Page 59 of Attraction (Mobsters + Billionaires 3)
“It’s hard for me to open up like that?” I say, my voice tilting up at the end of the sentence like it used to years ago. God, I worked so hard to get that uncertainty out of my life, but it still creeps in from time to time.
He caresses my cheek, and I lean into the touch. “That makes perfect sense. I’m so sorry that someone hurt you.”
I slide off him and wrap my arms around myself, inhaling the scent from his jacket. “Me too. Everything else in my life is exactly as I want, except for this one thing. You know, when it happened I…I didn’t have much experience. And I tried to move on after but kept running into assholes who didn’t have patience for an inexperienced guy who just needed a damn minute.”
Luca growls under his breath at that, and…fuck, it feels good to have someone angryforme.
“After that, I decided I was just going to stop trying to figure it out and live my life.”
Understanding widens his eyes. “Is that why you hired one of my escorts?”
I nod, still sniffling.
“Mads said your guys are sweet, and they might help me feel more…prepared, I guess? Before pursuing something real with…”
“With me?” he asks, his voice so gentle.
“Yes.”
17
LUCA
His soft wordshit me like swinging fists, taking the air out of me.
I want five minutes alone in a room with the man who hurt him, but that’s not what he needs. Not now.
“So when you say you wanted to be prepared, you wanted to be preparedforme.”
Ford’s cheeks flame red, and he shifts his gaze to the window. “Yes.”
“Because you want to make it good for me?”
He lifts a shoulder, uncertainty in every muscle of his body.
“I’m pretty much a virgin, I guess? I mean, I know you know that, but I didn’t want to get intimate with you and freak out—kinda like I did just now. And I figured if I tried it first with someone who was very, very nice, I could figure out what my limits were? Then I could work on those, and you wouldn’t have to…you know,dealwith them.”
I nod, biting my lip. “Deal with them?” I repeat.
He lowers his eyes to his lap.
I tap my fingers under his chin, lifting it gently. “Have I ever made you feel pressured?”
He shakes his head.
“It’s sweet you wanted to do that for me. A little fucked up, but sweet.” He snorts, and I kiss the top of his head. “I had no business coming over here like that. But I was confused and hurt, if I’m honest. Like, if you want to fuck somebody, why not fuck me?”
“I’m so sorry, I—” Ford wants to say more but can’t seem to get the words out.
“You don’t owe me an apology, Ford. And I think I get it.” The relief in his eyes breaks my heart. “You want to be with me, but you don’t want me to quote-unquotedealwith you?”
He shrugs. “Yeah. I mean, it’s not like the one bad experience made me want to give up sex forever. But I need to go slow, and every man I saw after that made it feel like it was such a burden to…”
“Be patient and treat you with kindness.”
He nods. “Sorta.”
In my line of work, I’ve seen all manner of sexual violence and its aftermath. The idea that these overprivileged assholes couldn’t give Ford a tiny bit of extra time to get comfortable makes me want their names too.
