleck’s name one last time. It rings, and rings, and rings, just like I knew it would. The robotic message, followed by a beep, echoes in my ear like a breakup song.

“Hi…” I take a deep, cleansing breath. “Sondra said Richard did well in surgery. She mentioned his doctors said he’s not out of the woods, but they’rehopeful. As long as he… regains consciousness.” I shake my head, cursing myself for not knowing what to say. In my defense, I’m talking to a damn machine. “Aleck, I’m here for you. If you think I can’t see you vulnerable or emotional, I can… I want to. No, shit, I don’twantto see you that way, but it wouldn’t affect the way I feel about you if I did.”

What. The. Actual. Fuck. Is wrong with me?

“I’m sorry. That was awkward. I don’t want to be selfish because I know you’re going through so much, but you kind of left me in the dark here… Are we done or are you just dealing with this disaster? I don’t know… I’m sure you know how I feel about you, thanks to all the crying last night. But I never said the words because I didn’t want to leave myself so exposed. But Ifeltthem. So, to be clear, in case you couldn’t already tell, I want to be with you. I know we agreed what happens at the wedding stays at the wedding, but that’ssostupid. Am I stupid to think we shared more than that? You said some things that made me think you wanted this too…”

I let my head drop back to peer at the ceiling, hoping gravity will cause my tears to roll back to where they came from and stay there.

“But if that’s not what you want… Well, I wish you would just call and tell me. Also, I know our relationship status takes a backseat to what happened to Richard. Iknowthat… God, I feel like I’m being so fucking pathetic. And selfish. I’m sorry…” My voice trails off. Taking a deep breath, I muster the courage to end this damn message with at least ashredof dignity. “Anyway, give Midge a warm hug from me. Even Hayden, I guess.”

Say the words. Say them and be done.

“Goodbye, Aleck.”

Allow yourself grace, Winter…Something I didn’t allow myself when Brian broke my heart and convinced me I did it to myself.

Holding my chin high, I stand and walk to the front door until my feet hit my bags. That was the biggest train wreck of a message I’ve ever left anyone, but the sentiment was clear, I think.Life goes on, even if we won’t, Aleck Fox.

I lift my bags from the floor and walk them into my room when a light tapping on my front door lights fire to my senses.

Aleck…

I drop my bags to my bed and quickly shuffle to my door. Typically, I’d ask who it was, check the peephole, open the door gracefully, but the thought of it being Aleck, even though he has no clue where I live, makes me unlock and whip the door open like Idon’tlive next to a district in Pointe Blue with an increasing crime rate.

The giddiness I didn’t realize I was wearing drops when I see Keith.

“Hmm…” His enormous frame taking up most of my doorway. “I was hoping toinducea smile, notabolishone.”

“I’m sorry.” I shake my head with a smile. “False hopes lead me to believe you were Aleck, but that was stupid. I’m thrilled to see you, actually.”

Keith’s big, beautiful eyebrows arch with amusement as he pulls his arms out from behind his back holding two bottles of wine, one in each hand. “Let’s get drunk and watchGame of Thrones.”

I laugh and hold my front door open wide, silently inviting him inside.

“Okay,” I say, closing my front door. “But only if we can watchBattle of the Bastardsatleastthree times. Jon Snow might be the only man who can pull me out of my Aleck-Fox-funk.”

Keith’s muscular back tightens and bobs with a laugh as he walks into my kitchen, setting the bottles on the counter by my sink.

“Have you heard from him?”

“No. I left him another message. The last one, actually. I won’t call again. Ball’s in his court,” I say as I reach into my cupboard for wine glasses.

“Okay…” he opens a drawer and pulls out my corkscrew. “Is this a night to remember or a night to forget?” His dark amber eyes search my expression intently, trying to gauge my emotional state, no doubt.

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